I actually know this chick, kinda sorta
All the World News that's unfit for print.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
The Best Season EVER
More than 3/4 of the way done with Season 14, it makes absolutely no sense to put together this list, but I'm going to do it anyway. Why? Because I can. Actually, this idea came to me this morning for some reason. You know that you have hit rock bottom when you randomly start thinking of blog columns to do for your fake baseball world. We might have done this already, I'm not entirely sure. But this is my version.
Position by position, who has had the best single season in the history of this world? And I'm not just talking about who hit the most HR's at a certain position (although, that is certainly a factor), but who had one season that was head and shoulders above every other season that everyone else has played at that position. The hard part is figuring out what position each guy really plays. Not everyone in this world has always played players at the positions that their ratings are appropriate for. If you had a CF with a range of 75 back in S8, and he hit 100 HR's, should I not put him in the CF category? So when I'm looking for the best season ever, I'm taking fielding into account also. And did I probably miss someone in this list? Oh I'm sure of it.
Some guys who were in the running, but didn't quite make it: Michael Washington, Geronimo Cruz, Robb Smith, Ricardo Belliard, Ellis Hernandez, Alejandro Lee, Stuart Reid, Roosevelt Brower, Hunter Bryant, Dick Iorg, Lorenzo Crespo, Ivan Santos, Alex Avila, Willie Strickland, Flash Bass, Dizzy Allen, Benny Mercado, Alex Cubillan, Justin Taylor, Tori Wagner, Karim Ayala, Rocky Baxter.
Now on to the list.
Catcher -
In Season 11, Neal was amazing for Jacksonville. Catchers that can play a full 162 games are pretty rare. Catchers who can play that full season, and hit at a .336 clip are even more rare. Catchers who can do all of that while hitting 62 HR's and driving in 142 runs....they win the MVP award, which is what he did that season. Drafted #2 overall in the first ever draft of this world, we knew Neal would be a super star someday, and he hit 57 bombs in his first ML season, but S11 was his best of his career, and the best of any catcher ever in this world. (Yes yes yes, I know Washington hit 70 HR's and drove in 157 runs in only 146 games in S6, but that was in Colorado. Do it at sea level, and then come talk to me.) What's fascinating is how halfway through the following season, Neal was traded to Milwaukee.
1B -
Firstbase is always a tough position for these kinds of lists, because everyone has a 1B who has hit 50 HR's and driven in 150 runs. My initial list was over a dozen guys, before I narrowed it down to Cairo, Ryan, and Belliard. But how can you pass on Cairo's Season 5 in Santa Fe, when he joined the 70/70 club with 74 HR's and 71 SB's? Throw in 188 RBI's, 166 runs scored, an OPS of 1.096, and 0 errors in 1214 putouts, and you have the best season ever for a 1B. An MVP award, an All-Star appearance, and a Silver Slugger award capped off his season, along with 101 wins for the team, the most in franchise history. He makes my cock hard. That's not gay, is it?
2B -
I went back and forth on this one quite a few times. I wanted to throw out the first couple of seasons of this world, because a lot of the numbers were a bit inflated, but....they are still numbers. And Halama had some great ones (especially for a 2B) in the first season of this world. 48 HR's and 192 RBI's are the kinds of power numbers that you expect from a 1B or LF. 154 runs scored from the cleanup slot, along with a 1.179 OPS, and 66(!!) doubles, Halama couldn't be stopped that year. But he didn't win the MVP. That's how fucked up the numbers were that season, Belliard and his 74 HR's won the MVP for the AL. Halama was more than solid defensively that year as well, fielding 2B at a .985 clip, better than his career average at the position.
3B -
You can't have any sort of list in this world without having Spahn pop up somewhere in it (unless it's a list of the most heterosexual players ever), and his Season 6 performance in pitcher-friendly San Diego gets him on this list. A fairly pedestrian 35 HR's and 120 RBI's, coupled with 94 runs, 37 SB's, and only 8 errors all season earned him a spot on the All-Star team. Let me come back to this one spot on this list in a few weeks, and I'll put Daryl Hawksworth's Season 14 down as the best season ever by a 3B. But for now, it's Spahn and his dildo.
SS -
I bet you forgot about DeRojas, didn't you? Three 40+ HR seasons in the first four years of this world, he was a force to be reckoned with. Season 4 was arguably his best, as he banged out 42 HR's and 105 RBI's, while scoring 104 times and stealing 27 bases. His glove was an 85 that year, but his fielding was less than stellar, which may explain why he didn't make the All-Star team. No Silver Slugger award either, because HBD is stupid sometimes.
LF -
Now we could argue all day as to whether Ryan and his 38 range and 44 glove should have been playing LF back in S6, but he only committed 2 errors for Oakland that summer, and only had 3 negative plays. Not too shabby. Better than seasons 9 and 10 in Indy, where he logged 262 games in LF and had 51 negative plays. Ouch. At the plate in S6 he jacked 69 HR's and drove in 186 runs, while crossing the plate 134 times himself. An OPS of 1.051 (best of his career) and a nearly 1:1 BB:SO ratio (only topped by his S4 and approached by his S10), he won the MVP that year after making the All-Star team and earning the Silver Slugger as well.
CF -
I went back and forth on this one for a while. Morris vs Bass vs Strickland. Similar power numbers, similar speed, similar defensive numbers, etc. Eventually I had to go with Morris' Season 5 output. 47 HR's, 129 RBI's, 35 SB's, 122 runs, and a career high 1.041 OPS. On top of that, he was competent out in CF. A .983 fielding percentage, he only had 7 errors all year, and only 1 negative play to his 7 plus plays. It earned him the rookie of the year award, along with an All-Star appearance and a Silver Slugger award.
RF -
If we go all the way back to Season 2, you'll find another of "those seasons" that will probably never happen again. 66 bombs and 179 RBI's for Dickerson, combined with a mind-blowing 1.193 OPS and 146 runs scored, he also fielded RF at a .995 clip with just 1 error all season. An MVP, All-Star, and Silver Slugger awards all capped off his season, not to mention 110 wins, which is still a franchise record.
DH -
You remember Yerkes, right? Me neither. But way back in Season 1, he hit 57 HR's and drove in 141 runs, with a 1.103 OPS and more walks than SO's. He made the All-Star team and won the Silver Slugger award, and was an absolute menace for Cleveland.
SP -
I know, I know, you all think your SP's are the best. There was that one season when your one guy won X games and had an awesome ERA, and nobody noticed because your offense wasn't that great, and blah blah blah. Dummy's numbers in Season 12 trump whatever your idiot pitchers have ever done. Period. 27 wins, a 2.82 ERA, 7 complete games, a whopping 283 innings pitched, and a better than 3:1 SO:BB ratio, as he notched 281 SO's. Talking about DH's made me soft, but looking at Dummy's numbers are making me turgid yet again. Obviously, he had the Cy Young and an All-Star appearance that year. I didn't name any pitchers in the "almost got there" category at the top, because nobody else was really in the running.
Closer -
Back in Season 9, Timo appeared in 56 games. 55 of those were save opportunities. 51 of those became saves. He gave up only 7 earned runs in just shy of 55 innings of work, for a 1.15 ERA. An OAV of .161, WHIP of 0.93, and 53 strikeouts, he was the Rookie of the Year, Fireman of the Year, and earned a spot on the All-Star team. His 51 saves are tied for second on the all-time list of Most Saves in a Season.
There you go, pricks. Don't say I've never done anything for you. If you want to yell and scream about how great your guy is and how he should have been on the list. Nobody is listening, but go ahead and scream.
Position by position, who has had the best single season in the history of this world? And I'm not just talking about who hit the most HR's at a certain position (although, that is certainly a factor), but who had one season that was head and shoulders above every other season that everyone else has played at that position. The hard part is figuring out what position each guy really plays. Not everyone in this world has always played players at the positions that their ratings are appropriate for. If you had a CF with a range of 75 back in S8, and he hit 100 HR's, should I not put him in the CF category? So when I'm looking for the best season ever, I'm taking fielding into account also. And did I probably miss someone in this list? Oh I'm sure of it.
Some guys who were in the running, but didn't quite make it: Michael Washington, Geronimo Cruz, Robb Smith, Ricardo Belliard, Ellis Hernandez, Alejandro Lee, Stuart Reid, Roosevelt Brower, Hunter Bryant, Dick Iorg, Lorenzo Crespo, Ivan Santos, Alex Avila, Willie Strickland, Flash Bass, Dizzy Allen, Benny Mercado, Alex Cubillan, Justin Taylor, Tori Wagner, Karim Ayala, Rocky Baxter.
Now on to the list.
Catcher -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
1B -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
2B -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
3B -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
SS -
|
| ||||||||||||||
LF -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
CF -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
RF -
|
| ||||||||||||||
DH -
|
| ||||||||||||||
SP -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
Closer -
 |
| ||||||||||||||
There you go, pricks. Don't say I've never done anything for you. If you want to yell and scream about how great your guy is and how he should have been on the list. Nobody is listening, but go ahead and scream.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Killing Time on Friday
My boss gave me a task this morning. I nodded my head and said "sure, no problem." He sent me an email with the contract he wanted me to look at, and I had no clue what it was he wanted me to do. About a half hour later I sent him a file with some numbers and some info in it. An hour after that he walks into my office with a big smile on his face and says "thanks for catching that $10K travel expense, we would have needed to swallow that otherwise." It's a drop in the bucket, but $10K is still $10K. So after pulling some bullshit out of my ass, I saved the company $10K, and I think I've earned myself some free time this afternoon. I deserve it.
Mrs njohnson78 and I bought a condo last month. I wasn't a huge fan of the place when we first checked it out, but she kept bringing it up over and over again. Eventually we got it for about $30K less than our original offer. Yes, you read that right. It's a long story, and not very exciting, but we got a fairly reasonable deal on the place. Now it's not exactly in the ghetto of Arlington, VA, but it's not exactly in the upscale area where we had been renting an apartment for the last five years. It's sort of on the border between a really nice area where they are selling one bedroom condo's for $300K, and the ghetto where every store sign is written in Spanish and the average apartment houses a family of ten. Our new place is also on the bottom floor. Our "backyard" is a 5'x7' patio, and the only thing between us and the outside world is a sliding glass door. Do I think something bad will happen? No. Do I think something bad could happen? Sure.
So yesterday I finally pulled the trigger (partial pun intended) and bought a Mossberg 500 12ga pump action shotgun. I kind of wanted an over/under, but the wife said that if I was getting a shotgun, she wanted a pump. And if someone does break in, do I really only want two shots before I have to reload? But so I was drinking with a buddy of mine last night, and he looked at me like I had two heads when I said I had bought a gun. Now we have 32 owners in this world, and I'm fairly sure we have a pretty wide variety of Americans (along with those dirty canucks), so I wanted to post a poll and see if we have the same gun viewpoints as the general population.
Actual HBD talk? Fine, if I must. I've been avoiding this all season, but I think I finally need to admit I might have been wrong. I know, it's shocking. Both that I was wrong, and I'm admitting it. El Paso may have spent the offseason shitting their pants, but they currently have more wins than anyone else in the NL. I know, I know, usually my predictions go exactly as.....predicted. Shit. Thank god Baltimore and Jacksonville are sucking it up. Rochester is doing better than predicted, but they won't make the playoffs, which makes me feel a little better. My predictions of Helena and St Louis winning their divisions is looking pretty solid, although I said they would get the first round byes, and right now El Paso (!?!?!) and Albuquerque (not surprising) are in line for the #1 and #2 slots. Jackson, Boise, and New Orleans are in the running for the wild card, which I kinda sorta predicted. If the playoffs started today, Helena would get Boise, while St Louis would get Jackson. And when I say "get them," I mean they really get them, hard and from behind. No lube, and no easing it in. Sergei, are you hard yet?
In other news, if Buck Cain doesn't win another MVP award, I'm calling shenanigans. I know Babe Quinlan thinks he's the next Buck, but he can lick it. It? Yeah, it. And I know Shane McKnight is at the top of the Cy Young list right now, but if we vote a closer for Cy, then the terrorists win. J.C. Stewart is going to win the Silver Slugger award for pitchers this year. Why? Because he's batting fucking .326 and probably has more RBI's than your SS does. Was it publicly announced that Alejandro Lee got injured? That poor bastard. After so many seasons playing for shitty Hartford, he had a cup of coffee in Cincy where he probably thought it was heaven, and then he gets traded to the Durham powerhouse for a slightly longer cup of coffee, and then Houston gives him a monster contract. When all is said and done, he'll have made about $175M when this contract runs out at the end of S18. He'll be in his mid-30's, probably still in the low- to mid-80's overall, and he'll get another four or five year deal at $10M/yr. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, he finally found a good team. Houston is 77-55 right now and having the best season since S4-7, back when they used to go to the playoffs. And he's hurt. Is he going to be the best player in this world to never win a World Series? And is there any doubt that Albert Cairo will go down as the best player ever in this world, period? 6 MVP's, 2 WS rings, 12-time All-Star, and a bunch of GG and SS awards. 700 HR's is right in front of him. 900 SB's is a long-shot, but a possibility. Should reach 2000 runs in the next few days. If he doesn't reach 2500 hits this year, it'll be next year. Such a stud. OK, that's all I've got.
Mrs njohnson78 and I bought a condo last month. I wasn't a huge fan of the place when we first checked it out, but she kept bringing it up over and over again. Eventually we got it for about $30K less than our original offer. Yes, you read that right. It's a long story, and not very exciting, but we got a fairly reasonable deal on the place. Now it's not exactly in the ghetto of Arlington, VA, but it's not exactly in the upscale area where we had been renting an apartment for the last five years. It's sort of on the border between a really nice area where they are selling one bedroom condo's for $300K, and the ghetto where every store sign is written in Spanish and the average apartment houses a family of ten. Our new place is also on the bottom floor. Our "backyard" is a 5'x7' patio, and the only thing between us and the outside world is a sliding glass door. Do I think something bad will happen? No. Do I think something bad could happen? Sure.
Actual HBD talk? Fine, if I must. I've been avoiding this all season, but I think I finally need to admit I might have been wrong. I know, it's shocking. Both that I was wrong, and I'm admitting it. El Paso may have spent the offseason shitting their pants, but they currently have more wins than anyone else in the NL. I know, I know, usually my predictions go exactly as.....predicted. Shit. Thank god Baltimore and Jacksonville are sucking it up. Rochester is doing better than predicted, but they won't make the playoffs, which makes me feel a little better. My predictions of Helena and St Louis winning their divisions is looking pretty solid, although I said they would get the first round byes, and right now El Paso (!?!?!) and Albuquerque (not surprising) are in line for the #1 and #2 slots. Jackson, Boise, and New Orleans are in the running for the wild card, which I kinda sorta predicted. If the playoffs started today, Helena would get Boise, while St Louis would get Jackson. And when I say "get them," I mean they really get them, hard and from behind. No lube, and no easing it in. Sergei, are you hard yet?
In other news, if Buck Cain doesn't win another MVP award, I'm calling shenanigans. I know Babe Quinlan thinks he's the next Buck, but he can lick it. It? Yeah, it. And I know Shane McKnight is at the top of the Cy Young list right now, but if we vote a closer for Cy, then the terrorists win. J.C. Stewart is going to win the Silver Slugger award for pitchers this year. Why? Because he's batting fucking .326 and probably has more RBI's than your SS does. Was it publicly announced that Alejandro Lee got injured? That poor bastard. After so many seasons playing for shitty Hartford, he had a cup of coffee in Cincy where he probably thought it was heaven, and then he gets traded to the Durham powerhouse for a slightly longer cup of coffee, and then Houston gives him a monster contract. When all is said and done, he'll have made about $175M when this contract runs out at the end of S18. He'll be in his mid-30's, probably still in the low- to mid-80's overall, and he'll get another four or five year deal at $10M/yr. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, he finally found a good team. Houston is 77-55 right now and having the best season since S4-7, back when they used to go to the playoffs. And he's hurt. Is he going to be the best player in this world to never win a World Series? And is there any doubt that Albert Cairo will go down as the best player ever in this world, period? 6 MVP's, 2 WS rings, 12-time All-Star, and a bunch of GG and SS awards. 700 HR's is right in front of him. 900 SB's is a long-shot, but a possibility. Should reach 2000 runs in the next few days. If he doesn't reach 2500 hits this year, it'll be next year. Such a stud. OK, that's all I've got.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)