AL Preview - West

Honolulu - 93 wins last year, and they still only got 3rd in the division.  This must be where the AL hides all of its talent.  They're very deep, but not very heavy at the top.  A couple of studs, but a ton of guys who are above average.  I've won with teams like that, but I've also really sucked with teams like that.  I think they'll do okay, because depth is so important when the injury bug hits your locker room.  They're just in a ball-buster of a division.

Colorado Springs - Division winner the last four seasons, and six of the last seven, they are the dominant team of this current era.  I hate these guys more than Milwaukee.  Not only are they deep, but they're top heavy.  My favorite kind of girl.  Sojo, Rosado, Hong, Westmoreland, we all hate these guys.  The defense is pretty good, the pitching is very much quite solid, and the offense can blow me.  I don't remember what I said about these guys last preview, but if I know me (and I think I do), I'm sure it was something about hoping they all get hurt, or they all get old, or something to that affect.  And I still feel that way.  I hope their locker room catches fire.

Vancouver - Three 100+ win seasons in a row, all involved making a wildcard spot in order to get into the playoffs.  How is Lunsford 31 already?  Their defense is the best I've seen so far, and the pitching might be the best I've seen tonight too.  Dammit, the offense might be the best I've seen too.  But it's okay, because cam will find a way to screw it up.  I kid because I love.

Scottsdale - If I'm in this division, I think I attack it one or two ways.  One, throw every available penny into salary.  Or two, tank the shit out of it and try to score some stud IFA's.  Playing it anywhere between those two spots is a guarantee that you finish the season disappointed.  $65M in salary means that these guys will be fortunate to play .500 ball, they will finish in 4th place, and they will sign one IFA for $10-12M.  A good bullpen with one or two decent starters, some very solid hitting that would be great in another division, and a below average defense that will lose a few games for them.

Prediction: Vancouver, CS, Honolulu, then Scottsdale

Hi babe:

And another: 

And another for good measure: 

AL Preview - South

KC - I keep saying good things about these guys, and they keep finishing below .500 when I predict a division title.  So I'll try a different approach this year.  $100M in payroll, and I think they will be the worst team in the division.  $20M on one pitcher, that's crazy talk.  But he is part of a solid pitching staff, although most of the talent is in the bullpen.  And the offense is pretty decent.  Look at that power potential!  Why are they not better?

Houston - These guys won the WS a few seasons ago.  Then won 104 games the next season.  Then 76.  Then 83.  Then 57.  Yikes.  But they've got $80M+ in salary, so you can't exactly accuse them of tanking.  They're just really really bad.  The offense and defense are very average, while the pitching is slightly above average.  Shep is the only guy I recognize.

San Antonio - Another of those average AL teams that will finish mid-pack and not really affect the 100+ win teams.  But root gets a pass for a season or two because the guys before him were pretty bad.  So this team isn't bad, but they're not good either.  They're just kind of average.  About $60M in salary, and they will ultimately have about $30M in prospect money, so they're really playing the "we don't want people to make fun of us, but we want to play in the IFA market" card.

Richmond - jcarver has done some good things with this squad the last few years.  Spending money, drafting well, the future is bright in southern Virginia.  Some good defense, lots of above average (but not great) offense, and Hitchcock leads a pretty decent pitching staff.  KC is really the only thing keeping these guys from running away with the division before the all-star break, but ultimately that's where they'll end up.

Prediction: Richmond, KC, a few miles, Houston, then SA

A pretty girl:

AL Preview - North

AL North

Milwaukee - I think this is the fifth season in a row that fg has said he's selling everyone and rebuilding, yet they win 85+ games every year and last season was the first that they didn't make the playoffs since 1992.  Now, I need to act as if we haven't played 20 games already, and this "preview" is being written before the season started, but I can't ignore the fact that these guys have both the player and pitcher of the week for the first week of Season 24.  Seriously, fuck this team.  How did they end up with Aldridge?!?  Who approved this?  Jarvis.  Roque.  Castillo.  Did I mention I hate this team?  The pitching is good, but not good for long innings.  The defense is well above average.  And the offense gives me a boner.  Like for serious.  Come here and feel this.

Minnesota - They haven't made the playoffs since S20, and they won't this year either.  Oooooooo, big predictions early in the....um......prediction post.  So I'm supposed to make big predictions?  Dammit.  I'm writing all of this while watching The Walking Dead.  So it's likely that nothing I write will make sense.  Sorry ruffles and everyone after this section.  Pretty decent pitching staff here, but much like Milwaukee, there aren't many inning eaters.  The offense is pretty decent.  Nathan is a stud, and there are a few other guys that can hang.  The defense isn't going to win any games for them, but it's enough to maybe keep it close.  They're missing a few pieces, but it's a valiant effort.

Madison - They won the division last year after paranoid tried to destroy the gift he was given.  blapo is following suit by putting together a truly horrible team.  I just looked at ratings and threw up in my mouth a little bit.  Did I mention I've been drinking?  Take nothing personally.  Unless I don't like you, then take it very personally.  The defense is bad.  The pitching is equally bad.  The hitting is nothing impressive either, since their best hitter can only muster maybe 40 games before getting tired.  Bad News Bears.

Fargo - They haven't been good in a long time, but after enough top 10 picks, don't they have to eventually do something?  They have some guys in the pipeline, but it feels like they should be better at this point.  Oh well.  #ALisweek The defense is decent, the pitching is atrocious, but thank god Junior Hoffman is still banging around.  The rest of the offense is pretty average.

Division: Milwaukee, Minny, Madison, then Fargo

But here's a pretty girl:

AL Preview - East

Cincy - I'm 35 years old and still don't know how to spell that city correctly.  So we'll just call them Cincy.  I'll say it again, this franchise has NEVER made the playoffs.  Ever.  23 seasons and no playoff appearances.  You can still count on one hand how many times they've finished second in the division.  Granted, they had a rough start in terms of owner turnover, and a rough patch before mwhelan.  They have a decent squad, maybe enough to contend for a playoff spot.  History in the making!!  Defense is decent, a couple of good pitchers, Vic is going to be an all-star, but that's about all they've got.

New York - Wait, when did we invite back devon?  And how did he end up with domi's old team?  Am I the only one laughing at the irony here?  I am?  Fine, fuck you guys.  The Genesis is/are pretty decent, devon inherited a good squad.  Decent defense, decent pitching, above average hitting, I guess they'll win a few games.  It's always a weak division, so anything can happen.

Syracuse - Did I just say it's a weak division?  I always forget about these guys.  They spend a lot of money, and have a decent amount of talent.  The defense is solid, the pitching is quite great, and the hitting is more than enough to win this division.  The question is whether or not they can advance to the big time and make a WS appearance.  Probably not, but it's good to dream.

Chicago - The tanking, er, rebuilding continues.  Less than $30M in salary, we're looking at $45M in prospect this year, which might be a new record.  The defense is good enough to not draw attention, but the pitching is horrendous, and the offense is equally bad.

Can we just fold this division?  Just close it up.  Pretend it never existed.

Prediction: Syracuse, NY, Sinsinatee, then Chicago

Pretty girl:

NL West

Arizona Outlaws
Aims to repeat as division champ with two big free agent signings.
Back Ended: Jack Bergen
Fading Legend: Buck Cain
Best Hitter: Daryl Hawksworth 
Best Pitcher: Aaron Chatwood 
Defense:     7.25 Would be an 8.25, but glove work behind the plate is Piazza-like.    
Offense:     7.25 Dangerous, but not necessarily dominating.    
Pitching:    6.75  Good control and power, but not loaded in splits.   
Total:           21


Oklahoma City Victory Dolls
The Buck-less era is upon us, what can be done when 20 million is off the books.
WTF?!: Max Belliard
(sure it's only 59 innings, but how does a guy like that have those stats?)
By Far the Team MVP: Lance Foster
Best Pitcher: Thomas Freeman 
Defense:     6.75 Good at some positions, not great at more critical ones.
Offense:     6.5 Excellent eye at the plate, and some power, but will swing and miss a lot.
Pitching:    6.75 Will keep the team in games, but won't outright win many, on it's own.
Total:        20


San Francisco Barking Seals
Always a wildcard threat, looks to step up and claim the title using, mainly, their gloves.
Still Playing: Donaldo Escobar
Highest Paid: Tyrone Howard 
Brightest Light in the System: Andrea McCartney 
Best Pitcher: Peter Bennett 
Defense:     8.25 Very much the team strength
Offense:     6.25 Similar to OKC, but without the power and more speed.
Pitching:    6.5  No top line pitching, but many competent arms. Not deep, though.
Total:       21

Las Vegas Corn Dogs
If this team finishes the season in fourth place, again, I'm sending a tersely worded missive to somebody.
Mr. Barking Seal (and Best NL Pitcher): Midre Brandt
Best Hitter (or Should Be): Ismael Lunar
Best Hitter Against Lefties: Juan Sosa 
The Other Great Starter: Ivan Barcelo 
Defense:     8.25 Aside from a couple, essentially, DHs having to play, extremely good in the field.
Offense:     7 Plenty of contact and power, but a little weak vs righties, and not patient, as a whole.
Pitching:    8 More than just Brandt and Barcelo
Total:        23


 

 Mascot: Emily


Well, that's it.

 THE END

 

NL South

NL SOUTH

Jacksonville Jimmies
Came back from being down 3-0 to your author, to pilfer last season's World Series title. I'm still bitter, what a pile of shit, I'm certain bnags performed oral favours on whatif staff (or somebody, don't know if anyone works here anymore)
Best Hitter: Yamil James
Best Pitcher: Yamid Estalella
Can't Break the ML Line-up: Hiram Donald 
Big Bucks: Sherman Riley
Defense:  8.25 A bunch of rangey hoovers.
Offense:   8.5 No huge power threat, but contact and splits ago-go.
Pitching:  8.25 As a staff, a little weak on lefties, but otherwise, dominant
Total:    24.75

Atlanta Bullochs
Perennial contender and endless developer of talent, still with a fairly meager payroll. Son of a bitch.
Best Hitter: Joel Harvey
Ready for the Call: Albert Salinas and Clayton Hamilton
Best Shortstop in BPF History, Fading: Delmon Patterson
Defense:   7 Not deep with the glove rating, but still good.
Offense:   8.75 Huge top end power bats, with contact, splits and eye.
Pitching: 7.25 Not the greatest collection of control pitchers, but very effective
Total:    23

Tampa Bay Grays 
Maybe starting to turn things around, but doubt there's any chance threatening Atlanta and J-ville.
Best Hitter: Jesus Gabriel
In the System: Harry Castro
Big Bucks: Curtis Hernandez
Savvy Signing: Gerardo Callaspo 
Defense:   8 Excellent up the middle, very good across the infield.
Offense:   5.75 Not very intimidating despite a few big power bats.
Pitching:  6.75 Capable staff overall, but no Cy Young candidate.
Total:    20.5

Jackson Generals 
Looks like there's been some money spent in Jackson, maybe 70 wins can be achieved.
Best Hitter: Alejandro Gonzalez
Best Free Agent Get: See above
Big Bucks: Nicky Sherman
On the Farm: Trevor Shannon
Defense:  7 Much improved from the last few seasons.
Offense:  6.75 Very effective against lefties, but not blessed with top end hitters.
Pitching:  7 Also much improved, both in quality and quantity.
Total:    20.75

Mascot: Candace Swanepoel (or something like that)

Season 24 NL Preview

NL NORTH

Rochester Mountain Dwellers 
bobkordecki received the OotY for his excellent job of winning the division, now it's time to see if it  was a fluke, a one off, or a sustained period of divisional dominance
MVP Candidate: Pep Choo
Big FA Gets: Louis Christman and R.J. Jacquez 
Best Pitcher: See Above
Defense:   7.25 Very good where it counts.
Offense:   7.25 Lacking in power bats, but very good splits and eye, with high contact.
Pitching:  6.75 Almost a 7, just not as much control as I would like, and a little short on splits.
Total:    21.75

Boston Brewers 
Progress continues to be made in Boston, but is there more in the tank, to challenge the Mountain Dwellers?
I'll Take "Unlikely BPF Birthplaces", Alex: John Kuo
Highest Paid:Kyle Bryne
Best Pitcher: Julio Manzanillo
Defense:   6 Will not lead BPF in fielding percentage. No. no they won't.
Offense:   6.25 Some boppers, but not exactly the '27 Yanks.
Pitching:  7.25 Definitely the team strength, but is it enough to challenge for the division?
Total:    19.50

 Chicago Wet Bandits
A drop of 13 wins from the previous season could mean the start of leaner times in the Windy City. Actually, no. Last season was a fluke crap out.
Hello Season 22: Heinie Cormier 
Best Hitter: Renyel Volquez 
Highest Paid Player: Brian King
Best Pitcher/Trade Get: Jerry Perez 
Defense:   7.75 Very good all around defense.
Offense:   7.75 Very good all around offense.

Pitching:  7.75 Very good all around pitching.

Total:    23.25

Charlotte Stone Crabs 
A team struggling to emerge from the swamp of non-success. Here's hoping a 90 mil payroll can achieve more than the 66 wins of last season.

Wrong League: Juan Frieri
Still Around: Max Gonzalez
Hope For The Future: Gordon Maranville
And Arthur Washington
Highest Paid: Bud Perez
Defense:   4.75 Not exactly confidence building if you're a Crab Pitcher.
Offense:   7.25 No real weakness in the line-up..

Pitching:  7   Lots of control, and will, by and large keep the ball down
Total:    19

Division mascot, Megan Fox
 

Season 24 NL North Preview

Round 2.

NL North

Wichita Jack Straws
78 wins were enough for Wichita to win it's second straight division title, but represented a sizable drop-off from the 90 posted in season 22.
Best Player: Randy Matthews
Most Expensive: Bob Roberts
Best Hitter: Tony Nomura
Defense:   7.25. Rangey up the middle, with good gloves
Offense:   6.75  Speed and contact, but no power threat
Pitching:   7   Fairly good control, and some fireballers in the pen
Total:       21

New Britain Rock Cats
Looks like a turnaround is occurring, wherever the fuck New Britain is, after an eon of robust losing.
Best Player: Stephen Watson
Most Expensive/Big Free Agent Get: Billy Black
Big Trade Get: Carlos Gonzalez
Defense:   5.25. Decent ranges, but no glove studs
Offense:   6.75  Power and speed, otherwise, kinda meh
Pitching:  8.25   Control and heat abound!
Total:       20.25

 Sioux Falls Canaries
Another team on the ascendant path if they get enough pitching. A miniscule 40 million payroll, combined with some talent, means modest success now and better times later.

Best Player: Ricky Harang
Stolen from me in last season's rule 5/ Best Hitter: Al Montero
All BPF Bench Team: Willis Fisher
Future Star: Francisco Ramirez
Defense:  7 Great at SS, little weak at C and CF.

Offense:  7 Nothing remarkable, but will get the job done enough to compete. Excellent speed. Good splits.
Pitching:  5 Or 4.5, not great, to put it mildly. I will be generous.
Total:      19

St. Louis Serial Killerz
tomhighway comes full circle, and retakes possession of his original BPF founding franchise.
Best Player: Christopher Garcia
Thatsa Alotta Meatballs: Slash Burns
Wow, Look At His Overall, Oh, Nevermind: Kennie Charlton

Defense:  7 SS and CF are covered, but not deep, good the rest of the way.

Offense:  6 No one stands out as a major award, or even Silver Slugger, contender. More speed in the NL North.
Pitching:  5.75 Weak control will present a problem. Tougher against righties, as a whole.
Total:      18.75

And just for the ol' "why not":

And this division's celebrity mascot is:

Miranda Kerr. Congratulations.

Oh, Emily, the lines aren't blurred.

My BabyMama says if Emily did porn, it would be the only porn she'd watch.