An Interview With The Chief

There are some mornings when Vancouver Coastals owner and GM, camden68, starts the day with the remains of last night's 26er of some retrograde rocket fuel and a jolly game of Russian Roulette. Lately Heinie Cormier has Mr. 68 putting an extra round in the chamber. No luck so far. So The BPF Gazette-Chronicle-Herald-Times-Star-Post-Patch-Shopper sat down with the player Coastal fans have dubbed "Chief RunningJoke". Other monikers dropped on "Chief" have included "The Sultan Of Suck", "TheUnnatural", and, perhaps most cruelly, "Useless Fucking Piece of Shit"

BPFGCHTSPPS: Thanks for sitting down with us Heinie. First off, just why do you suck so bad?

HEINIE: My name is a euphemism for ass. I like the sound of my bat creating an out. I suck.

BPFGCHTSPPS: Have you ever thought about not being a worthless piece of shit?

HEINIE: No, never.

BPFGCHTSPPS: Vancouver fans realize you aren't MVP material but they believe you should be better than a .220 hitter, do you agree with them.

HEINIE: Obviously not. I think it takes a lot of courage to hit 60 points below your ratings. Plus the owner/GM is the worst owner in HBD. They way reigny can squeeze 50-55 wins out of nothing, and camden can barely scratch .500 witha stacked ML roster proves it. Look at his playoff record. He used to make playoffs after playoffs with 110 win teams, but has made a grand total of one World Series. Usually he never wins a playoff game. his team's just quit on him. For instance, look at this guy from his old team in Gehrig:

Royce Tannehill Rochester Red Royal North Stars Age: 31 B/T: R/R Born: Dubois, WY Position(s): P (SP3) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

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Check out his playoff stats compared to his regular season stats. That's all camden68. Nobody likes playing for him. I think it's because he's as clueless as I am.

BPFGCHTSPPS: That's a pretty serious charge because you are simply awful.

HEINIE: Like attracts like, you reap what you sow, yaddayaddayadda. I want to play for an owner, any owner, that's not camden68. Maybe I will start playing to my ratings, but until then I will continue to approach the plate fully secure in the knowledge I'm the next out. I like to call myself Mr. 0-4. Nothing is more satisfying than a weak grounder back to the pitcher. A pop foul to first also feels pretty good.

BPFGCHTSPPS: Well Heinie, you really are a worthless piece of shit. Thanks for your honesty and good luck sucking the rest of the way.

HEINIE:You're welcome.

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