BPF'S OWNERS ILLUSTRATED, PART II, BY SERGEI91

surely you queebies in the nl didn't think you'd be safe from my onslaught. here's you people, same rules as the al:


statman527:

hard at work, enjoying his hbd experience like the rest of us




andersaa:




















what the frig, bro? put your shirt on before i draft you for kansas city.






hshack:



h and the wife, just before the camera crew from 'cribs' showed up. nice digs, homie.










bbmogul:








bb getting ready for what used to pass for fun back in the early 1900s, flying a kite. bonus points for the stylish bolo tie.








vector21:







if you look like a gold plated claudia schiffer, you're gonna be the most popular owner on wis. call me.








kscott2421:












how strange. i've never seen those without the strap. and so non-brown-stained as well. must be pre-usage.









rootgargle:




had to go with 'root gargle' on this one. look- it's devon and his blower's cramp! ragging on old dev never gets old, i swear







jstnklly:





looks like google wants you to be 'stinkfly'. if they redo the exorcist (again), you can try out for regan's part. mmmmmmmm...pea soup




playboy33:








kathy shower was hott. she's probably 64 now, but i'd still chuck it in her.














bluegreyjay:










you mean if i buy this shirt i can look like the bassist for metallica??? send me 2 dozen, stat!
had to go with 'blue grey jay' for the search.











dennisdee:


nice pj's. does anyone know how to cut a nancy boy out of a gif???





bnags:





winona ryder used to be hott. i should have her steal us some rubbers and a six pack of zima. good times, good times.


















tomhighway:

'bang! bang! that's how a gun works. that is all.'


njohnson78:




i think the real njohnson78 shows up on google search, so let's look here at willie johnson. man is a goddamn PIMP! even his name is ballin! his moms basically named him Penis Penis.




bbwinksdaddy:




'bbwinksdaddy' gets us nothing. 'bbwinks' gets us this dirty whore. me likey.






shynent:



that is one muscular dog. i bet the local chinese food restaurant could get 15-20 entrees out of it.







well, i'm off like devon's pants at a wis company picnic/orgyfest. more next time i have another marvelous blog idea.

BPF'S SCREENNAMES ILLUSTRATED, BY SERGEI91

since i'm more bored than a priest at a lezzie convention, i'm gonna whip up my first long blog entry for youze guys. i'll google everyone's screenname and see what comes up on the first page for pics. let's hope you guys don't use the same names when you troll for underage fellers online....


AL first

foolsgold79:

congrats, bro. you are totally a matthew mcconaghey handbag. keeps your tampons and bongs safe in style while you jog with your shirt off. daily.

21mira21:

you are a bunch of black and blue nhl pucks. since my fingers and toes only go up to 20, i can't tell if you're a full set. i'll just add my dong and skin rocks to em and say there's 23 of ya. way to be.

patterba:

call me a romantic, but this screams out 'sorry i fucked your sister/mom on our anniversary and then passed out'. you sneaky dog, you.

mb's bengals:

this was the most compelling pic other than all the tiger photos. this guy is saying to me 'guess where your toothbrush is right now'. and for the record, i'll just let him keep it.

hawkeyeone:

since most of the other entries were from porn sites, we have this one that looks like a mix of mario brothers and some game where a guy shoots a gun. i was hoping for some m*a*s*h pics, but i guess i lose.

domiisgod:

apparently google image search REALLY REALLY REALLY wants you to be 'demigod'. which is a video game. with very very large pics. i settled on this album cover? all i want to know is- what's up with your bellybutton???

alogman1:

holy shitballs. if this dood doesn't get ass when he's out at the bar, what hope is there for the rest of us??? don't forget to rub his belly for good luck.

devonjain:
shown: 2 nerdstroms. not shown: devon just underneath the viewfinder with his kneepads on. the guys are saying 'we don't even work for wis'. devon's reply, 'nom nom nom. need. another. title. slurp'.

p.s. this was actually a search of devon jain, because all the pics for devonjain were from his hbdblogs and lets face it, those are boring as shit.

jcarver67:

jcarver67 didn't get any hits. but jcarver 67 is the terminator of the al south.

sergei91:

is there any surprise this guy would be the owner of the Kansas City Faggots??? i thought not.

kemosabe11:

it's a broad giving a thumbs up. the female version of 'dead meat' from 'hot shots'.

mesapitfan:

nothing came up for 'mesapitfan' so i went with 'pitfan'. you'd gotta have some big stinky pits to need that fan.

camden68:

i shit you not, this pic comes up with his name. google it yourself if you don't believe me. dude- you said you were working out, but perhaps a haircut would be in order as well?

shiish:

they spelled your name wrong. sorry.

caseroc:

is this you, bro? i'm thinking taking the knit cap off might help you sweat less. just a thought.

griffey491:

the only non-ken griffey jr pic. rip, these 2.

well, that's it, cocks. it would have been better but some of your screennames are lacking. hope you enjoyed but if not, who cares? it was free anyway!

The AL so far (I don't really look at the NL, ewww)

Well still early, but many of my predictions are wonky. Milwaukee isn't doing as well as expected, the Yankee's fortunes have hit the shitter, The Faggots are forcing their opponents to take a hard one up the ass, without so much as spit for lube, and my Coastals are playing to their caliber and above, much to my astonishment. The AL North and East are still looking for someone to take the bull by the horns and run.

That's all i got, sorry. I was going to tell tales of my sexual exploits, but nobody needs to know about the time I got a blow job on the ferry crossing Halifax harbour, or that i double penetrate my chick with either a vibe in her pussy if I'm in her ass, or a plug in the butt, if I'm pounding her gash. That's just crude and unnecessary.

Urban Dictionary definition of a Ballpark Frank.

Ball Park Frank
When you shit in a girls cleavage therefore, it looks like a hotdog in a roll

"I ball park franked your mom!"

A chick i saw from my kitchen window.

Check out that ass. You can kind of make it out, but the pants were sheer, so she's basically naked from the waist down. didn't get a good view of the front, unfortunately. So I either missed a wicked camel toe in a thong, or straight up gash. I just thought I'd share.

NL West S10 Preview

I've been in 13 worlds in HBD, some longer than others.  It's a coin toss between this one and Warning Track, as to which is my favorite.  And in both cases, I think my preference for these two leagues is based on how competitive my division is.  Nobody is winning the division by 20 games at the all-star break.  Nobody loses 100 games (at least not lately).  It's just so much more entertaining when the division is tight.

Oakland Ownage -- Division winner each of the last four seasons, and WS winner last year, the Ownage are the NL favorites again.  And with $139M in payroll, anything less than another deep run into the playoffs will be disappointing.  Much like my marriage.  Wait, what?  With no big transactions during the offseason, ownership is assuming the squad can get the same results as last season.  Hall, Wayne, Ramirez, Greenberg, blah blah blah, those guys are still there obviously.  Hitting wise, these guys are off the charts.  Their pitching ain't too bad.  The defense might be the one area that they aren't at the top of the league.  They're the favorites, everyone is chasing them.

Offense: A
Defense: B
Pitching: A
Prediction: 103-59, 1st in the division

Las Vegas Bandits -- Movin' on up, to the east side, Vegas has been progressing since shynent took over, and they're hoping to make another jump this season.  Picking up Aguilera last season was a good start.  But they were suspiciously quiet this season, not making a splash in FA or in the trade market.  But with Aguilera, Krivda, Canseco and Martin, maybe they didn't need to do anything else this year.  The pitching is average, but if they can bang out 300 HR's again, maybe they won't need much pitching.  They're getting better, that's for damn sure.

Offense: B+
Defense: C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81, 3rd in the division

Albuquerque Sandias -- I haven't been this busy with a team in any world in a while.  Three big trades.  One huge FA signing.  I'm visibly excited about this team, but also not convinced that we'll win anything.  Clearly the offense will be led by Cairo, Spahn, Alarcon, Cain, Mairena, and Mendez.  We might even finish as a top 3 offense in the NL.  Our defense is average.  The question is whether or not the pitching can keep the team ERA under 5.00 this season.  It was 4.56 last season.  Last year's offense scored 5.09 runs per game.  I think we're bound to up that number this year, which means my pitching staff can get beat up a little more, and it won't hurt us.  Knock on wood.

Offense: A
Defense: B-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 90-72, 2nd in division

Colorado Swingers -- Colorado was 2nd or 3rd in the division every season until last year, when they slipped to the bottom of the division for the first time.  So what was their plan for getting back into the fight?  Apparently that plan involved not making any significant changes to their roster.  Everything looks very similar to last year.  So McCormick and Washington are still at the plate.  Serrano and Diaz are still throwing the ball.  But those same guys finished at the bottom of the division last year.  Can they simply do better this year?

Offense: B-
Defense: B+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division

NL South S10 Preview

Jacksonville Jimmies -- I hate guys who can win games with moderate budgets.  That's right, I hate bnags.  Other than Season 1 when he was more or less handcuffed with contracts he might not have wanted, he hasn't gone over $75M except for Season 6.  Meanwhile, he's played .550+ ball each of the last five seasons.  What makes me happy?  He's still got that Rick Halama contract this season.  But he's also got Neal, White, Wan, etc.  The starting pitching is a little bit suspect, but the bullpen is sound.  Is that gonna be enough to get these guys back to the World Series?  I just farted.

Offense: A
Defense: C
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 95-67, 1st in division

Jackson Generals -- Shooting for their 10th straight .500+ season, Jackson is the picture of consistency.  They have the hitting (Ontiveros, Wagner, Strickland), they have the pitching (May, Black, Stahl), they have the defense (Strickland, Arias, O'Rourke).  But......they didn't do anything to improve from last season to this one.  "If you stand still, you get passed."

Offense: B
Defense: B+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in division

New Orleans Posse -- Nine seasons, nine sub .500 records.  But last season was the closest they have been to .500 in their history.  Can they finally get there this year?  Lots of former first-rounders are coming into their own at this point.  The top end of the team's roster is just full of young guns.  And I'm not talking about Emilio Estevez.  The hitting is solid.  The defense is good.  It's going to be the pitching, like it is for so many other teams, that hinders them this season.  Corban Little will be good, but he can't start everyday.  These guys are improving, but they're still a ways behind Jackson and Jacksonville.

Offense: C
Defense: B
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81, 2nd in division

Charlotte Sometimes -- BGJ, you need to explain this team name.  I still don't get it.  But this poor team has had such turnover the last few seasons.  After posting its first 100 loss season, things can only get better this year, right?  There are no ridiculous salaries, which is good.  Espinosa and Donovan were good pick-ups.  Bubba Coles was shopped quite a bit, which I don't get since he is one of the best players on the team.  But unlike every other team so far, the Sometimes will actually be led by the pitching staff, as the offense tries to keep up.  Pitching wins games, right?

Offense: C-
Defense: B
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division

NL East S10 Preview

Indianapolis Indians -- 89 wins last season was good enough for the division title, but the Injuns couldn't get out of the first round.  What's the answer to that? Throw more money at it!  The Indians upped the budget even more this season,  with $140M put into player personnel.  $20M of that goes to the timeless Chris Matthews, who is slated to get another $20M in Season 11 if he doesn't opt out of his contract.  When all is said and done, he will have made $217.5M during his tenure in BPF.  Jesus H Christ.  He probably won't hit 200 wins for his career, but we should still vote him into the HOF just because of the cash he has made.  The major FA additions of the offseason were Alan Heving ($4M), Cookie Nakamura ($5.5M), and Juan Diaz ($3M), all of whom were Type B's.  Last year's offense is still there.  Ryan, Gorecki, Uribe, Santos, Wilkerson.....they're just stacked.  Matthews, Drew, and Frias are the top pitchers obviously, and the bullpen is solid as well.  How did these guys not do better last season?  Was it just a let down after the WS appearance?  Will they get back there this year?

Offense: A-
Defense: A-
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 100-62

St Louis Oxbows -- Steadily progressing these last few seasons, the Oxbows are ready to make even more progress this season, which started with a brilliant signing of Hunter Bryant at a discounted price of $21.3M over three years.  Combine him with guys like Borbon, Morton and Griffith, the offense is looking good.  And we already know about the pitching, with Jumbo, Roosevelt, McGlinchy, and Mesa.  These guys are coming back.  Just you wait.

Offense: B
Defense: B
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 90-72

Hartford Insurance Men -- Since that World Series win way back in Season 2, this franchise hasn't made it out of the first round of the playoffs.  But that hasn't stopped them from trudging along, making the occasional wild card appearance, and otherwise being a thorn in the side of most other NL squads.  Pizzaro and Lee are still a fantastic one-two punch.  Arias and Evans are still there.  But the depth is lacking.  And boy is the defense lacking.  If you can put the ball in play, there's a good chance the Insurance Men defense won't get to it.

Offense: C+
Defense: D
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 72-90

Durham Bulls -- The yearly whipping boy of the East, they've lost 100+ games in four of the last five seasons. Poor bastards.  Signing Ricky Kidd was a good step.  Servais and Ruffin were good pick-ups.  And they're all Type B's, so the team doesn't lose any picks.  But is it just a band-aid?  Should Sam Anderson get called up?  Al Ramirez?  The good news is, help is on the way.  Three or four big-time studs are hanging out in AA right now.  Will we see them at the ML level in Season 11?  Will that help Durham get out of the basement?  Because that's where they're going to be again this season.

Offense: C-
Defense: D
Pitching: D+
Prediction: 65-97

NL North S10 Preview

Buffalo Wooden Nickel -- 92-70 last year won them the division, and they managed to move on to the NLCS for the first time in franchise history.  35-year-old Roosevelt Brower is back for the final year of his $20M/yr contract, after having one of his finest seasons in recent memory last year.  Missing a little pop now in his advanced age, can he have the same sort of season?  Will he get another contract during the season, or will he be a really old Type A next year?  But Brower is a small story relative to Crawford and Johnson, who are coming into their own, and are arguably the MVP's for this Buffalo squad.  A close second in that MVP race is the entire Buffalo bullpen.  While the starters leave a little to be desired, the manager will never think twice about handing the ball to someone from the pen.  The question is whether or not the offense can do enough to have a lead when the bullpen comes in.

Offense: B+
Defense: D+
Pitching: starters - D+, bullpen - A
Prediction: 84-78, 2nd in division

Iowa City Cornish Hens -- Up and down, up and down, this team seems to be always hovering around that .500 range.  Led by the pitching of Kojima and Miranda, they get some offense from Sizemore and Matthews, and the potentially great Vinny Bong closing games.  The question mark for the team is if they are deep enough in those areas to make any noise.  I'm gonna go with 'no.'

Offense: C
Defense: C+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 74-88, 4th in division

Cincinnati Red Thumpers: After spending the first four seasons at the bottom of the division, the squad has made the playoffs three of the last five.  Flash Bass is the man. Howry, Payton, and Stewart don't suck.  Do these guys have a division title in them this season?  The problem is that their top guys aren't 162-gamers.  Can the subs keep up the level of play while the stars get some rest?

Offense: B+
Defense: A-
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 95-67, 1st in division

Helena Homies: After a huge upswing from the chadtv days, these guys are poised to make even more noise this season.  Rivera, Cheng, and Valentin are not slouches.  The pitching is not amazing, but it's not bad either.  The defense is good where it needs to be good.  Can these guys fight for a wild card after seven seasons of sub .500 ball?

Offense: C+
Defense: B
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in divison