AL Least, errr...East

Chicago Black Holes
Sweet, Crispy Jesus! Um, wow, there's a new sheriff in town in the AL East. This team scares the living shit out of me. The pitching isn't as strong down the line, as Milwaukee and Vancouver on paper but that's on paper and we all know paper's only good for beer labels, rolling papers and porn mags. Boasting top end talent and depth, Chicago cemented it's contender status with the acquisitions of Wayne and Hall from Milwaukee. Fear being sucked into the Black Holes gravity of awesomeness. I do.
Defense: B+
Offense: A
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 104-58
Googled Chicago Girl Shot:


New York Yankees
Any team with Geronimo Cruz, Nate Laroche, Carlos Diaz, and Ray Post is a dangerous team, but talent level drops off after that. A fading legend in De La Vega, and not much depth in the line-up could see the Yanks miss the playoff for the second straight season. 10 ML pitchers won't help much either. Too bad that it's rebuild time but the payroll is a scouting killing 104 mil. A hearty Nelson Muntz "HaHa".
Defence: B+
Offence: C+
Pitching: Incomplete
Prediction: 86-76
Googled New York Girl Shot:


Trenton Enforcers
I can't wait to google "Hot Chicks+Trenton" see what results I get. Deeeeep in higher (70+) overall guys but still a touch short on the ratings that matter. Still, this team will make for some miserable series for the opposition occaisionally. The only true superstar is Tex Lombardi. After that it's a Cecil B. Demille-like cast of thousands. If some depth could be parlayed into a couple studs this team would be much scarier. Really lacking pop in the line-up.
Defence: C+
Offence: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 78-84
Googled Trenton Girl Shot:


Burlington Coat Factories
Farewell domi. May a clue come upon thee. Well, well, jonboy I see you've tasted playoff success I can only wet dream of. Fuck you. With a very strong rotation pitching half the season in Burlington, the most extreme pitcher's park in HBF, this squad will finish in the top 3 in AL pitching. No real offensive superman but a line-up capable of putting up some numbers some nights. Domi never gave a crap about preventing wins behind the pitcher so defense is a sore spot. I'm sure in a couple years ownership will be taking this team to dizzying heights.
Defence: C
Offense: B-
Pitching: B
Prediction: 84-78
Googled Burlington Girl Shot:

Just kidding

AL North:

Milwaukee Ueckers
The reigning WS Champ saw some major shaking up this off season. Of course with an FG owned team we’ve seen a barrage of trades, acquiring Jon Drew, and Edgar Frias (sonofabitch, motherfucker). On the outs, the Uecks bid adieu (that’s ‘good-bye’ in French, for you Americans) to Delino Hall, Kane Knotts, and Dummy Wayne. Most teams would be devastated losing that talent but noooooo. Throw in Hideo Suh(Who I hope will bring his legacy of playoff failure to Milwaukee) as the major FA signing and you have a formidable squad. A lock to win the division and one of the two playoff byes. Great top end defence, pitching, and hitting. And the system is loaded with prospects. I might soon have a new target for my “fuck you”s. Move over devonjain, there’s a new success-based cocksucker in this world. So enjoy polishing your trophy FG, hope you have room on the mantle for another.
Defence: B+
Offence: A-
Pitching: A
Prediction: 106-56 (1st in division)
Googled Milwaukee Girl Shot:



Montreal Maroons
I was looking at this team’s system at the end of Season 7, and I was thinking “Damn, in another season this team will be huge”. Instead we have seen a backwards slide, but hey at least the payroll is minisculey low. You’d think having zillions in prospect and amateur scouting season after season would mean a loaded system, but you’d be wrong. I can’t help but think of a Hamster in a wheel. Still, it makes things interesting, some of the seasons biggest deals will involve Montreal, although with my system devoid of prospects, I’ll personally be hitting the reject button a lot less. I’d like to see what I could with 6-7 seasons of the same budgeting. Both hitters and pitchers will be stronger against lefties, which is slightly unfortunate due to majority of players being righties. Young team with some high end talent, should be improved over last season, could (could) challenge for a wildcard spot.
Defence: A
Offence: B-
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 87-75
Googled Montreal Girl Shot:


Seattle Nirvana
Looks to be another long season on the Rain Coast. Season after punishing season of inept ownership by drew left the cupboards with naught but dust and mouse turds. Patterba looks to be sticking around to haul this shipwreck back to the surface and get it floating again. But it won’t happen this season. No trades so far, but who’s attractive? One minor FA signing. Season 12, will be picking in the top five.
Defence: A
Offence: C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 62-100
Googled Seattle Girl Shot:


Detroit Drive
Sigh. Mirroring the Lions this perennial Also Ran hopes for something, anything. Management needs to identify where to start, and take the path to reward. It’s not to late to begin. The effort is there, but this team still needs help at all levels. Remember that spider/guy at the end of the original Fly, this team is that guy.
Defence: D+
Offence: C-
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 59-103
Googled Detroit Girl Shot:

The Mother Fucking NL West S11 Preview

Arguably the best division in all of HBD, only 3 games separated first and fourth place last season.  12 playoff appearances, with 1 WS win and another WS appearance in ten seasons.  OK, maybe we suck. 

Not a single playoff appearance in ten seasons, Colorado loves playing .500 ball.  After two really bad seasons to start the franchise, new management came in and brought the squad up to some decent standards.  Lots of second and third place finishes in the division during the next eight seasons, but.....no playoffs.  This offseason saw them trade away a setup guy for a catcher, but that was about it for movement.  Washington and McCormick are still good.  Bringing in Mo Nathan was a good move.  And slowly but surely, management has brought in a pitching staff that won't get shelled in Colroado.  Is it good enough to finally get them a playoff spot in this tough division?
Batting - B
Pitching - B
Fielding - B+
Prediction - 80 wins, 3rd in division

After winning the division during four of the first five seasons, Albuquerque has only made the playoffs twice in the last five seasons.  On paper, guys like Cain, Alarcon, Cairo, Jumbo and Rico look great.  But can they finally get this team a first round win?  It's painful how bad these guys have been in the playoffs during their history.  Losing Spahn and James to free agency does not help matters, but signing Mesa and Miles might even it out. 
Batting - B+
Pitching - B
Fielding - C
Prediction - 88 wins, 2nd in division

Always a favorite to move deep into the playoffs, the Ownage moved to Salem this year, a city where I won a WS in another world.  Other than losing their closer to FA, and trading away a 1B for a defensive specialist, Salem was very quiet during the offseason.  They don't seem quite as scary on paper as they were a season or two ago, but they still have plenty of depth, with Ramirez, Singleton, Collins, etc.  The hitting is there.  The pitching is still top notch.  They've improved defensively.  Do they get back to the WS this year?
Batting - B
Pitching - A
Fielding - B+
Prediction - 90 wins, 1st in division

Las Vegas got 84 wins in S9 and finished 2nd in the division.  In S10 they got the same number of wins, but finished 4th in the division.  Goodness.  Floating the largest budget in franchise history, the Bandits are clearly not content with 4th place.  Aguilera and Canseco are studs, and management brought in Brooks, Hong and Parrish to help out this year, while feeling confident enough in the current roster to trade away Green for three prospects.  Hopefully that last move doesn't blow up in their face this season.
Batting - B
Pitching - B-
Fielding - B-
Prediction - 78 wins, 4th in division

NL Dirty South S11

With 14 playoff appearances, 3 WS wins, and another appearance in a WS, this is one of the more successful divisions in BPF.  And with two owners who have been here since the start, it is one of the most consistent as well.

New Orleans won 83 games last season, the most in franchise history, as they also garnered their first division title.  Should we get excited about this?  Maybe.  Management seems focused on improving even more this year, as they traded away a young prospect for some more ML talent, and last year's players are yet another year more mature.  The roster is a pretty even mix of young guns and older veterans.  Picking up Yearwood was smart.  Signing Hendricksen was....interesting.  If there's a flaw here, it'll be in the pitching staff.
Batting - B
Pitching - C
Fielding - B
Prediction - 78 wins, 3rd in the division

After finishing below .500 for the first time in franchise history, Jackson's GM was found by police in the pool behind his mansion, drunk and high on bourbon and cocaine, firing his shotgun at various awards and trophies that his butler threw into the air.  "I used to be the king," he shouted as police put cuffs on him and hauled him away.  There was a seven year stretch where the franchise made the playoffs six times, including five division titles.  But after missing the playoffs in S9, and the embarassing S10 results, management clearly wants to make one more run before blowing up the entire system and starting from scratch.  Signing free agents like Diaz, Chavez, Stahl, and Gorecki, the team's payroll is nearly $100M again.  It looks like they have the horses, it's just a matter of their owner not putting them down with his shotgun if they stumble.
Batting - B
Pitching - B-
Fielding - C-
Prediction - 82 wins, second in the division

El Paso had one of the best turnarounds in world history last year, as they improved 20 games from S9 to S10.  But considering the S9 record was the worst in franchise history, we can't help but wonder if the record was more a reflection of the new ownership that season than the quality of the team.  Either way, they got their shit together last year, finishing second in the division.  This offseason, they went out and made a huge signing with Delino Ryan, while also bringing in Travis Shea's big bat.  The offense is certainly there, with a half dozen guys who are capable of 40 HR's.  Pitching is the big question mark, like it is for so many other teams.
Batting - B+
Pitching - C+
Fielding - B
Prediction - 85 wins, first in the division

After a hiccup in S3, Jacksonville played .500+ ball for six seasons, before S10's 77 wins ended that streak.  What was management's response to this issue?  Standing pat.  The roster is very similar to last year, with Neal and White and Valenzuela leading the way.  I'm generally a fan of the idea that teams who stand still will get passed, but in this case, I think last season might have been a one-time deal. 
Batting - B
Pitching - B
Fielding - C
Prediction - 75 wins, 4th in the division

NL Easy East S11 Preview

15 playoff appearances between the four teams, including 1 World Series win, with Durham 'tarding up the entire division by never making the playoffs.  I asked my dog what he thought of the NL East, and he promptly walked onto our porch and took a shit.  It was very runny.

Hartford is the sole WS winner in this division, but I kind of want to throw out that WS.  Don't ask why.  You know why.  Anyway, the Insurance Men have been very average since that WS.  How average?  Vector's record is 571-563 during his time here.  The staples are still here.  Arias, Lee, and Pizzaro have all basically played their entire ML careers in Hartford, a consistency that is really lacking in this game.  A small FA move and zero trades during the spring, means Hartford is going to battle with roughly the same team as last year, which won 77 games for the second consecutive season.
Batting - B+
Pitching - C
Fielding - C
Prediction - 80 wins, 2nd in the division

St Louis, lots of consistency the last four or five years, culminating with a division win last season.  A huge payroll this year due to some heavy FA signings, these guys are trying to make a real run at the WS here in S11. Spahn and James are costing the team nearly $30M this year, but any time you can add two HoF'ers in their prime, don't you have to?  Throw in guys like Bryant, Griffith, McGlinchy, and Morton, this team looks very serious.  80+ wins each of the last four years, they should easily hit the 90 win mark this year.
Batting - B+
Pitching - B+
Fielding - A
Prediction - 95 wins, 1st in the division

Historically, Durham has been the worst team in this division.  Four 100+ loss seasons in the last six years, with S1 being the only time the team finished at .500 or better, the fans in Durham have had nothing to be excited about.  Until now.  Six guys are under the age of 25, and they'll all be starters this year.  Are they going to win the WS this year?  Nope.  Are they going to make the playoffs this year?  Probably not.  Will they play .500 ball this year?  Maybe.  But will this be the start of a constant improvement over the next five seasons or more?  Hells yeah.  There are even more young studs in the minors, who will come up as the older guys finish their contracts.
Batting - B
Pitching - C-
Fielding - C
Prediction - 75 wins, 3rd in the division

Dirty Baltimore.  I'm curious to see what Mr Gargle does here.  $100M set aside for salaries, but only $62M spent so far.  That's a lot of cash sitting in the bank account.  Is Baltimore in official rebuild mode?  Will we see $30M get moved into the prospect pool?  After winning the division seven years in a row, with two WS appearances in that time, last year they finished 4th in the division, with the worst win total in franchise history.  Three type B free agents were brought in, while they traded away Cammack and his $6.75M contract for a prospect.  Yup, rebuild mode.
Batting - C
Pitching - B-
Fielding - B
Prediction - 65 wins, 4th in the division

NL North S11 Preview

It's a new decade.  Will it be a good decade in the NL North, a division that combined to make the playoffs 17 times in the first 10 seasons, with one World Series appearance during that time?  Let's start with S11, before we think about the entire upcoming decade.

Buffalo Wooden Nickle.  I've been meaning to ask for a while now.  Should that be Nickel?  I don't get it.  89-76 last year, they made the playoffs as a wild card, and made it to the NLCS before getting stopped there.  Not too shabby, but it's not good enough for management, as they went out and spent a shit ton of cash on some free agents.  That should immediately makes them a contender for the World Series, but I feel like they're still lacking in certain areas.
Batting - C+
Pitching - B
Fielding - C+
Prediction - 85 wins, 3rd in the division

Iowa City Cornish Hens.  Only two sub .500 seasons in the first 10, culminating with a WS appearance last year.  They're not very flashy either, with very few high overall ratings, but they are very deep, with many guys in the 70's.  They made one small free agent signing during the spring, with no trades during that time, so they have more or less the same team as S10.  Is that enough to carry them further this year?
Batting - B
Pitching - B+
Fielding - B-
Prediction - 90 wins, 2nd in the division

Cincinnati Red Thumpers - My spell check tells me that Thumpers is not a word.  Interesting.  After some truly horrible seasons, the RT's are starting to benefit from those draft picks, as they made the playoffs three of the last five seasons, and are spending less than $60M on players this year.  Collins and Bass really came into their own the last season or two, and the team only has four guys who are 30 or older.  With everything coming together, can they win their division for the first time in a number of years?
Batting - B+
Pitching - B+
Fielding - B+
Prediction - 95 wins, 1st in the division

This division is so boring, and College Game Day is at fucking Boise State, I actually just fell asleep for a few minutes.

Helena Homies - 83 wins last year means they were 7 games out of the division lead, and only 3 games out of the wild card.  It's amazing the cycles this team went through during the first ten years.  pinner actually won 110 games in S2, before the team fell apart in seasons 3 and 4.  Chadtv then tanked the shit out of the team for 4 seasons, only finishing above .400 once during those four years.  andersaa got them back to respectability very quickly, as evidenced by them nearly making the playoffs last season.  I just don't know if they have what it takes to get past all of the dicks in their division.
Batting - B
Pitching - B
Fielding - B
Prediction - 84 wins, 4th in the division

Ummmm, yeah...

For sergei, with love

Early Free Agency

Hey dicks!

A lot of type A's have already been signed, and some of them got mother fucking paid.  Spahn is the first one, getting $100M over five years, with a no trade clause thrown in for good measure.  A future HOF'er, last year was a "down" year for him, as he only banged out 25 HR's and 4 frat boys, but he hit .329, which was a career high other than his season in Colorado, where everyone hits 40 HR's.  On top of Spahn (but not literally, because Luis doesn't swing that way), the Oxbows also signed Luis James for a pawltry $31M over four years.  Why the fuck didn't I resign James for that money?  I'm an idiot.  But for St Louis, after making the playoffs each of the last two seasons, these two pieces might be what helps get them beyond that first round.

Even more active in free agency so far has been Buffalo, who signed three type A's.  Coco Coleman and his 56-93 career record is not a household name, but he impressed the Buffalo brass enough to earn $29M over five years.  And they didn't stop there, as they then passed out $74M over four years to Frank Treadway, and $88M over five years to Gene Blackley.  Jesus H Christ.  That's a lot of cash, and Buffalo is currently sitting around $117M in total payroll for this season.  After making it to the LCS the last two seasons, they are clearly trying to make that push that puts them in the same category as the yearly WS contenders.  Picking up three SP's in one way to do that.

Dick Iorg went to Detroit, who gave him a four year deal worth $29M.  I don't really care, I just like the name Dick Iorg. 

Maybe it's because of the contract he received at the time, but I've never understood the hype behind Rico Arias.  Maybe it's because he was a ML player from day one, and he then fucked over his original franchise by not resigning with them after they paid him a shit ton of cash.  But he's never made an all-star game, he's never won an award, he's a career .282 hitter and .801 OPS, and despite being advertised throughout his career as a SS, he's really a 2B/3B kind of guy.  With that said, the fucker will probably win a WS with the Yankees this season. 

Talk about guys getting paid, Willie Diaz struck it rich this week.  The first ever pick in BPF, Little Willie (as the girls in Montreal called him) spent 8+ glorious seasons with the Montreal franchise, before getting traded to Colorado, and nearly committing suicide.  Or was it his career that nearly died?  He attempts a comeback with Jackson, who gave him $10M up front, plus another $59M spread out over five seasons.  Not too bad for a guy with a career 4.67 ERA in the Bigs. 

Still a relatively young man, Delino Ryan got picked up by El Paso, who gave him $4M up front, and another $40M over the course of four seasons.  After being traded four times, Ryan is hoping that his 6th team in his career will be the one he maybe sticks with for an extended period of time.  Baltimore was good to him for five years, but he has since been passed around like a two dollar whore.  It hasn't seemed to bother him, as he comes into S11 with 403 career HR's and just over 1100 RBI's. 

I already know this deal will blow up in my face, when Wilfredo Mesa is 37yo and I'm paying him $10M to be my closer, because he no longer has the stamina to throw more than 30 pitches a night.  He hasn't lost any arm strength yet, which is baffling to me.  But with my team's luck, he'll lose two points in that category after spring training.  And then another five throughout the course of the season.  And his stamina will be down in the low 80's before we get to the playoffs.  I hate this signing already. 

Roosevelt Brower is a borderling HOF'er with 443 HR's and 1255 RBI's in his career, yet he was just a Type B who got signed for a measly $8M over two seasons.  If he hits 30 HR's and drives in 100 runs, that's a great signing by Helena.  And maybe he'll have that goofy "H" on his hat when he goes into the Hall.