NL East S15

The theme song for the NL East this year, and St Louis specifically:

St Louis Oxbows - Six seasons under jstnklly management, three division titles and five playoff appearances, including a WS appearance last season.  Do they have what it takes this season?  Canseco, Boskie, Baez, Lombardi, Treadway, Morton, they're all back again.  The only major subtraction was Griffith being shipped off for some relievers and a prospect, but I'm sure they'll make up for his hitting with Barney Woods coming into the clubhouse.  Lombardi, Treadway, and Sivilla are still their top three guys for the playoffs, and with $121M set aside for player salaries, they're clearly shooting for another deep run into the playoffs.  But can they get over the hump?  I say no.

Offense: B+

Pitching: B+

Fielding: B

Prediction: 1st in the division, 90 wins

Rochester Red Wings: It really is amazing what a team can do when its owner wants to win.  vector21 seemed like a nice guy and everything, but Jesus H Christ he really ran that ML team into the ground.  100+ losses for three seasons, and what happens the first year adreid comes in?  A .500 ballclub.  The #1 draft pick last year, now #20 this year.  That's quite a jump.  I can't figure out what's more shocking: Rochester's jump up the rankings, or Vancouver's drop.  And how dedicated is Rochester to winning now, rather than saying "uh, we're gonna rebuild for a few more years," they went out and traded the third overall pick in S13's draft for two guys who will be Opening Day starters for the ML squad this season.  Are they going to set the world on fire?  No, but they'll win more games than last season, and they'll do it with a below average payroll, which means they're staying competitive while still building for the future.  It's a novel concept.

Offense: C+

Pitching: B

Fielding: C+

Prediction: 85 wins, 3rd in the division

Boston Massacre: Very fitting name, considering recent days events.  Hey look, tommy is back.  And much like domi, kscott has gone the way of the dodo bird.  And much like the dodo bird, it will take a couple of centuries before anyone cares that they are gone.  What?  Too soon?  Anywho, after several seasons of hardcore tanking, kscott brought that franchise to some national prominence by winning the division in S12 and then the whole kit and kaboodle during the playoffs.  He followed that up with a 105 win division title in S13, and then.....hey, look, more hardcore tanking.  Or did he go MIA?  I can't remember, the seasons and owners all run together.  So now tommy comes in to try and fix this mess, and he starts out well by signing a couple of reasonably priced vets in Mota and Pall.  He trades away Spahn and his contract for nothing (am I the only one who vetoed that deal?  You're all a bunch of pussies), while trading away some prospects for more ML talent.  Sabathia and Stuart were very nice additions, which quickly give Boston a pitching staff to be worried about.  There are still some pieces here from that WS winning squad.....maybe they can get their shit together.

Offense: B

Pitching: B+

Fielding: B+

Prediction: 88 wins, 2nd in the division

Balteemore Turpins: You know your division is in bad shape when you can lose 90+ games in four consecutive seasons and not finish last in the division during any of those seasons.  And it really says something about the entire world when a 94 loss team only has the 8th pick in the draft.  But we're not here to talk about the past, and we're certainly not here to talk about the AL.  Now I love Mr Gargle, but this is baffling to me.  Jose Latos is traded to El Paso for Willie Arias.  Jose cost Baltimore $5M in the IFA market a few seasons ago, and he then killed it in the minors for two years before batting .300+ for the Terps last season.  Willie is a 10th round draft pick who has appeared in 96 minor league games over the course of five seasons, for a 4.14 career ERA.  Willie then isn't protected and gets picked up via the R5D by New Britain.  Jose is making the league minimum and still has some room to grow.  Huh?  There are some hot slam pieces down in the minors, but they won't help Bawlmer this season. 

Offense: C

Pitching: C

Fielding: C+

Prediction: 70 wins, last in the division

Battle of The Rachels!

happy now?

I actually know this chick, kinda sorta

The Best Season EVER

More than 3/4 of the way done with Season 14, it makes absolutely no sense to put together this list, but I'm going to do it anyway.  Why?  Because I can.  Actually, this idea came to me this morning for some reason.  You know that you have hit rock bottom when you randomly start thinking of blog columns to do for your fake baseball world.  We might have done this already, I'm not entirely sure.  But this is my version.

Position by position, who has had the best single season in the history of this world?  And I'm not just talking about who hit the most HR's at a certain position (although, that is certainly a factor), but who had one season that was head and shoulders above every other season that everyone else has played at that position.  The hard part is figuring out what position each guy really plays.  Not everyone in this world has always played players at the positions that their ratings are appropriate for.  If you had a CF with a range of 75 back in S8, and he hit 100 HR's, should I not put him in the CF category?  So when I'm looking for the best season ever, I'm taking fielding into account also.  And did I probably miss someone in this list?  Oh I'm sure of it. 

Some guys who were in the running, but didn't quite make it:  Michael Washington, Geronimo Cruz, Robb Smith, Ricardo Belliard, Ellis Hernandez, Alejandro Lee, Stuart Reid, Roosevelt Brower, Hunter Bryant, Dick Iorg, Lorenzo Crespo, Ivan Santos, Alex Avila, Willie Strickland, Flash Bass, Dizzy Allen, Benny Mercado, Alex Cubillan, Justin Taylor, Tori Wagner, Karim Ayala, Rocky Baxter.

Now on to the list.

Catcher -

Julius Neal Portland Stoudemire's Age: 31 B/T: R/R Born: Brooklyn, NY Position(s): C View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  In Season 11, Neal was amazing for Jacksonville.  Catchers that can play a full 162 games are pretty rare.  Catchers who can play that full season, and hit at a .336 clip are even more rare.  Catchers who can do all of that while hitting 62 HR's and driving in 142 runs....they win the MVP award, which is what he did that season.  Drafted #2 overall in the first ever draft of this world, we knew Neal would be a super star someday, and he hit 57 bombs in his first ML season, but S11 was his best of his career, and the best of any catcher ever in this world.  (Yes yes yes, I know Washington hit 70 HR's and drove in 157 runs in only 146 games in S6, but that was in Colorado.  Do it at sea level, and then come talk to me.)  What's fascinating is how halfway through the following season, Neal was traded to Milwaukee. 

1B -

Albert Cairo Albuquerque Sandias Age: 35 B/T: R/R Born: Bani, DO Position(s): 1B/OF/DH View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  Firstbase is always a tough position for these kinds of lists, because everyone has a 1B who has hit 50 HR's and driven in 150 runs.  My initial list was over a dozen guys, before I narrowed it down to Cairo, Ryan, and Belliard.  But how can you pass on Cairo's Season 5 in Santa Fe, when he joined the 70/70 club with 74 HR's and 71 SB's?  Throw in 188 RBI's, 166 runs scored, an OPS of 1.096, and 0 errors in 1214 putouts, and you have the best season ever for a 1B.  An MVP award, an All-Star appearance, and a Silver Slugger award capped off his season, along with 101 wins for the team, the most in franchise history.  He makes my cock hard.  That's not gay, is it?

2B -

Rick Halama none none Age: 39 B/T: R/R Born: San Bernardino, CA Position(s): 1B View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  I went back and forth on this one quite a few times.  I wanted to throw out the first couple of seasons of this world, because a lot of the numbers were a bit inflated, but....they are still numbers.  And Halama had some great ones (especially for a 2B) in the first season of this world.  48 HR's and 192 RBI's are the kinds of power numbers that you expect from a 1B or LF.  154 runs scored from the cleanup slot, along with a 1.179 OPS, and 66(!!) doubles, Halama couldn't be stopped that year.  But he didn't win the MVP.  That's how fucked up the numbers were that season, Belliard and his 74 HR's won the MVP for the AL.  Halama was more than solid defensively that year as well, fielding 2B at a .985 clip, better than his career average at the position. 

3B -

Aaron Spahn Durham Bulls Age: 33 B/T: R/R Born: Florence, CO Position(s): RF/CIF/2B/OF/DH View Hardball Dynasty Profile

You can't have any sort of list in this world without having Spahn pop up somewhere in it (unless it's a list of the most heterosexual players ever), and his Season 6 performance in pitcher-friendly San Diego gets him on this list.  A fairly pedestrian 35 HR's and 120 RBI's, coupled with 94 runs, 37 SB's, and only 8 errors all season earned him a spot on the All-Star team.  Let me come back to this one spot on this list in a few weeks, and I'll put Daryl Hawksworth's Season 14 down as the best season ever by a 3B.  But for now, it's Spahn and his dildo.

SS -

Domingo DeRojas none none Age: 38 B/T: R/R Born: Eldorado Culican, MX Position(s): RF/C/IF/OF View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  I bet you forgot about DeRojas, didn't you?  Three 40+ HR seasons in the first four years of this world, he was a force to be reckoned with.  Season 4 was arguably his best, as he banged out 42 HR's and 105 RBI's, while scoring 104 times and stealing 27 bases.  His glove was an 85 that year, but his fielding was less than stellar, which may explain why he didn't make the All-Star team.  No Silver Slugger award either, because HBD is stupid sometimes.

LF -

Delino Ryan El Paso Mancos Age: 32 B/T: L/L Born: Charlotte, NC Position(s): 1B/DH View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  Now we could argue all day as to whether Ryan and his 38 range and 44 glove should have been playing LF back in S6, but he only committed 2 errors for Oakland that summer, and only had 3 negative plays.  Not too shabby.  Better than seasons 9 and 10 in Indy, where he logged 262 games in LF and had 51 negative plays.  Ouch.  At the plate in S6 he jacked 69 HR's and drove in 186 runs, while crossing the plate 134 times himself.  An OPS of 1.051 (best of his career) and a nearly 1:1 BB:SO ratio (only topped by his S4 and approached by his S10), he won the MVP that year after making the All-Star team and earning the Silver Slugger as well. 

CF -

Lance Morris Jackson Generals Age: 31 B/T: R/R Born: Spencerville, OH Position(s): 2B/CIF/OF/DH View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  I went back and forth on this one for a while.  Morris vs Bass vs Strickland.  Similar power numbers, similar speed, similar defensive numbers, etc.  Eventually I had to go with Morris' Season 5 output.  47 HR's, 129 RBI's, 35 SB's, 122 runs, and a career high 1.041 OPS.  On top of that, he was competent out in CF.  A .983 fielding percentage, he only had 7 errors all year, and only 1 negative play to his 7 plus plays.  It earned him the rookie of the year award, along with an All-Star appearance and a Silver Slugger award. 

RF -

Rob Dickerson none none Age: 39 B/T: L/L Born: Waverly, IL Position(s): 1B View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  If we go all the way back to Season 2, you'll find another of "those seasons" that will probably never happen again.  66 bombs and 179 RBI's for Dickerson, combined with a mind-blowing 1.193 OPS and 146 runs scored, he also fielded RF at a .995 clip with just 1 error all season.  An MVP, All-Star, and Silver Slugger awards all capped off his season, not to mention 110 wins, which is still a franchise record. 

DH -

Daniel Yerkes none none Age: 36 B/T: L/R Born: East Meadow, NY Position(s): C/1B/DH View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  You remember Yerkes, right?  Me neither.  But way back in Season 1, he hit 57 HR's and drove in 141 runs, with a 1.103 OPS and more walks than SO's.  He made the All-Star team and won the Silver Slugger award, and was an absolute menace for Cleveland. 

SP -

Dummy Wayne Chicago Black Holes Age: 34 B/T: L/L Born: Surrey, BC Position(s): P (SP3) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  I know, I know, you all think your SP's are the best.  There was that one season when your one guy won X games and had an awesome ERA, and nobody noticed because your offense wasn't that great, and blah blah blah.  Dummy's numbers in Season 12 trump whatever your idiot pitchers have ever done.  Period.  27 wins, a 2.82 ERA, 7 complete games, a whopping 283 innings pitched, and a better than 3:1 SO:BB ratio, as he notched 281 SO's.  Talking about DH's made me soft, but looking at Dummy's numbers are making me turgid yet again.  Obviously, he had the Cy Young and an All-Star appearance that year.  I didn't name any pitchers in the "almost got there" category at the top, because nobody else was really in the running.

Closer -

Timo Cornelius Vancouver Coastals Age: 29 B/T: R/R Born: Milwaukee, WI Position(s): P (ClA) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

  Back in Season 9, Timo appeared in 56 games.  55 of those were save opportunities.  51 of those became saves.  He gave up only 7 earned runs in just shy of 55 innings of work, for a 1.15 ERA.  An OAV of .161, WHIP of 0.93, and 53 strikeouts, he was the Rookie of the Year, Fireman of the Year, and earned a spot on the All-Star team.  His 51 saves are tied for second on the all-time list of Most Saves in a Season.

There you go, pricks.  Don't say I've never done anything for you.  If you want to yell and scream about how great your guy is and how he should have been on the list.  Nobody is listening, but go ahead and scream.

Killing Time on Friday

My boss gave me a task this morning.  I nodded my head and said "sure, no problem."  He sent me an email with the contract he wanted me to look at, and I had no clue what it was he wanted me to do.  About a half hour later I sent him a file with some numbers and some info in it.  An hour after that he walks into my office with a big smile on his face and says "thanks for catching that $10K travel expense, we would have needed to swallow that otherwise."  It's a drop in the bucket, but $10K is still $10K.  So after pulling some bullshit out of my ass, I saved the company $10K, and I think I've earned myself some free time this afternoon.  I deserve it. 

Mrs njohnson78 and I bought a condo last month.  I wasn't a huge fan of the place when we first checked it out, but she kept bringing it up over and over again.  Eventually we got it for about $30K less than our original offer.  Yes, you read that right.  It's a long story, and not very exciting, but we got a fairly reasonable deal on the place.  Now it's not exactly in the ghetto of Arlington, VA, but it's not exactly in the upscale area where we had been renting an apartment for the last five years.  It's sort of on the border between a really nice area where they are selling one bedroom condo's for $300K, and the ghetto where every store sign is written in Spanish and the average apartment houses a family of ten.  Our new place is also on the bottom floor.  Our "backyard" is a 5'x7' patio, and the only thing between us and the outside world is a sliding glass door.  Do I think something bad will happen?  No.  Do I think something bad could happen?  Sure. 

So yesterday I finally pulled the trigger (partial pun intended) and bought a Mossberg 500 12ga pump action shotgun.  I kind of wanted an over/under, but the wife said that if I was getting a shotgun, she wanted a pump.  And if someone does break in, do I really only want two shots before I have to reload?  But so I was drinking with a buddy of mine last night, and he looked at me like I had two heads when I said I had bought a gun.  Now we have 32 owners in this world, and I'm fairly sure we have a pretty wide variety of Americans (along with those dirty canucks), so I wanted to post a poll and see if we have the same gun viewpoints as the general population.

Actual HBD talk?  Fine, if I must.  I've been avoiding this all season, but I think I finally need to admit I might have been wrong.  I know, it's shocking.  Both that I was wrong, and I'm admitting it.  El Paso may have spent the offseason shitting their pants, but they currently have more wins than anyone else in the NL.  I know, I know, usually my predictions go exactly as.....predicted.  Shit.  Thank god Baltimore and Jacksonville are sucking it up.  Rochester is doing better than predicted, but they won't make the playoffs, which makes me feel a little better.  My predictions of Helena and St Louis winning their divisions is looking pretty solid, although I said they would get the first round byes, and right now El Paso (!?!?!) and Albuquerque (not surprising) are in line for the #1 and #2 slots.  Jackson, Boise, and New Orleans are in the running for the wild card, which I kinda sorta predicted.  If the playoffs started today, Helena would get Boise, while St Louis would get Jackson.  And when I say "get them," I mean they really get them, hard and from behind.  No lube, and no easing it in.  Sergei, are you hard yet? 

In other news, if Buck Cain doesn't win another MVP award, I'm calling shenanigans.  I know Babe Quinlan thinks he's the next Buck, but he can lick it.  It?  Yeah, it.  And I know Shane McKnight is at the top of the Cy Young list right now, but if we vote a closer for Cy, then the terrorists win.  J.C. Stewart is going to win the Silver Slugger award for pitchers this year.  Why?  Because he's batting fucking .326 and probably has more RBI's than your SS does.  Was it publicly announced that Alejandro Lee got injured?  That poor bastard.  After so many seasons playing for shitty Hartford, he had a cup of coffee in Cincy where he probably thought it was heaven, and then he gets traded to the Durham powerhouse for a slightly longer cup of coffee, and then Houston gives him a monster contract.  When all is said and done, he'll have made about $175M when this contract runs out at the end of S18.  He'll be in his mid-30's, probably still in the low- to mid-80's overall, and he'll get another four or five year deal at $10M/yr.  Where was I going with this?  Oh yeah, he finally found a good team.  Houston is 77-55 right now and having the best season since S4-7, back when they used to go to the playoffs.  And he's hurt.  Is he going to be the best player in this world to never win a World Series?  And is there any doubt that Albert Cairo will go down as the best player ever in this world, period?  6 MVP's, 2 WS rings, 12-time All-Star, and a bunch of GG and SS awards.  700 HR's is right in front of him.  900 SB's is a long-shot, but a possibility.  Should reach 2000 runs in the next few days.  If he doesn't reach 2500 hits this year, it'll be next year.  Such a stud.  OK, that's all I've got.

Battle of the Olivias

Munn:

Wilde:

Portman vs Hathaway

Alba vs Kunis

NL S14 Preview: East & South are a penis wrinkle

Ten games into the season, and the East has a team on pace for 162 losses, while the South has a team on pace for 145 losses.  Small sample size, I know.  But when I think of the East and the South, I think of this:

Baltimore is on the left.  Rochester/Hartford is in the green.  Jacksonville is in the leopard print.  El Paso is in the pink.  That's right, El Paso is the hot one.  Of those four franchises, Rochester is the only one who made any substantial noise in the free agency market, with one Type A and two Type B signings.  Jacksonville signed Kent Rivera about five seasons too late, but at least they did something.  Despite having protected first round picks, Baltimore and El Paso both spent the offseason shitting their pants, and wondering how much money they can throw into the IFA market.  It's fairly safe to assume that all four of these squads will be safely in the top 12 come draft time next year.

Who will be out of the playoff hunt by the all-star break?  Well one could argue that New Britain should be in the same category as those first four fatties, so clearly the best they can hope for is this section.  I actually feel bad for Cincy, Anaheim, and Iowa City, because those three deserve better than being group with the Rock Cats.  But I'm sure Lucy Lui didn't like being grouped with Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels, so not everyone can get what they want.  Cincy made some noise by signing Aguilera, but every other signing from this group was Type B players, and most of them were pretty shitty.  Seriously, who the fuck is William Iwazaki?  These guys all tried to make a few improvements, but it won't get them anywhere.

Who is hoping to make the playoffs, but will come up short?  The fighting Sandias from Albuquerque are dying a slow death already.  I would post a picture of my bullpen, but some of you might be eating, and I don't want to show you what came up when I googled "festering genital wart."  Your reigning world series champs from Colorado, god bless them and their $100M budget, but they can't do it two years in a row.  If you google "disappointment chick" this is one of the first 25 or so that comes up, and I'm okay with that:

New Orleans played .500 ball last year, which earned them the division win, and they'll improve a bit this year too, but they'll have to settle for a wild card.  Wait, a team from the South is going to finish above .500 and not win the division?  Get the fuck out of here.  Your other wild card will be.....shit, I dunno.  Either St Louis or Durham.  The two of them together have spent more on payroll than Baltimore, Rochester, El Paso and Jacksonville combined.  Maybe that's why those four are in the fat girls club.  I like the St Louis defense more, so let's put Durham here as the other wild card.  Not a horrible place to be. 

Your division winners then will be the dipshits who are left over.  We've got Helena in the North, the aforementioned St Louis in the East, the doomed-to-exit-early Jackson in the South, and this year's version of Colorado, Boise from the West.  St Louis and Helena will get the first round byes, while Jackson gets brutally raped by Durham, and Boise/New Orleans try to figure out why they're in the playoffs.  At that point, I'll probably stop paying attention.  But I'm sure everyone involved will be having fun. 

Good luck assholes.

The Season 14 AL Preview!

Hi folks, welcome to the 14th Edition of BPF. It's been a very busy offseason with loads of deals and FA signings as teams try to shore up holes. Speaking of holes, I was with this chick last night...oh, nevermind. Things might get even tighter in the AL, though I haven't started looking at teams yet, so I could be wishing pie in the sky. Hmm, pie. That reminds of this one chick...ah, forget about it, not important. Let's welcome new comers kevmax, adreid, and m22pank, wondering what you got yourselves into, yet? So without further ado let`s get on with it. The record in brackets is last years prediction, just FYI.


AL WEST

Honolulu Harpoon
S13: 90-72 (84-78), 2ND
When your top two starters are Long and Greenberg, you should feel pretty good about your team. It`s also $45 mil tied up in two players for this season, which is larger than a few entire teams. Some pretty good fielders along with the pitching should make Honolulu one of the tougher teams to score on. The offense might see some struggles with Ontiveros and Nathan being the highlights, but will be hard to whiff by and large. Might see some NL style ball being played in the Aloha State. Once again, the harpoon will be in contention to spear a wildcard spot, but then again this is the first team that I`ve looked at (I don`t do any advance comparisions, I just go with it). 6 straight second place finishes, 5 straight 90+ win seasons, that`s consistent management.
Defense: B
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 88-74




Salt Lake City Warriors
78-84 (52-110), 3rd
Well, there`s some egg on my face which often happens when I flip omelettes and a little still liquid egg splashes up, sullying my ruddy complexion, but I digress. Wow, the team I previewed wound up being a different team by seasons end. The defense, specifically range, is eye-popping. In fact this is a fast team overall, with a bit off pop in the line-up, but will be around middle of the pack in terms of average. Still short on pitching, but what`s there isn`t top of the heap. Lots of payroll room left to sign a FA or two but there are no all stars still available.
Defense: B+
Offense:C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 70-92



Scottsdale Storm
97-65 (81-81), 1st
Another team that well over shot my prediction. Won`t make that mistake again. This a talent laden club, loaded with stars. The line-up will destroy southpaws and give righties explosive diarrhea with an enviable combination of speed and power. The defense ain`t much to write about so I won`t. Fuck, just ate toast and now my keyboard is covered in butter and jam. Oh well. Excellent rotation anchored by McMillon who I miss tremendously.
Defense: C+
Offense: A-
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 100-62




Vancouver Coastals
64-98 (88-74), 4th
Didn`t think my team was going to be so awful, but Laroche forgot how to hit, and the trades may have had a detrimental effect on player morale, except this all bullshit, and in reality, I just over valued my team. Amazingly, Laroche is back, though I saved about 10 mil by decling the option and then re-signing on the cheap. In some worlds this could still be .500 team, but in BPF, this team might get crushed. Some FA signings to stem the tide, but the season will be long and arduous.
Defense: B
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 72-90



AL SOUTH

Houston Colt 45s
79-83 (90-72), 2ND
Wow, has this team gone on Extreme Makeover, HBD Edition. Stacked line-up, great gloves, good rotation, excellent bullpen. Fully expect the recently, and costly to acquire, Perez to rebound after hitting 30-40 pts below his ratings last season. the addition of Alejandro Lee should make the opposition pitchers poop a little at the prospect of facing this squad. A pretty dynamite team altogether, good work joe.
Defense: B+
Offense: A
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 100-62




Florida Fire
75-87 (96-66), 3rd
Collins and Torres sucked last year, flat out. Seems this world sees a lot of crappy seasons from stud players. May not be the case, but sure seems that way. Then again, this world is pitching heavy. Still, seems ratings for hitters in this world are less than firm and more an average in a range. Wilkerson had a monster season, but ol Flash Bass was just above sucking as well. Pitching is an area of concern with no real star. The offense will be this team`s donkey, for sure.
Defense: B
Offense: A-
Pitching:C+
Prediction: 82-80



Richmond Informers
91-71 (84-78)/ 1st
Greenberg is gone, and so is any chance at the division title. Even with Chuck sent packing, pitching is still this team's strength, which is kind of a testament to the mediocrity of the offense. When Tavarez is your star player, a hard road lies ahead. Searching "Richmond+girls" didn't yield much of any worth, so I then went with "Virginia+girls" and did much better. I'm assuming it's Richmond, Virginia. I could do the research I s'pose, but as my Dad always used to say "fuck you".
Defense: B
Offense: C
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 65-97




Memphis Dead Elvi
65-97 (62-100)/4th
The Mishap on the Mississippi continues, as sergei looks to clean house, fully and completely. I'm noticing how many teams have very strong defenses in the AL, never seen anything like it before. The offense on this team seems to be caught in atrap, it can't walk out. They can't seem to stand on their own two feet, the fans will be down on the end of lonely street, at Heartbreak Hotel. And sho nuff, the pitching ain't caught a rabbit, and it ain't no friend of mine. Or sergei's. Actually you could describe the pitching as opposition friendly.
Defense: B-
Offense: C-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 62-100



AL NORTH

Fargo Fainting Goats
71-91 (72-90), 3rd
Hmm, according to Deivi Johnson's history expect a shitty year from him. I'm starting to believe players are built with patterns. Some players always (always!) alternate productive and crappy seasons. Maybe I'll be proven wrong, but somehow doubt it. A line-up boasting contact and speed with just enough power. The pitching, however, ain't boot-shaking, and will be a challenge for the offense to carry.
Defense: B-
Offense: B+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 70-92



Montreal Maroons
100-62 (96-66), 1st
At 30 mil + Montreal has one of it's highest payroll's yet. This player revolving door franchise has probably had almost every player play for it at some point in their pre-arbitration eligible careers or so it seems. Still, winning consistently while keeping the payroll down is purty darn impressive. This is a very, very good team with balance across the board. Like my old Vancouver team, tends to crumble come playoff time, but so far looks to be the class of the AL. Really improved defensively and the pitching is puke inducing.
Defense: A-
Offense: A
Pitching: A
Prediction: 110-52




Milwaukee Ueckers
93-69 (100-62), 2nd
It's funny to have the two biggest prospect extractor's in the same division. Seriously, it seems like every good prospect winds up in either Milwaukee or Montreal, sometimes both. I consider the Ueck/Maroon rivalry BPF's best. The Maroons have held the advantage the past couple seasons and it looks like the gap has widened. While still a very good team, the pitching seems to have fallen back slightly, and losing Perez doesn't help the offense, though he stunk the joint out in the regular season. Like almost every team in the AL the defense is very good to excellent.
Defense: A+
Offense: B-
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 94-68





Portland Stoudemire's
69-93 (84-78), 4th
Is it Portland Maine or Portland Oregon? And why do two states have prominent Portlands, Salems, and maybe others. Fuck, did they the coasts were mirror images? I dunno. Let's say it's Portland, Maineregon. I grossly over estimated this squad last season. Still kind of shocked by the poor performance, the team isn't that bad. Being a domi team, the defense ain't much, especially considering most of the AL is stacked in that department. hitting will be team's strength, but pitching is worrisome. So far the AL is made up of haves and have-nots, and this team will be in not category, once again. Maybe the Stoudemires (he played in Oregon didn't he (Amare or Damon), I dunno) will overachieve. Maybe.
Defense: C+
Offense: B-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 72-90



AL EAST

Chicago Black Holes
102-60(100-62)/1st
What's with all this "Chicagoland" crap I'm hearing all the time now? What, good ol' fashioned Chicago needed just one more syllable. Wherever that came from it can go back to. Looks like last year's AL champ will be hard pressed to repeat that title. Maybe it's just other teams have improved so much, but The Holes don't look as impressive this season. Don't get me wrong, still a tough squad, but I don't see the swagger.
Defense: C+
Offense: B+
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 95-67



New York Yankees
63-99 (n/a)/4th
For the first time in a few seasons, there's actually a full roster to evaluate! Huzzah! Team sucks! Boo! So far we're 0-2 in terms of AL East defense skills. Poor Geronimo Cruz, who, despite great stats and awards, is hard to deal, probably, because he's only 73 overall. As the current owner of Cruz you probably feel he is worth more than you've been offered. Probably true. While at least this season, there's enough pitching, it ain't good. At all. Same for offense. Should finish last in the AL.
defense: C
Offense: C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 59-103



Wichita Prairie Dogs
81-81(84-78)/2nd
The only AL team with a new owner this season. I wondered how long HAWKEYE was going to stick it out. Despite my dropping hints every preview, the guy loaded up on pretty high overall players, that were only rated highly because of health and stamina. The skill ratings were never impressive, so this team was the posterchild of mediocrity season after season. Seems to be what kevmax is facing here. Not great anywhere, not terrible anywhere, once some contracts are no longer on the books, there will be room to improve. BTW, what the fuck is Wichita doing in the East? Kansas is on the wrong side of the Missouri to be even close to the East. That's some bullshit there.
Defense: C+
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 80-82




Syracuse Street Walkers
96-66 (70-92)/2ndNot even going to bother. The pattern has been up and down, but I keep missing the cycle. I could go with the pattern, but I just can't get a read of this franchise apparently.
Defense: C+
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: Ok, ok...ummmm...let's see...70-92, again.



Well that's all for now. When I get my advance up next season I'll get back into prospect reports. Hopefully NJ will do the NL preview. His have a more foulmouthed crankiness to them. Hopefully you like your team photos. Good luck all.