That Kate Upton, she's quite a girl

Current All BPF Team

Here is what I consider to be the best players by position currently in BPF. Sad that several of my players were in the top 3 position-wise, including the Chief. In the end, with some decisions really easy (Rosado), some were tougher (2B and CF especially).

Catcher:

Hardball Dynasty's

Joel Yearwood

1B

Hardball Dynasty's

Alfredo Jarvis

2B

Hardball Dynasty's

Jolbert Santana

3B

Hardball Dynasty's

Lance Foster

SS

Hardball Dynasty's

Max Andino

LF

Hardball Dynasty's

Pep Choo

CF
This one was a bit tough. Hawksworth, over in Scottsdale, should have this spot based solely on offense and awards. I looked at defense though, and a team needs a lead-off hitter, so behold:

Hardball Dynasty's

Eugenio Sojo

RF

Hardball Dynasty's

Buck Cain

DH

Hardball Dynasty's

Wascar Rosado

RSP

Hardball Dynasty's

Robert Slaughter

LSP

Hardball Dynasty's

Curtis McMillon If this was my team, they'd still get swept in the playoffs.

The NL, Viva La Balancia!

Well fuck me with a pineapple and call me Wendy.

here's the abbreviated predictions, since I lost all my fucking work.

The picture theme was a goole search for Halloween Hotties

NL North

Helena 85-77
Iowa City 72-90
New Britain 62-100
Cincy  55-107

NL East

Bawlmer  92-70
St Lou  86-76
Rochester  82-80
Boston  77-85

NL South 

Jacksonville  95-67
Atlanta 92-70
Jackson  78-84
Tampa  72-90

NL West 

Albykerky  94-68
Anaheim  84-78
Colorado  79-83
Arizona 76-86

Sorry, but I just don't have the time to re-write my dazzling literary and HBD forecasting genius. Not sure what the fuck happened, but that's two years in a row this has happened. NJ you win this seasons battle of the previews. And may our daughters never appear on some jerks fantasy baseball blog dressed up as sluts. We can only hope.

The AL can blow me

I mean, hi, welcome baseball fans.  BPF is now 19, and you know what that means.  It means we're now one year less hot than before.  We'll be even less hot when we're 20.  Then there will be a short spike when we hit 21 and can drink legally at the bars (yes Canada, I know, I know, fuck off).  Then we'll start getting fat at 22 and he'll move on to another 18-year-old.  It's the way of the world. 

Two 100 game winners in the AL North last year, with a third that was just four games behind that mark.  Montreal and Milwaukee will probably repeat those performances again this year, they are both stacked.  Montreal has maybe the best pitching staff in all of BPF, and while Milwaukee doesn't have a bunch of slackers on the mound, it's their offense that will carry them.  Minnesota did it last year with smoke and mirrors, I have no clue how they won 96 games, and I just can't see them doing that again, unless they can spend their whole season playing the AL East (I'll get to you 'tards in a minute).  I think their secret is having a bunch of average to slightly above average players, but nobody who really sucks.  And then there's Fargo; maybe the highest paid sub .500 team in all of BPF.  Predictions: Montreal and Milwaukee fight for the top spot and each crack 100 wins again, Minnesota comes back down to earth and plays .500 ball all year, and Fargo approaches 100 losses again to round out the division.

If you can play .500 ball, then you can win the AL East.  Hey alogman, you're playing with a bunch of morons/tankers, you don't need to spend $100M to win your division.  I kid because I love.  Or do I?  Chicago will win this division again, they have some really good pieces in all parts of the field, and should do a lot better than last year.  Then.....fuck, I dunno.  Philly moved to Cleveland, and Columbus moved to Syracuse, and both are spending a fair amount of money.  Maybe they can both stay out of the 100 loss category?  Louisville has an outside chance at staying out of that category as well, but I think they'll finish at the bottom, with Cleveland and Syracuse banging around for the 2nd and 3rd place spots, but neither will be in the hunt for the wild card when you've got so many good teams in other divisions.

Down in the South, joe has very quietly built a solid franchise in Houston.  Does anyone remember them winning the WS in S16?  Me neither.  But they've been at 95+ wins each of the last five seasons, and will probably make it six this year.  Defense is a minor concern, but when you've got pitching like they have, maybe nobody has to catch the ball.  Did you know the homo's have been above .500 each of the last two seasons?  I know, crazy, right?  sergei has been throwing money at the problem, and it seems to be working.  Lots of defense, lots of hitting, and some not-so-shitty pitching, they're looking at yet another season about .500 and in the playoff hunt.  Florida has some studs and should be better than they are.  Did we ever establish why ghutton left in the first place?  Did I ask this last season too?  He tanked for three seasons, went to the WS in S15, then was gone after S17 and 96 wins.  Weird.  Anyway, good defense and great hitting, with some above average pitching, Florida should be in the hunt for a wild card spot too.  I think everyone is in the hunt for the WC.  Well, not Richmond.  They suck.  One or two stud pitchers, one or two stud hitters, but then a big drop-off.  The world needs ditch diggers, Danny.  Prediction: Houston, then a dog fight between KC and Florida, then about 20 games until you find Richmond.

Wait.  SLC has 5 guys who are 80 or more for their overall, and his payroll is only $28M?  I call shenanigans.  I need to get back into the IFA market.  After 95 wins last year, they should be looking at 100 wins this year.  Maybe.  Unless Scottsdale wins 120.  Maybe the best set of gloves in all of baseball, and they aren't pussies either, they've got some stud hitters and a great pitching staff too.  The swings in team quality in the AL are pretty staggering.  Either you're gonna win 100 games, or lose 100 games, but there aren't many in the middle.  Because then you've got Vancouver, who has great defense and hitting, and the pitching staff is really solid, I'm just not sure how many innings cam will get out of them.  Gonna need lots of innings from the bullpen.  And then there's a team in Honolulu, but.....unless you can win 100 games in the AL, nobody cares about you.  Prediction: Scottsdale, then SLC, then 'Couver, then Honolulu. 

So we'll see Montreal and Scottsdale get the bye's in the first round, with Houston and Chicago winning the other two divisions, and then Milwaukee and SLC/Vancouver being the Wild Cards. 

Go Nats

September Fails

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/26/best-fails-of-september-2012_n_1916091.html?ncid=txtlnkushpmg00000035

An Interview With The Chief

There are some mornings when Vancouver Coastals owner and GM, camden68, starts the day with the remains of last night's 26er of some retrograde rocket fuel and a jolly game of Russian Roulette. Lately Heinie Cormier has Mr. 68 putting an extra round in the chamber. No luck so far. So The BPF Gazette-Chronicle-Herald-Times-Star-Post-Patch-Shopper sat down with the player Coastal fans have dubbed "Chief RunningJoke". Other monikers dropped on "Chief" have included "The Sultan Of Suck", "TheUnnatural", and, perhaps most cruelly, "Useless Fucking Piece of Shit"

BPFGCHTSPPS: Thanks for sitting down with us Heinie. First off, just why do you suck so bad?

HEINIE: My name is a euphemism for ass. I like the sound of my bat creating an out. I suck.

BPFGCHTSPPS: Have you ever thought about not being a worthless piece of shit?

HEINIE: No, never.

BPFGCHTSPPS: Vancouver fans realize you aren't MVP material but they believe you should be better than a .220 hitter, do you agree with them.

HEINIE: Obviously not. I think it takes a lot of courage to hit 60 points below your ratings. Plus the owner/GM is the worst owner in HBD. They way reigny can squeeze 50-55 wins out of nothing, and camden can barely scratch .500 witha stacked ML roster proves it. Look at his playoff record. He used to make playoffs after playoffs with 110 win teams, but has made a grand total of one World Series. Usually he never wins a playoff game. his team's just quit on him. For instance, look at this guy from his old team in Gehrig:

Royce Tannehill Rochester Red Royal North Stars Age: 31 B/T: R/R Born: Dubois, WY Position(s): P (SP3) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

.

Check out his playoff stats compared to his regular season stats. That's all camden68. Nobody likes playing for him. I think it's because he's as clueless as I am.

BPFGCHTSPPS: That's a pretty serious charge because you are simply awful.

HEINIE: Like attracts like, you reap what you sow, yaddayaddayadda. I want to play for an owner, any owner, that's not camden68. Maybe I will start playing to my ratings, but until then I will continue to approach the plate fully secure in the knowledge I'm the next out. I like to call myself Mr. 0-4. Nothing is more satisfying than a weak grounder back to the pitcher. A pop foul to first also feels pretty good.

BPFGCHTSPPS: Well Heinie, you really are a worthless piece of shit. Thanks for your honesty and good luck sucking the rest of the way.

HEINIE:You're welcome.

yeah

girl from my gym

Katia Callegari is her name. Get this, she's 16.

Zoey Alexandra at Three Months

My kid is cuter than all yours put together, deal with it.

NL Preview Pt 1

ff

So there's a few NL themed chicks for ya, now let's get down to brass tacks. This will be a different style of review than my previous season's diatribes and woeful predictions (last season I predicted Iowa with a 72-90 record, they went 97-65. Did I mention I've not a WS title to my username? I've always thought higher ratings were better, but am slowly learning that's not always the case). I'm just going to give a rambling essay, full of  factual, logical, grammatical and spellingal errors, for your mild annoyance...er...pleasure. I'll throw in a picture of a chick now and then. I'll go by division, so that puts the NL North at bat.

Was I wrong about the Iowa Iowa City Corn-ish Hens or what? Fuck me, where did that division title come from? An amazing 31 win improvement from season 16. Nice work hshack. Gotta say, this world has had some mighty impressive team turnarounds. So how'd they do it? I dunno, not the greatest splits amongst the pitching staff. No big power threat in the line-up, and not exactly the most prodigious set of gloves in the field. They'll go 150-12. Next up the former powerhouse Helena Homies and the fading Dizzy Allen. The Homies should be giving Iowa more of a challenge for the division title, though i don't for see a return to the 100 win plateau of seasons previous. Stuart Taylor is the big man in Montana, but not a lot of sluggers after him. mostly a contact type line-up. Allen is fading but not quite incontinent, nor completely useless with the bat. Pitching appears to be the team's strength, at least in terms of splits. control is good, but not great, and there's not a lot of fielding depth. So those are the NL North's two contenders for the title, next we have the two teams that most definitely won't challenge for the crown. battling hard for the first pick in the Season 19 amateur draft will be the Cincinnati Red Thumpers and the New Britain Rock Cats. One team is safe from the 40/60 rule, the other is in serious danger. The new Britain franchise has lost 517 games the past five seasons and only seems to be getting worse. Pitching is simply awful. The line-up is much stronger versus lefties, but isn't as horrid as the hurler collective. Will finish close to the bottom in team fielding. If there's a bigger lock for the first pick next season, I will slit my fucking wrists in sorrow. Cincy caused a bit of a ruckus last season. Hopefully those issues are a thing of the past. Still, no hope of the post season for the Thumpers, Not much pitching and the offense seems to be where BPF stars go to die. See Aaron Spahn and Flash Bass. Ashes to ashes and crap to crap.

Predicted finishes:
Helena
Iowa city
Cincy
New Britain

Ok, let's take a tour of the NL East. They say chicks dig the long ball but I've never fucked a chick that expressed sexual interest in home runs, so I think that might fall under hyperbole. Too bad because the Boston Massacre could get some fantasy poontang with the power in it's line up. $112 million payroll may not be enough to reach the playoffs, but will make the price per win very inner-restin, as you Americans pronounce it.  Let's welcome olemiss3 and his Rochester Rebels. I'm assuming olemiss attended OleMiss. Anyhoo, I'd be soo-prised to see Rochester win the division, but the East is, arguably says the South, the NL's tightest division, so anything is possible. That's the best thing about the NL, it's really competitive and almost every team has a playoff shot. The Rebels are good, but not great, squad. Next, let's all look at St. Louis Oxbows. Holy fuck, a  $130 mil payroll! This team better win the division and make the playoffs. Almost every player makes a million plus. Good batting line-up, decent pitching, and a not horrid defense should net 90 wins, but what do I know? Lots actually. I'm pretty good at Jeopardy. Last up, the Baltimore Terrapins. Wow, does Bip Bigbie suck. Bawlmer should see further improvement. Best defense I've seen in the NL, so far. No uberstuds but solid line-up, strong against southpaws. Pitching is over-powering velocity-wise, but ain't much to write home about aside from bullpen hero Jerry Perez.

St Lou
Bawlmer
Rochester
Boston


That's it for now, I'll leave you hanging with Bar Rafaeli

And a video of a chimp raping a frog:

Ok, I'm back to do the NL South. Jacksonville Jimmies are up first. It appears bnags went to school on the old mira model. $16 mil payroll with loads of young talent. Didn't even take several seasons of 100+ losses to get to this point, not a bad job o' GMing there 'nags. The centrepiece of the team is uber talented firstbagger Malik Nathan, a sexy, sexy hitter. Solid, not fantastic D backs up a pretty good assemblage of hurlers. Though there's one guy with serious control issues. Also a speedy team. Could be one of the NL's best teams. I'm looking at Atlanta Bullochs, and I spy a SS by the name of Delmon Patterson and i see maybe the best defensive shortie in BPF. I look at his hitting ratings and i think, not so great, wonder how he stacks against my guy Heinie Cormier. In 250 or so more at-bats, Patterson has a slightly higher batting average, and very close in OBP. Doesn't have the power, but does his defence make him a more valuable player than Cormier? That's my bitch about Cormier out of the way (off to a hot start yet again, that's right .200). Seriously though what the fuck is Bulloch and why won't bluegray respond to joepat? No superstars but a big power line-up, and solid pitching. Will be in the playoff mix for sure, and in the Anything Is Possible NL, could win the division out right. New Orleans Posse is owned by dennisdee. dennis has been with us since season 5. I don't ever recall a post from him on the chatboard. Very quiet man. They often the say the quietest guy in the room is usually the smartest. But his silence hasn't translated to much success.A perennial .500 team, should see somewhere in that area again, this season. Some good pitching, but a very middle of the road team. But, again, this is the wild and world Senior Circuit, this team could win a 100 games. They won't, but they could. Let's just say the Jackson Generals can hit. They can really hit, and hit it hard. they can pitch too. What they won't do is get to many balls, and the ones they get to, they will promptly drop them. Must be testing a theory on HBD and fielding, will be interesting to watch. When David Canseco is, by far, your best glove man, you may have an issue. They might be best just putting empty gloves at every position, and save their energy for hitting, this is a team of DHs.

Jacksonville
Atlanta
Jackson
N'awlins

Tomorrow, I'll finish. In the meantime: Chicks!

OK, finally the NL West. Colorado Swingers are off to a purty good start after a forgettable Season 17. Worried about the pitching in the thin air of fantasy Denver, but the fielders boast some serious range. Offense is strong, and will be amplified at home, but so will the visiting line-up. At least the pitchers are more ground ball types. Hey look! It's the Albuquerque Sandias, otherwise known as the Buck Cainaanites. I got a question, what in unholy fuck are Eugenio Arias, and Enrique Cornejo doing on a ML roster. If the Sandias win a playoff series with those two on the roster and my Coastals never made a World Series, I'm going full sniper from the highest point in Halifax. Albakerky has the best defense in the NL that I've seen so far, solid offense, with the best hitter in BPF, but some questionable ML arms. Innings eaters I guess, but yeeesh, that's some crap. The Boise Freedom Fries need a shortstop to replace the empty Doritos Cool Ranch bag currently tending the position. No, seriously. Vin Arias is the pitching staff stud, but beyond him this is a wholly unremarkable team. Will compete every night, in this NL though. And the last team for me to totally misread is the Anaheim River Rats  and their speed based brand of small ball. Again a non-remarkable team aside from the fleet footed line-up. Decent defense, hitting and pitching, but I don't think enough of any of the three to challenge for a wildcard spot. The NL West is totally up for grabs but here's my prediction for year end standings:

Albakerky
Anaheim
Boise
Colorado

So that's my travesty of a season preview over. I don't proff read i just type and go so if there are (if?!) mistakes, fuck you, deal with it. And now, in the spirit of summer, assorted chicks on boats!

And one for Kansas City