The Magical Season 20 NL Preview! With Tits!

Well ladyboys, welcome to season 20, where I will finally, finally, win the World Series. Ah-hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. But seriously, this could be the year. Of course it's not. Never will be. But could be. Maybe. So a new feature to BPF  this season is the first ever annual award for outstanding achievement in the field of excellence, or Owner of the Year, and the $25 buck GC that goes with it. So far Louisville's jubalado might have the inside track with the rather dramatic reshaping of his steaming pile baseball doo-doo. Apparently you can polish turds. Who knew?

NL NORTH

Well hello New Britain. You are the Rock Cats. As an aficionado of both cats and rock, I enjoy this team’s name. Season 19 saw the halt of five straight 100 loss seasons for this franchise. Will New Britain see it’s first winning record since season 11. In a word: No. Two minor free agency adds, and a couple players who might be ready in AAA, still sees a roster short on players. Pitching is a concern, and the lack of superior defenders will be a portent for a troubled season. Unlikely to match the 79 wins of last year. Best thing about this team is the chick in the picture.

Have I used that picture before? Seems familiar, but then there's not much in the way of results to a google search of "new britain hotties".

Have a seat Iowa City. If we were in KC I would offer to push your stool in. After an excruciating cluster of fuck, hshack dropped back in like Seal Team 6, and reclaimed his rightful team.  This franchise is an absolute model of a BPF National League squad. Up, down, only one outlier season of 100 losses, but otherwise 72-97 wins in hshack’s 13 seasons here. Way to busy, and lazy to do the math but it’s very likely that his combined seasons record in BPF is .500. Offense isn’t Murderer’s Row. More like Jaywalkerer’s Juggernaut. A couple nice v/R splits but kind of meh beyond that. Pitching isn’t horrible. Sabathia and Johnstone had their options picked up, and one addition to the hurlers in Duffy. But there might be an issue with depth and innings. Defense looks solid, though.  

Hey, hey hey, it’s Cincy-nati! What can you say about this team? My mother used to say "if you haven’t got anything nice to say, make sure everyone can hear it". Well maybe she actually never said that, but she did practice it. While avoiding 100 loss seasons for two years, 90 isn’t much of an improvement. A return to 100 land might be on the horizon. Some ML ready or near-ready prospects, though not an abundance of help on the way, in the system. Once again, the Red Thumpers operate under a low payroll. Hopefully this team can win 60 games. Doesn’t look good. Defense=not good. Offense=better than defense but below average. Pitching="Nothing to see here, folks. Just keep moving".

New York, the City That Never Sleeps.  And, a line-up that won’t strike out much. Home runs will be a rare occurrence, rmullon will learn how much the engine digs the longball. The hard way. Defense won’t be much help to a slightly below average staff. Pretty active off season. Many waiver claims. Some free agents signings and a picked up contract. Should start shedding payroll, not a great team for 103 million. Maybe that's why anders split the scene. Be patient, rmullon.

Prediction: Iowa 84-78, New York 70-92, New Britain 66-96, Cincy 62-100.


NL EAST   

Ever notice how if a team is in Scranton, the team name is almost always a reference to The Office? Oh, it’s true. For a time this was a pretty formidable Senior Circuit squad. Until last season, that is. Bit of a crumble job. New owner to BPF and HBD, goodone has stepped in and made some decent bargain FA signings. Team looks like it should rebound from 71 wins, though won’t see the 90+ win days of yore.  More like 80, give or take (mostly take).  Not especially great in any category. Offense might be the team strength. Payroll is in good shape, so there is some wiggle room to retool in upcoming seasons.

Trading ribs for deep dish pizza, jstnklly has up and moved his team from St. Louis to Chicago, for some reason.  Jstn has done a damn fine job of maintaining the world’s highest payroll, season after season, and always being in the playoff mix. Loses some FAs, signs some FAs. It’s like a production line to 85-95 wins. Enrique Alvarez and Grover Maxwell, among others, have been brought in this season. Not sure if this is a World Series squad, but there is a fairly decent line-up and some good fielders to bolster the just slightly to not above average pitching staff.  I don’t really like deep dish pizza. I like a crisp thin crust, good garlicky herby tomato sauce, fresh bocconcini, really, really good pepperoni, and grated parmesan and olive oil drizzled over.  Crust should have some char to it.

Oh...oops. Here we go...

Oh man, it’s fug-pugly in Boston. Fug-pugly.  This would be a dominant AAA squad, maybe even a champ contender. As it stands now, this might be the team that picks first next season. The pitchers will give up a lot of walks, but the fielders will be kept busy as well. Fortunately, the fielders are solid. Can’t say the same for the line-up. Wallace Forrest provides the only moderate power threat.  I believe we are in the midst of an honest, and ethical rebuild in Beantown. Five picks in the first 65, no FA signed that would cost a pick, a fairly high payroll for the talent level, and 20 mil in college scouting. More of a high school guy, myself (ahhh, clumsy, teenage handjobs).  Anyhoodle, this won’t be pretty in Boston in season 20, but steps are being taken for future success. At least there's this:

And what does rootgargle (nee:tsufugazi) have in store for season 20? Baltimore sure has been in an up and down cycle the last few years.  By far the strongest team I’ve peeked at, so far.  Solid in all categories, as Bawlmer is reaping the benefits of many seasons lost in the woods. Pajamajeans.  This is a pretty young team. No FA signings, but ol’ root was active in the rule 5, and has promoted a bunch of prospects. Arbitration hearings pushed the payroll to almost 60 mil. One of BPF’s best shortstops in Darrel Bonds and a line-up built around Jose Mercado will put some runs on the board. The pitching is pretty good, too. All in all, the future season 20 NL East champ.

Prediction: Baltimore 94-68, Chicago 86-76, Scranton 77-85, Boston 64-98

Taking a break for the rest of the day, be back at it later tonight. 

Last season keithjs stepped in and took a long suffering franchise to a team high in wins with 85 in Tampa Bay. Excellent work.  I expect basically the same performance in season 20. A very middle of the NL road squad. No real superstars, but enough to be competitive every game. Wasn’t much of a FA class, especially for position players, and Tampa’s signings were proof.  With this world’s NL Tampa could be in the wildcard hunt, but will probably fall a few games short.

It looks like there could be a sizable turnaround in fortunes, in Jackson, this season. Last season was an unmitigated disaster with fatigue woes at the start of the season that proved persistent and enduring. Now a much improved team. I count 13 free agent signings. That’s a lot. Defence, which used to be non-existent on this team, is now upgraded to marginal. There’s bats, but a little shy on power. Pitching is much, much improved. Oh so very much better. Congratulations and thanks playboy. Jackson will also be in the wildcard mix. And that’d be the tits.

I have been advised that there will be call ups a coming in Atlanta. As it stands now, this is a very good team. Another owner, in bluegreyjay, needing  to be commended for being able to keep the system stocked while remaining at least competitive, if not a contender. A rare NL team in that it features a true ace in Davy Coleman, an MVP candidate in Joel Harvey, and this world’s version of Ozzie Smith in Delmon Patterson. A solid roster in every category, though perhaps short on innings, but with call-ups to come I'ma sure that'll be remedied.

 
 

How the fuck do you do it? This budgeting strategy of keeping your ML payroll ridiculously low season after season, while remaining competitive. Jacksonville looks even better this season. Like Atlanta solid in all aspects, though a tad less power than the aforementioned Bullochs.  And there’s a couple hitters who you look at and say “shitty about that 40something v/R split”. At least I do, but then I’ve won jacksquat. But there’s Sherm Riley and Brandon Forster to carry the load. My lord does Forster have similar hitter ratings to my Matt Lunsford. Lunsford only dreams of hitting .350. There’s also a very nice rotation, and the starters are assigned exactly as I would assign them. So you might want to rethink that, bnags.  The NL South is deep this season.

Prediction: Atlanta 94-68, Jacksonville 91-71, Jackson 85-77, Tampa Bay 81-81

NL WEST

Don't think Coors has a dramatic affect on hitting, check out Louie Barcelo.  Exceeded his career high in hits by 56 (202 to 146), homeruns by 13 (38 to 25), hit over .300 for the first time. Career highs in OBP, exceeded a .500 slg percentage for the first time. Colorado is like a major buttload of the Clear. Can't wait to see what Ryan McAnaney does in the thin air. He and Erubiel Soriano are like those two guys in Jacksonville. Higher v/R splits and these guys would be hawwwwt, oh my. bbwinks demonstrates brains by ensuring his pitchers have high groundball ratings. That's the high point of the staff. It's not deep, and the team Achilles. Great defense up the middle will help, though.

No team in the NL can match the hitting trio of Davey Torres, Buck Cain, and Lance Foster that forms the black, shrivelled heart of Albuquerque’s line up. Beyond those three, it ain’t quite so intimidating. Did you know the Sandias have finished first or second in the division for ten straight seasons? It’s true, tell everyone you know. Good control on the pitching staff, but not sure if there’s depth in quality. Not saying it’s a terrible crew, it’s about average to a fraction above. Good defense will help the cause. Brought back for another kick at the can were Alex Pizarro, and the nearly extinct Tim Collins. We are starting to see the end of many storied BPF stars. Sad. We are all going to die.

Now to the Mickey Mouse franchise in Anaheim. It’s not really Mickey Mouse at all. I was just making a reference to the location of Disneyworld in Anaheim. Mickey Mouse is kind of the mascot of everything Disney. I’m not making this up, it’s true! So far I haven’t seen a definite 100 win team in the Senior Circuit. This is a classic BPF NL team. Good, but not great. Anaheim could finish with under 80 wins, or just top 90. Most likely the record will fall somewhere in the middle. Will it land a wildcard spot? What am I? The Amazing Kreskin (look him up). Pitching is a concern, at least I’m concerned. Line-up is solid enough to keep the Rats in the game. Wow the West is really up for grabs.

And, finally, we have a happy ending with San Francisco. Welcome rocketcy to BPF. I'm going to break it to you honestly and gently. The Barking Seals are not going to win the West. A classic San Fran team, decent to very good pitching and defense. Not much offense. Just a little more pop than New York. Should be some fairly low scoring games Bayside. Need to start shaving payroll in the upcoming seasons, and start looking a few seasons down the road. But it does win the award for best pose:

Prediction: Albuquerque 87-75, Colorado 86-76, Anaheim 85-77, San Francisco 76-86

 Still got that gas, maybe it's the creatine I've just started taking. Anyways. That's it. The last two season previews that I lost were much better, but didn't have the girls. One day, I'll bat a thousand.

AL Season 20 - Part Dos

AL South - aka, Joe's Division

102 wins and a WS championship, Houston is doing okay these days.  But with $130M wrapped up in salaries, I guess they'd better be doing okay.  When you're the WS champs, you don't need to make too many changes, but they still went out and signed another bat to help their offense.  Not that the offense needed any help.  The defense is where they could have maybe used another glove or two, but whatever, the pitching is what gets it done for them.  Six guys won 10+ games last year, and of their five regular starters, only one had an ERA above 3.70 for the year.  Blah blah blah, WS champs, blah blah blah, compensating for something, blah blah blah.

radical takes over a Montgomery team that didn't have to move far in the winter, coming from Florida.  A big budget and a couple of trades have them in a spot where they're hoping to compete for a wild-card slot.  Ten games back of that WC slot last year, they've got some ground to make up, but they've got a shot if their pitching can keep up.  Defense and offense are there.  The pitching just makes me a little nervous.......

Slowly ramping up payroll the last couple of years, Richmond is hoping to crack that magical .500 mark and fight for a WC spot as well.  But not everyone can get in.  And call me crazy, but I think the Informers are going to come up a bit short.  That in-division trade with Montgomery definitely benefited the Barons ML roster more than the Informers.  No big FA signings either.  If you're not moving forward.......

faggots for sale, faggots for sale, everyone come buy a faggot!  KC made some trades this winter to help with the future, and then some interesting Type B signings to keep the ML squad chugging away.  Chugging jizz.  Decent fielding and hitting, I think pitching will be their Achilles heel this season.  But as usual, I don't know shit about shit. 

Prediction: Houston wins 162 games, Montgomery and Richmond and KC all tie for 75 wins each.

AL West

100 wins and an early departure from the playoffs, suck it Scottsdale!!  I mean, wait, what?  Clearly I don't mean that.  No trades or big FA signings, but they did pick up some Type A and B draft pick slots.  Use them well.  Basically the same team as last year, which isn't really a bad thing.  Good defense, good offense, above average pitching.  Can they hold on for another division title?

Salt Lake City right now is Montreal from five or six years ago.  Low payroll, lots of wins, high overall ratings......I can't wait until those guys are all up for arb and FA, and your payroll is $100M kemo!!  I'm not angry today, I swear.  Great fielding, above average hitting, but only average to slightly above average pitching, that might be what dooms this team in S20. 

No playoffs since S12.  That's a long drought for Vancouver.  One decent FA signing, no big trades, fairly quiet in the Great White North this winter.  All joking about jinxes and WIS curses aside, this team should be deep in the playoffs every year.  Balls deep.  Defense, hitting, pitching, tits, they've got it all.  I think this might be the year.  Only one game out of the wild card last year......

Nearly 100 losses last season, there's only one direction that Honolulu can go, right?  Right?!?  A few decent pieces came in via trade this winter, and despite not doing much in free agency, I think the Lepers finally took a step forward.  But they're in a tough division.  The only forward moving they will do is up the draft position for next season, because they're still going to be 4th in the division.  Baby steps. 

Prediction: Scottsdale gets 95 wins, Vancouver gets 92 wins, SLC gets 85 wins, Honolulu gets 75 wins and a pick at the upper end of the top 10, instead of a top 5 spot.

AL Season 20 - Part 1

AL North - I am desperately trying to think of something funny to say in this post.  I'm striking out right now, so just stay with me, it might get funny between now and the end.  Fingers crossed.

Milwaukee won 100 games again last season, their 8th season hitting that number since FG took over in S7.  One WS win and two more appearances during that time would be something any owner would hang their hat on, but the Uecker's haven't been to the WS since way back in S12, and have had early departures from the playoffs each of the last two seasons.  I know, I know, we all feel really sorry for FG and his trouble in the playoffs the last two years, and how twice in his tenure here he has missed the playoffs.  I'm not sure if he missed out on some FA's or didn't quite pull off the trades he wanted, but he's sitting on about $20M in cap space right now, and with zero in international scouting, that money needs to get spent at some point.  He cut some salary with a big trade, then took on a minimal amount of salary with another deal, so that contributed to his space.  Still some stud defense backing up his stud pitchers, and not exactly slackers at the plate.  But still look for him to offer up a bunch of "I'll give you a pile of average if you give me a stud" trades once we get about 40 games in, and certain owners start giving up. 

Montreal won yet another 100+ games last season too, their sixth in eight years.  On behalf of the rest of the world, I'd like to say "fuck the AL North."  OK, there, I said it, it's out there.  Like Milwaukee, Montreal didn't make too many moves this winter.  One trade, a couple of small-time FA signings, and that was about it.  I like to think that if you're not moving forward, then you're moving backwards.  But when you're spending $100M and your team is already stacked, you don't need to make many moves.  The defense is more than solid, the hitting is great.....the only place they might run into trouble is the rotation.  Unless mira is going to run a four-man rotation, or bring up Kris Price after spring training, he doesn't have enough starters for a traditional HBD rotation.  Should be interesting.

Minnesota wishes they played in the East.  Minnesota's AAA team wishes they played in the AL East.  The big issue with the ML roster is that.....well, they have to compete with Montreal and Milwaukee.  They're adequate on defense, have a few decent hitters who can get the job done, and a slightly above average pitching staff.  But the depth just isn't there.  Like most teams, they are one injury away from being a sub .500 squad. 

Murphy was sleeping on budget day, and Fargo got stuck with the same numbers as last year.  That didn't stop them from bringing in some bullpen help via a trade and maybe the best Type B signing ever.  Defensively, they are adequate at best.  At the plate, they can do a fair amount of damage, but nobody is really shying away from them.  The aforementioned bullpen is better than last year, and the starters aren't bad either, this might be the highlight of the team this season.  They might get out of the basement this year and jump over Minnesota for that third spot.

Prediction: Montreal with 105 wins, Milwaukee with 99 wins, Fargo with 75 wins, Minnesota with 74 wins.

The AL East, ahhhhh the AL East.  I think I've figured it out.  Chicago was so dominant for so long, everyone else got used to being out of the playoffs.  Now that alogman is in rebuild mode (but is it really rebuild mode when you're spending $110M on salaries?), nobody else knows how to step up and really take over the division. 

bluenoser took a Syracuse team that had lost 100+ games in consecutive seasons, and managed to win the division last year.  The team should definitely win more games this year, especially when you look at the money they spent in the off-season.  $50M this year just for two FA's.  And then three trades kept blue quite busy as well.  I'm trying to be up-beat here, but.......I hated all of those moves.  I'm sure they'll all pan out, because I think last year I predicted this team to lose 162 games, but I really didn't like the trades, and spending half of the budget on two guys.  The defense needs help, the offense is average, they're going to rely on the pitching to win games this year.  I'm seeing a lot of 2-1 wins, followed by a fair number of 0-5 losses. 

Durham got more new ownership this season, hopefully this guy knows something, since the last few have really sucked.  I'm looking at you shirley and kev.  The squad has many shortcomings in the field, and doesn't have much at the plate other than Harang and Calles.  Pitching is what will help keep their heads above water, with Watkins, Santiago, and Cruz anchoring the rotation.  I would have liked to see some moves during the offseason to address some of the holes, especially with so much money available, but I guess they're going to transfer a ton and hope for a big time IFA. 

Seriously, alogman, what's going on in Chicago?  $110M for 90 losses last season?  No FA signings or big trades, means the squad is very similar to last year also.  The hitting is what gets it done for them, while they hope the SP's can keep it close until the stellar bullpen can get in and close the door.  Should be an interesting season in Chicago.  If they can't get back on top of the division, I see alogman slashing salary and starting from scratch.

And again, seriously, jubs, what the fuck is going on in Louisville?  100+ losses in three consecutive years, I feel like you almost have to try to lose that many games.  A couple of trades and FA signings later, along with a smart Rule 5 pickup, and this squad is suddenly poised for a run at the division title.  Defensively they are solid, offensively they can get the job done, and while the pitching staff isn't going to win any awards, they should be deep enough to keep the team in most games.  Just like that, they went 100 game loser to potential division winner. 

Prediction: Louisville with 80 wins, Syracuse with 75 wins, Chicago with 70 wins, Durham with 60 wins.

Bar Refaeli vs Kate Upton

Bar

Kate

The winner will get her own google images search copy and paste spread on the BPF blog. And, possibly (I promise nothing), a highly fictionalized, 100% untrue account of something that never happened involving myself, the said winner, and couple of marital aids.

Unintentionally sexual retro ads

The little girl is being mouth raped by a sadistic boy, using a chiquita banana? You can almost see her tears. She should have cried, because it's the tears that get you caught.

Seasonal, and Marginal, Fun!

Winter Beer is Here

It was 70 degrees over the weekend here in the Mid-Atlantic, but then yesterday it was 40 degrees, and today it is nearly freezing, so I think I can officially start talking about winter beers; what I'm drinking, and what you should be drinking.  If you regularly attend AA meetings, then please move on, nothing to see here.  And this is not just the typical Sam Adams winter lager, or Sierra Nevada's winter brew, but stuff you might need to dig around for if you want a sip of it.

Dogfish Head Namaste: Belgian style witbier, one of the "cheaper" beers on this list, it goes down very smoothly, but one bottle is pretty much enough for one sitting.

Sierra Nevada Brux: Yes, SN is a big brewery and I just made fun of them at the top of this post, but this is not your typical mass-produced winter beer.  And it's not just SN, they brewed this with another group, Russian River Brewing.  Very dry, very spicy, this is not a "I'm going to drink this whole thing in one sitting" beer.  And it actually fits into the category of "I'm going to keep this beer on my shelf for a year and open it later."

Allagash Hugh Malone: Allagash did a big series of beers here, but this one is my favorite of the lot.  Belgian IPA, I'm a sucker for Belgian style beers, and IPA's, so it was two thumbs up from me as soon as I opened the bottle.  Although this year's Fluxus is a close second.

North Coast Old Rasputin: If you can get your hands on a bottle of this, get two, and then send me one.  I have yet to find this on a shelf anywhere.  A buddy of mine had a bottle that we dove into two weeks ago, and it was phenomenal.  Since then I've been looking for it, but have not yet found a store that carries it.  It's dark, it's thick, just the way sergei likes his men.

Boulevard Bourbon Barrel Quad: Again, good luck finding it.  You might need to actually travel to Missouri where it's brewed.  I had a bottle at a restaurant in Tennessee (you're the only ten I see) a couple of weekends ago, and they said their supply was running out quickly.  I know they had it at my local favorite beer store at some point, but now there's just a big link saying "click here if you want to know when we will have this in stock again."  Fuckers.

Delirium Noel: It's strong and dark, in the same vein as their Nocturnum that you might be familiar with, but a bit stronger, and harder to find since it's only around for a couple of months.  What's kinda cool is you can get it in a big bottle, or you can actually get a 6-pack of it.

Kasteel Rouge: Last, but not least, the gayest beer of the group so far.  Very fruity, but you'll fucking love it.  Big bottle, but you will sit down and drink the whole thing if you're not careful. 

It's Tuesday! Time for Titties!