Season 23 NL Preview, Unassailable and Vicious

Screw the preamble, let's just do this bitch...bareback.

NL West

Arizona Outlaws (NL) bbwinksdaddy View Hardball Dynasty Profile

With all the Hispanic players having shown their proof of citizenship or work visas to the Sheriff Joe, the Outlaws are ready to steal some wins, kill some teams, and cause general extra-legal mayhem. This is a strong defensive squad, ample in fielding skills and abilities. While not the most patient group of hitters, there is some power throughout the order, and enough contact and splits to generate a few runs. Pitchers are high control/velocity types, and should be successful, along with the defense, at run prevention. There is definite playoff potential to this squad. A team on the rise, fo sho.

Oklahoma City Victory Dolls (NL) njohnson78 View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Though aging, Buck Cain can still get it done at the plate. One of BPFs top three all time hitters, he is coming off the worst year of his career. A truly awful season, but if he'd played for me, would have been just an average year. Should break the 2000 RBI mark this season and is a couple seasons away from 3000 hits. Lance Foster, on the other hand, is in the prime of his career. Beyond those two in the line-up there's not much to get excited about. Runs might be hard to come by, unless Foster and Cain can hit .450 apiece. can they? No. Pitching appears to be the strength in Okey Dokey City, but defense definitely isn't. I'm not seeing a fourth consecutive division title in this team, or even a second place finish. It has been a remarkable run for this franchise since season 10, having never finished worse than second, with three World Series appearances and one victory, dolls.

Las Vegas Corn Dogs (NL) buffalo_rob View Hardball Dynasty Profile

You know, I've never had a corndog. They just don't tickle me fancy none. Never had Cheez Whiz, either, just looks wrong. And I am an award winning, world class chef (though, admittedly, now basically a breakfast chef, but once upon a time...). Plus, there's no graceful, non-fellatio appearing way to consume one of those fried, tubular abominations. Evidence:

Anyhoo, back to matters at hand. buffalo_rob is a newcomer to BPF, so let's give him our usual warm reception and courtesy reach around in the showe. Thanks for joining our group of puerile miscreants, you have no idea what you've got yourself into, or maybe you have by now, I dunno. After stonewalter bailed, reducing his active team count to a paltry 34 (way to go sergei, how dare you mention he's in one of your worlds on the forums, which, according to ol' stoney, was tantamount to running his life (I shit you not, he said that to me), proving sensitivity and thin skin are detrimental to being in BPF). This has been the definition of the .500, also-ran team the past couple seasons, and looks to be more of the same this year. Ivan Barcelo and Midre Brandt are a formidable one-two punch in the rotation but it falls off dramatically after that. As long as opposing hitters hit ground balls to short, the Corn Dogs will do well in run prevention. Beyond shortstop, the defense is not stellar, to put it mildly. Offense could be an issue as well. Not horrible, but not great.

San Francisco Barking Seals (NL) rocketcy View Hardball Dynasty Profile

For three seasons now, rocketcy has managed this squad beyond my expectations. Very strong defensively, speedy on the basepaths, and patient at the plate. Little power in the line-up so this team will have to rely on 80s Cardinals style small ball. Pitching is the heart and soul of this team, strong splits, man. If the line-up can generate 2.48393546789211478 runs per game, this team could win 100 games on defense and pitching alone. Definitely a team built for it's ballpark. rocketcy knows what he's doing.

Probable order of finish:
Arizona 92-70
San Fran 88-74
OKC 85-77
Vegas, baby 80-82


NL South

Jacksonville Jimmies (NL) bnags View Hardball Dynasty Profile

A season removed from breaking the NL record for team wins (I think), and winning the World Series and the OotY, bnags is flush with credits and cash. AS compared to the hitters, pitching might seem a little off, but holy smokes the hitters. Goodness gracious, this is a potent order, runs a gogo. Should win 100+ easily, again, really not much to say. Just a very, very good team, and still a low payroll.

Jackson Generals (NL) playboy33 View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Oh lord. Johnny and Roseanne are reconsidering going to Jackson, because, for the past few seasons, it has not, in fact, been hotter than pepper sprout. Praying that 48 wins is the absolute bottom for this team and we can get through a season without dead pitchers. But with, currently, nine pitchers, that appears, sadly, unlikely. Not sure why this has to be. There's no power in the line-up and defense is lacking. This was once a proud franchise, and now is the stain on BPF's tighty whiteys.

 'Nuff said.

Atlanta Bullochs (NL) bluegreyjay View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Formerly the powerhouse of the south, Atlanta now takes a back seat, if not rides in the trunk, to Jacksonville. Joel Harvey continues to mystify with his inability to hit for average, it's like he's on my team, but is a huge power threat, and could easily be an MVP if he could get his shit together. There's actually three huge power bats in Silva, Twitchell, and the aforementioned Harvey. Pitching isn't especially deep, maybe a notch below J-ville's. The fielders are good where they have to be. All in all, a solid Wildcard team, that in many other divisions in BPF would be the champ.

Tampa Bay Grays (NL) keithjs View Hardball Dynasty Profile

With a $39 million payroll, and only nine, not very good pitchers and little offense, this team might be challenging the 40/60 rule. Defense is good, but with this collection of hurlers, the fielders will be very busy. They will get to a lot of balls, but not all, and there will be a lot put in play. Offense won't generate a lot of runs. Jackson could have a challenge for the bottom.

Jacksonville 108-54
Atlanta  93-69
Tampa Bay 64-98
Jackson 51-111

NL East

Rochester Mountain Dwellers (NL) bobkordecki View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Welcome back bobk. Not sure what you've got yourself into with this team. With more power this would be a monster offense, hopefully the speed in the order can generate enough runs to compensate. Defense is solid and so is the pitching. I see a definite improvement over the 81 wins registered, last season. I don't see a World Series, though. Could be in the wildcard mix, if everything goes Rochester's way.

Chicago Wet Bandits (NL) jstnklly View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Heinie "Chief Runningjoke" Cormier does exactly what I expected he would once he wasn't playing for me anymore. MVP. Fucking MfuckingVfuckingP. And he continues to improve at age 29. If I had him still he would have remained a .250/25 HR guy. You're welcome jstn. On the other hand my team's record has improved since I dealt his pantywaist arse. The focus of this offense is contact and power, and good results should come. Defense is good, but not outstanding. Pitching will be stronger against righties, and isn't at the same level as the offense. This franchise hasn't finished worse than second in the division since season 8, which is a pretty impressive run.

San Juan Giants (NL) coachbug View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Wow, that's a surprisingly strong offense you got there mr. coachbug. This team will be in the top 5 of  NL run production. Deep in all hitting categories. Pitching will be fairly stingy with the ol' bases on balls, but is kind of light in terms of splits. Enough defense to save some of the pitcher's asses. San Juan should see a huge improvement in fortunes this season, and so far, coachbug looks like he has the best shot at this season's OotY.

Boston Brewers (NL) m22pank View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Lending this world real life credibility, we have m22pank, an actual baseball mind. He should be doing the previews, I'm a chef, what the fuck do I know about actual team management, prospect development, or skills training. I can barely get my cooks to hold a knife by the handle, instead of the blade. Idiots. This squad is only three seasons removed from a World Series title, under rootgargle's management. Let's see if m22 can bring back the glory. Unfortunately, there is but one power bat, and it's not a big power bat, more like 25-30 homers. The pitching is good, though, and so are the fielders, so we could see some classic National League small ball. It's good to have both m22 and root back, so no matter what, we are all winners.

Chicago 93-69
Boston 84-78
San Juan 82-80
Rochester 76-86


NL North

Sioux Falls Canaries (NL) jibe View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Hmmm, hard times in Sioux Falls. Not a super-duper squad by any means, and solidly in reconstruction mode. Defense and offense outclass the pitching, but then, so do I. Really strong in the field at shortstop, that's about the best I can say for this team. Will hit a couple dingers and swipe a couple bags, but not enough to come close to winning more than they lose. Hoping for a good draft, this season and next. Eventually this team will roll, I know it's in jibe's wheelhouse.

Wichita Jack Straws (NL) dhomard View Hardball Dynasty Profile

dhomard continues to impress, increasing the Straws win totals in each of his three seasons. If this world was Dora the Explorer, this team would be Swiper. Swiper, no swiping! Man I hate that irritating little c*nt. My kid loves Bubble Guppies and I love the Octonauts, but I digress. What I was getting at is that this is a line-up blessed with speed (bendecido con la velocidad). Not a ton of power bats, or even a half ton, to threaten opposing pitchers with. Defense at short is very solid, as seems to be the case with many NL teams, but not overly flashy at the other positions. Good pitching, though. Very good. Muy bueno. I see another season of improvement ahead, and this is a team that could be dangerous come playoff time, with an opportunistic hot streak.

Iowa City Corn-ish Hens (NL) hshack View Hardball Dynasty Profile

A team best described as remarkably unremarkable. Weakish defensively, except in centerfield. Did I say weakish defensively? I did? Good. Offense, Limited power and prone to strikeouts, but fairly good splits. Some sprinters, but not built for speed. Pitching ranges from lights out closer Christopher Garcia to ridiculously hittable Nap Dougherty, get what I'm saying.

New Britain Rock Cats (NL) macwetherbee View Hardball Dynasty Profile

Hmm, seems macwetherbee is foregoing the whole concept of fielding, this season. That should be interesting. Also boasts a line-up of Mark Reynolds and Adam Dunn types. In other words it'll be a lot of "there's a swing and a miss", quite a few "there's ball four", and a good amount of "there's a homerun". Will also see the odd base stolen, but really the splits for most of the hitters are AAA quality. Pitching will be stingy with walks, but again, splits aren't in the Pedro Martinez range. Still remember that sinking, horrific feeling I had when I watched Grady Little walking back to the dugout, with Pedro still on the mound, in that game in the 2003 ALCS. This will be team I will keep my eye on. We will see just how important defense, power, and splits each are. Good luck, son.


Wichita 94-68
Iowa City 73-89
New Britain 71-91
Sioux Falls 63-99



Well that's it. I honour of Rememberance Day (Canada) and Veteran's Day (USA-USA-USA), I present a tribute to the troops in true BPF fashion. Hotties in Camo: Enjoy, and good luck in the season ahead.

Introducing Emily Ratajkowski

Thank Butt it Friday

Halloween and Drunk College Girls, Together it's Magic!

Football's Back, Hooray!