How are they doing?

Big time FA signings, big time trades, and big time IFA's, how are they doing so far?

Joe Young -- After saving 121 games in three seasons for the Yankees, while picking up two WS rings, two all-star appearances and a FOY award, Little Joe decided to go out and see what he could get.  Trenton signed him to a 3-year deal worth just a hair under $22M.  Not a bad deal for a guy still in his prime, who throws heat, and can come out of the pen everyday.  In 14 games this season, he has 13 saves, 12 SO's, and not a single HR given up.  Maybe the most interesting stat: signing Young meant that Trenton had to give their 20th pick in the draft to NY, and that pick will be the first top 20 draft selection that NY has made since the inaugural season.  It will be interesting to see if the NY brass will remember to adjust their alarm clocks so they get to the draft early enough to make their pick.

Hunter Bryant -- Maybe the steal of the FA season, Hunter signed a 3-year deal for around $7M/season with St Louis.  But through 50+ games, he's not playing up to the level of this contract.  3 HR's, 19 RBI's, only 17 runs scored (!!), and an OPS of just .660, Hunter has his work cut out for him, if he doesn't want to get traded before the all-star break.  Defensively, he's been great out in RF.  So he's got that going for him.

Nate Laroche -- He's only getting $8.7M this season, but that quickly increases in future seasons.  $14M next season, and $18M each of the final three seasons on his deal.  Is he worth that kind of cash?  Well it wasn't too long ago that he was belting 50+ HR's per season.  He's lost some power lately, but is still very capable of 30-40 HR's, and so far is batting .301 with 11 bombs, 27 RBI's, and 25 runs scored in 39 games.  And he got his first stolen base of his career.  What kind of a tard catcher gives up a SB to that guy?

Gregory Jackson -- The price tag on this catcher made me stop for a minute, but I guess he ain't bad.  An OPS of .860, he's thrown out 1/5 of potential base stealers, and his pitchers have an ERA of 3.55, which ain't too shabby.

Albert Cairo -- I'll admit it, that contract makes me nervous.  I'll be paying him $20M when he's 35 years old.  Unless his power is still 90+ when we get to that point, in which case I can easily trade him to domi.  About a third of the way through the season, he's under-performing a bit.  Only hitting .234 with 17 HR's and 15 SB's, I haven't been able to figure out the best spot to play him.  I think I've had him at every position in the first four slots of the batting order.  But he'll come around.  HBD is all about numbers and ratings, right?  Right?!?

Tex Lombardi and Dan Hernandez -- A current stud for a future stud, it's amazing that Milwaukee could afford to trade TL for the prospect, and not lose any ground on the other AL squads.  So far TL is posting a 3.36 ERA for Trenton, with a 7-3 record, while Hernandez from Hoboken is sporting a 2.39 ERA and 2-3 record in 11 starts for the AA squad.  Who will eventually get the better end of this deal?  Probably Milwaukee.  He's a fucker.

Kent Rivera for Tom Richards and Louie Barcelo -- In the final year of his expensive contract, Kent goes to Helena, where he is playing out of his mind.  Batting .323 with a .908 OPS and 7 HR's with 40 RBI's, he's on pace for a career year.  Meanwhile, Richards is playing like shit for Seattle, and Barcelo is lighting it up at the HiA level.  If Rivera goes into the FA waters next season, and Barcelo turns into a stud, then Seattle gets the better end of this deal.

Aaron Spahn for Matty Iorg, Louis Cross, and Oscar Zhou -- Trenton was busy during the offseason, weren't they?  Iorg isn't playing up to his abilities so far, but Cross is doing well with 5 HR's and 25 RBI's, and Zhou is doing even better with 7 HR's and 25 RBI's and .829 for an OPS.  Meanwhile, Spahn has just 6 HR's and 21 RBI's and a .789 OPS.  But he's playing Gold Glove caliber at 3B, soooooo.......fuck.

Gerardo Callaspo -- Signed for $11.7M, this lefty SP looks like he should be very solid once he gets a few minor league seasons under his belt.  Scottsdale is doing a good job of babying him so far, keeping his pitch count low in the 80's.

Mark Cheung -- He isn't wowing anyone at the LoA level right now, but if his projections are near what I see, he is going to be a serious hitter when he gets to the ML.  And for only $8.6M, that ain't too bad.  My only real concern with him is his lack of ability to play everyday, and whether or not he can really play catcher.  Might be more of a DH type guy.

Pat Shibata -- Way overpaid, in my opinion.  $8.5M for a SP who I don't see ever really making to the ML level as anything other than a mopup guy, or maybe a LR guy for a bad team.  Playing in LoA right now, he's sporting a 4.34 ERA.  Ugh.

Alex Pujols -- If his glove turns out a little better than what I see, he's going to be a decent CF for just $7.2M.  Health, durability, and speed, with decent hitting numbers.  So far he's killing it at LoA, don't be surprised if you see him at HiA before the season is over.

OK, that's it, fuck you guys.

HBD musings, observations, and anecdotes by ME, Beloved Commish

*If you have multiple teams, when you check your first one and it lost, chances are all your other teams are going to lose as well.
*Your best hitters or pitchers will frequently and regularly be outperformed by much more mediocre players, in fact there tends to be a direct correlation between ratings and under/over performances.
*Some teams and players will always be underachievers, no matter what you do. A 70/90/70/70/80 hitter can easily be a career .275 career hitter in a hitters park, but your 50/60/60/60/50 hitter might easily be a .290 hitter in a pitchers park.
*The "320 ft shot to CF" in the home run derby, undermines any claim to logic in the sim.
*If your team starts hot, it will almost always collapse.
*The draft and IFA are not the best and fastest way to build. Most of the truely league killing franchises got that way through trade rapes/aliases. Draft and IFA are no guarantees and I have rarely seen a team add both a stud draft pick and international in the same year, year after year.
*Too many users take themselves way too seriously. Holy fuck we're playing imaginary baseball General Manager online, anonymously. Take pride in your teams but don't take it sooo goddamn seriously, relax.
*Since there is no "intangible" code (so claims admin), those seeking realism are tilting at windmills.
*If they do make the draft fuzzier or increase the chance of busts, then DITRs must have a better chance at becoming MLers, and in very rare cases, even studs.
*If results are truely ratings based and occur in a vacuum (as claimed by admin), then there's no way a 80/80/80 pitcher wouldn't get pounded by a 30/40/40/40/40 hitter, and vice versa. This observation is tied with the intangible code. There must be a luck or performance boost/dampen script in the code.
*I've long believed the delay before seasons start is when the engine "rolls the dice" and your team's season is pre-determined. You ever notice that if your team is struggling nothing will change that, not a huge trade, call-up, nothing.

I'll add more as I think of crap.

BPF'S OWNERS ILLUSTRATED, PART II, BY SERGEI91

surely you queebies in the nl didn't think you'd be safe from my onslaught. here's you people, same rules as the al:


statman527:

hard at work, enjoying his hbd experience like the rest of us




andersaa:




















what the frig, bro? put your shirt on before i draft you for kansas city.






hshack:



h and the wife, just before the camera crew from 'cribs' showed up. nice digs, homie.










bbmogul:








bb getting ready for what used to pass for fun back in the early 1900s, flying a kite. bonus points for the stylish bolo tie.








vector21:







if you look like a gold plated claudia schiffer, you're gonna be the most popular owner on wis. call me.








kscott2421:












how strange. i've never seen those without the strap. and so non-brown-stained as well. must be pre-usage.









rootgargle:




had to go with 'root gargle' on this one. look- it's devon and his blower's cramp! ragging on old dev never gets old, i swear







jstnklly:





looks like google wants you to be 'stinkfly'. if they redo the exorcist (again), you can try out for regan's part. mmmmmmmm...pea soup




playboy33:








kathy shower was hott. she's probably 64 now, but i'd still chuck it in her.














bluegreyjay:










you mean if i buy this shirt i can look like the bassist for metallica??? send me 2 dozen, stat!
had to go with 'blue grey jay' for the search.











dennisdee:


nice pj's. does anyone know how to cut a nancy boy out of a gif???





bnags:





winona ryder used to be hott. i should have her steal us some rubbers and a six pack of zima. good times, good times.


















tomhighway:

'bang! bang! that's how a gun works. that is all.'


njohnson78:




i think the real njohnson78 shows up on google search, so let's look here at willie johnson. man is a goddamn PIMP! even his name is ballin! his moms basically named him Penis Penis.




bbwinksdaddy:




'bbwinksdaddy' gets us nothing. 'bbwinks' gets us this dirty whore. me likey.






shynent:



that is one muscular dog. i bet the local chinese food restaurant could get 15-20 entrees out of it.







well, i'm off like devon's pants at a wis company picnic/orgyfest. more next time i have another marvelous blog idea.

BPF'S SCREENNAMES ILLUSTRATED, BY SERGEI91

since i'm more bored than a priest at a lezzie convention, i'm gonna whip up my first long blog entry for youze guys. i'll google everyone's screenname and see what comes up on the first page for pics. let's hope you guys don't use the same names when you troll for underage fellers online....


AL first

foolsgold79:

congrats, bro. you are totally a matthew mcconaghey handbag. keeps your tampons and bongs safe in style while you jog with your shirt off. daily.

21mira21:

you are a bunch of black and blue nhl pucks. since my fingers and toes only go up to 20, i can't tell if you're a full set. i'll just add my dong and skin rocks to em and say there's 23 of ya. way to be.

patterba:

call me a romantic, but this screams out 'sorry i fucked your sister/mom on our anniversary and then passed out'. you sneaky dog, you.

mb's bengals:

this was the most compelling pic other than all the tiger photos. this guy is saying to me 'guess where your toothbrush is right now'. and for the record, i'll just let him keep it.

hawkeyeone:

since most of the other entries were from porn sites, we have this one that looks like a mix of mario brothers and some game where a guy shoots a gun. i was hoping for some m*a*s*h pics, but i guess i lose.

domiisgod:

apparently google image search REALLY REALLY REALLY wants you to be 'demigod'. which is a video game. with very very large pics. i settled on this album cover? all i want to know is- what's up with your bellybutton???

alogman1:

holy shitballs. if this dood doesn't get ass when he's out at the bar, what hope is there for the rest of us??? don't forget to rub his belly for good luck.

devonjain:
shown: 2 nerdstroms. not shown: devon just underneath the viewfinder with his kneepads on. the guys are saying 'we don't even work for wis'. devon's reply, 'nom nom nom. need. another. title. slurp'.

p.s. this was actually a search of devon jain, because all the pics for devonjain were from his hbdblogs and lets face it, those are boring as shit.

jcarver67:

jcarver67 didn't get any hits. but jcarver 67 is the terminator of the al south.

sergei91:

is there any surprise this guy would be the owner of the Kansas City Faggots??? i thought not.

kemosabe11:

it's a broad giving a thumbs up. the female version of 'dead meat' from 'hot shots'.

mesapitfan:

nothing came up for 'mesapitfan' so i went with 'pitfan'. you'd gotta have some big stinky pits to need that fan.

camden68:

i shit you not, this pic comes up with his name. google it yourself if you don't believe me. dude- you said you were working out, but perhaps a haircut would be in order as well?

shiish:

they spelled your name wrong. sorry.

caseroc:

is this you, bro? i'm thinking taking the knit cap off might help you sweat less. just a thought.

griffey491:

the only non-ken griffey jr pic. rip, these 2.

well, that's it, cocks. it would have been better but some of your screennames are lacking. hope you enjoyed but if not, who cares? it was free anyway!

The AL so far (I don't really look at the NL, ewww)

Well still early, but many of my predictions are wonky. Milwaukee isn't doing as well as expected, the Yankee's fortunes have hit the shitter, The Faggots are forcing their opponents to take a hard one up the ass, without so much as spit for lube, and my Coastals are playing to their caliber and above, much to my astonishment. The AL North and East are still looking for someone to take the bull by the horns and run.

That's all i got, sorry. I was going to tell tales of my sexual exploits, but nobody needs to know about the time I got a blow job on the ferry crossing Halifax harbour, or that i double penetrate my chick with either a vibe in her pussy if I'm in her ass, or a plug in the butt, if I'm pounding her gash. That's just crude and unnecessary.

Urban Dictionary definition of a Ballpark Frank.

Ball Park Frank
When you shit in a girls cleavage therefore, it looks like a hotdog in a roll

"I ball park franked your mom!"

A chick i saw from my kitchen window.

Check out that ass. You can kind of make it out, but the pants were sheer, so she's basically naked from the waist down. didn't get a good view of the front, unfortunately. So I either missed a wicked camel toe in a thong, or straight up gash. I just thought I'd share.

NL West S10 Preview

I've been in 13 worlds in HBD, some longer than others.  It's a coin toss between this one and Warning Track, as to which is my favorite.  And in both cases, I think my preference for these two leagues is based on how competitive my division is.  Nobody is winning the division by 20 games at the all-star break.  Nobody loses 100 games (at least not lately).  It's just so much more entertaining when the division is tight.

Oakland Ownage -- Division winner each of the last four seasons, and WS winner last year, the Ownage are the NL favorites again.  And with $139M in payroll, anything less than another deep run into the playoffs will be disappointing.  Much like my marriage.  Wait, what?  With no big transactions during the offseason, ownership is assuming the squad can get the same results as last season.  Hall, Wayne, Ramirez, Greenberg, blah blah blah, those guys are still there obviously.  Hitting wise, these guys are off the charts.  Their pitching ain't too bad.  The defense might be the one area that they aren't at the top of the league.  They're the favorites, everyone is chasing them.

Offense: A
Defense: B
Pitching: A
Prediction: 103-59, 1st in the division

Las Vegas Bandits -- Movin' on up, to the east side, Vegas has been progressing since shynent took over, and they're hoping to make another jump this season.  Picking up Aguilera last season was a good start.  But they were suspiciously quiet this season, not making a splash in FA or in the trade market.  But with Aguilera, Krivda, Canseco and Martin, maybe they didn't need to do anything else this year.  The pitching is average, but if they can bang out 300 HR's again, maybe they won't need much pitching.  They're getting better, that's for damn sure.

Offense: B+
Defense: C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81, 3rd in the division

Albuquerque Sandias -- I haven't been this busy with a team in any world in a while.  Three big trades.  One huge FA signing.  I'm visibly excited about this team, but also not convinced that we'll win anything.  Clearly the offense will be led by Cairo, Spahn, Alarcon, Cain, Mairena, and Mendez.  We might even finish as a top 3 offense in the NL.  Our defense is average.  The question is whether or not the pitching can keep the team ERA under 5.00 this season.  It was 4.56 last season.  Last year's offense scored 5.09 runs per game.  I think we're bound to up that number this year, which means my pitching staff can get beat up a little more, and it won't hurt us.  Knock on wood.

Offense: A
Defense: B-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 90-72, 2nd in division

Colorado Swingers -- Colorado was 2nd or 3rd in the division every season until last year, when they slipped to the bottom of the division for the first time.  So what was their plan for getting back into the fight?  Apparently that plan involved not making any significant changes to their roster.  Everything looks very similar to last year.  So McCormick and Washington are still at the plate.  Serrano and Diaz are still throwing the ball.  But those same guys finished at the bottom of the division last year.  Can they simply do better this year?

Offense: B-
Defense: B+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division

NL South S10 Preview

Jacksonville Jimmies -- I hate guys who can win games with moderate budgets.  That's right, I hate bnags.  Other than Season 1 when he was more or less handcuffed with contracts he might not have wanted, he hasn't gone over $75M except for Season 6.  Meanwhile, he's played .550+ ball each of the last five seasons.  What makes me happy?  He's still got that Rick Halama contract this season.  But he's also got Neal, White, Wan, etc.  The starting pitching is a little bit suspect, but the bullpen is sound.  Is that gonna be enough to get these guys back to the World Series?  I just farted.

Offense: A
Defense: C
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 95-67, 1st in division

Jackson Generals -- Shooting for their 10th straight .500+ season, Jackson is the picture of consistency.  They have the hitting (Ontiveros, Wagner, Strickland), they have the pitching (May, Black, Stahl), they have the defense (Strickland, Arias, O'Rourke).  But......they didn't do anything to improve from last season to this one.  "If you stand still, you get passed."

Offense: B
Defense: B+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in division

New Orleans Posse -- Nine seasons, nine sub .500 records.  But last season was the closest they have been to .500 in their history.  Can they finally get there this year?  Lots of former first-rounders are coming into their own at this point.  The top end of the team's roster is just full of young guns.  And I'm not talking about Emilio Estevez.  The hitting is solid.  The defense is good.  It's going to be the pitching, like it is for so many other teams, that hinders them this season.  Corban Little will be good, but he can't start everyday.  These guys are improving, but they're still a ways behind Jackson and Jacksonville.

Offense: C
Defense: B
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81, 2nd in division

Charlotte Sometimes -- BGJ, you need to explain this team name.  I still don't get it.  But this poor team has had such turnover the last few seasons.  After posting its first 100 loss season, things can only get better this year, right?  There are no ridiculous salaries, which is good.  Espinosa and Donovan were good pick-ups.  Bubba Coles was shopped quite a bit, which I don't get since he is one of the best players on the team.  But unlike every other team so far, the Sometimes will actually be led by the pitching staff, as the offense tries to keep up.  Pitching wins games, right?

Offense: C-
Defense: B
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division