BPF All-Timey Rotation:The Fab 5

Having examined teams thoroughly for umpteen seasons now, I can confidently claim that this world has been a pitchers world. There are three who stand above all others but the fourth and fifth spots can be made claim to by many excellent candidates. The criteria I'm using are stats, awards, bias, and opinion. Because I have recently been declared "The Worlds Pre-Eminent Thinker", again, my opinion, is in fact, unassailable, so learn to live with it.

Starter One:

Curtis McMillon Vancouver Coastals Age: 28 B/T: S/L Born: Tioga Center, NY Position(s): P (SP1) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

The Heat, as he's known in Vancouver, in only four and nearly a half seasons has already established the highest winning percentage in BPF history. One of the rarest creatures in HBD, McMillon has more strikeouts than innings pitched over his career. Relying on a biting, 95+MPH four seamer, and a ridiculously effective palmball (whatever the fuck that is, haven't heard that term since the 80s) has two Cy Youngs and a Rookie Of The Year, McMillon is on his way to the most storied career thus far in BPF history. Even though his post season career has been very opposite of his regular seasons, he's still my choice to start game one of the WS. Only thing holding him back from pitching to his potential is the fact he's on my team and I'm a lousy GM.

Starter Two:

Jumbo Long Albuquerque Sandias Age: 33 B/T: R/R Born: Central City, NE Position(s): P (SP1) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

This world's most celebrated pitcher with four Cy Young and constant All-Star apprearances. Not overpowering by any stretch Long dominates with accuracy and touch, and a buckling slider that's just a notch slower than his fastball. A sub 3.00 ERA in over 2400 innings is a massive achievement. Long has also demonstrated a longevity of excellence, being a season 1 original. Jumbo is still bitter over the ridicule he took for his name, while a member of the Faggots.

Starter Three

Chris Matthews Honolulu Harpoon Age: 38 B/T: R/R Born: Edmond, OK Position(s): P (SP3) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

I'll leave the obvious name associations aside. Damn fine pitcher who's made a fucking mint (207 mil!) in his career in BPF. One Cy Young and World Series ring, several All-Star games, his own political talk show on MSNBC (oops). Record the past few seasons hasn't been as shiny as early in his career and his skills are sliding but still effective and owner of a fine legacy. Considering a run for the Senate (oops).

Starter Four

Dummy Wayne Chicago Black Holes Age: 31 B/T: L/L Born: Surrey, BC Position(s): P (SP1) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

This idiot has carved himself a great career despite a marginal IQ. Possessing a 98MPH fastball and just effectively wild, did as stupid does, but still managed to induce goundouts and swinging strike threes, season after season. Getting up there but has won back to back rings and is shooting for three straight with Chicago. So you know how life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you're going to get? Yeah well most boxes come with a fucking guide. It's pretty easy to figure out which is which, moron. Never noticed he's from Surrey BC before. Used to be Vancouver's asshole much like I said about Tacoma, a place so nice they put the airport there.

Starter Number Five (say it like Lou Bega would)

Geraldo Cordero Burlington Coat Factories Age: 30 B/T: L/L Born: Laguna Verde, DO Position(s): P (SP2) View Hardball Dynasty Profile

There was fierce competition for this spot, at least a dozen valid candidates, but when you look at consistency and body of work, it becomes clear. Cordero relies on a hard fastball, curveball combo with a couple other pitches thrown to keep hitters off balance. Never saw Brooke Shield's 13 yr old tits when she was next door to his hometown (that might go over some heads, but trust me, it's brilliant). His first season in Syracuse is made more amazing with the knowledge Cordero compiled a 2.69 ERA despite the Keystone Cops antics behind him.

And now Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon: