A famous Ghostbuster once said "we came, we saw, we kicked its ass." The same words were yelled multiple times this weekend throughout the Sandias clubhouse and front office. Everyone from stud Buck Cain, to pitching great Jumbo Long, to the LoA hitting coach Phil Neal, to the mastermind who put the whole thing together.....njohnson78. And what was the "it" that they were referring to? The entire Sag's Swingers Memorial BPF world. We came, we saw, we kicked its ass.
Other than the brilliant owner who put the team together, who would the franchise most like to thank? Of course, all of the stepping stones, er, people, who helped this team along the way. mira, who let Alex Pizzaro come to town for a couple of prospects. AP hit .348 during the post-season, with 13 RBI's in 16 games. jstnklly traded Jumbo Long to us, in exchange for Oscar Hamilton and Jorge Sivilla, both of whom had good seasons for St Louis, but Jumbo won the Cy Young and went 4-0 in the post-season for the Sandias. Or if we want to go really far back, foolsgold traded Buck to us for three prospects. Buck didn't do much for us in the post-season, but his numbers in the regular season are what helped us get to the playoffs in the first place. In that same season, bbwinksdaddy traded Alarcon to us for Spahn. Humberto had a very solid regular and post-season for our squad. Spahn spent a good portion of the season receiving treatment for his herpes.
Everything else was done by the brilliant team owner. Bringing in Cairo and Mesa, acquiring some of the best coaches money can buy, using players in such a way that nobody was fatigued as the team entered the playoffs.....how this was his first WS win in this world, nobody can understand. But with virtually the entire roster returning next season, and all of them being a year more experienced, clearly Albuquerque is the early favorite to repeat in S12. How could they not be? With the combination of their hitting, pitching, fielding, coaching, and simply brilliant ownership.....the early Vegas line has them as 2-to-5 favorites. Milwaukee is a distant second, at 5-to-1 odds. Despite their talent, Vancouver's lack of luck combined with the jinx put on them by WIS, Vegas lists them as 275-to-1, dead last in the world. When one Vegas expert was asked, he said that "if reigny came in and took over one of the AL franchises, his odds would be 250-to-1." ouch.
All the World News that's unfit for print.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
She can eat all the crackers in bed she wants...
Coming tonight, a look at next seasons Free Agent class. You're going to love it!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
My Issue
At least a handful of you dicks know that I coach high school rowing. Recently, I applied for a job with a fairly prestigious team in this area. Arguably the most historic team in the country, that kind of prestige. They're not as good as they were maybe a decade ago, and certainly not as good as they were 20 or 30 years ago, but they're still pretty good. Also interviewing were two of the assistant coaches from last year. We will call the chick MK, and the dude AZ. Both had two seasons of coaching experience. MK coached the second boat last year to a national championship. Think of the second boat as the JV team. So it would be like your JV volleyball team winning the state championship for their level, if such a thing exists. AZ won the state championship with his third level boat. If there was something between the freshman and JV level, that would be it. Think, retarded JV. That is the complete resume for each of them.
I've been coaching for six years, pretty much year-round for the last three or four years. I've coached high school, I've coached junior elite, I've coached adults, I've done pretty much everything but the college level. I am at this boathouse pretty much non-stop from March through November. MK and AZ show up in March and then leave when the high school season is over at the end of May. I know my way around a budget, I know how to rig boats, I know how to repair boats, I know all of the administrative shit.....I know what I'm fucking doing, this is not my first rodeo. All three of us interview about a month ago, and they hire me. Yay me.
Almost immediately, there is a backlash from some of the girls on this team, because they all like MK, and they are all impressed with her national championship from last spring. A few girls complain, and they get their parents to complain. Meanwhile, MK has a mentor, who also thinks she should have gotten the job. (Side note, at this point AZ realizes he doesn't know shit about shit, and had no business applying for the job, and is a non-factor. He will not be mentioned anymore.) So her mentor, as far as I can tell, basically has her sit back in a corner while he goes to bat for her. He calls every parent that he knows on the team, and he calls the booster club, and he calls the principal of the school. The athletic director and the principal basically tell all of these folks to go shit in their respective hats. "We've made our decision, parents and students do not get a say in the hiring process." Eventually, someone goes to HR and comes up with a few loopholes. One of the guys who sat on the interview panel knows me. He also knows the other two applicants, but people ignore that point. There was also no female representation on the panel. Who gives a shit? And supposedly they printed out MK's work resume, not her rowing resume. I think they should have stuck with her work resume, because her rowing resume is about two sentences long. So what does HR decide to do? They retract their offer to me for the head coach position, and they are opening it up again.
So now I have quit my old coaching job. I brought in an assistant coach, who also quit her old job. I have to apply all over again for this position, and go through the interview process again. I am not too happy. So what do I do here?
-Do I tell them to fuck off and just quit? This is turning into quite a headache, and the parents are still going to be pissed after I get hired again.
-Do I push through, get hired yet again, and fire MK and her mentor? (He is a very part-time asst coach.)
-Do I push through, get hired again, and demote MK down to the third or fourth level boats? Oh, and fire her mentor? That's pretty much a given at this point.
-Do I push through, get hired again, and let everything stay as it is, so as to keep everyone happy and show that I'm not vindictive and angry?
-Other?
I've been coaching for six years, pretty much year-round for the last three or four years. I've coached high school, I've coached junior elite, I've coached adults, I've done pretty much everything but the college level. I am at this boathouse pretty much non-stop from March through November. MK and AZ show up in March and then leave when the high school season is over at the end of May. I know my way around a budget, I know how to rig boats, I know how to repair boats, I know all of the administrative shit.....I know what I'm fucking doing, this is not my first rodeo. All three of us interview about a month ago, and they hire me. Yay me.
Almost immediately, there is a backlash from some of the girls on this team, because they all like MK, and they are all impressed with her national championship from last spring. A few girls complain, and they get their parents to complain. Meanwhile, MK has a mentor, who also thinks she should have gotten the job. (Side note, at this point AZ realizes he doesn't know shit about shit, and had no business applying for the job, and is a non-factor. He will not be mentioned anymore.) So her mentor, as far as I can tell, basically has her sit back in a corner while he goes to bat for her. He calls every parent that he knows on the team, and he calls the booster club, and he calls the principal of the school. The athletic director and the principal basically tell all of these folks to go shit in their respective hats. "We've made our decision, parents and students do not get a say in the hiring process." Eventually, someone goes to HR and comes up with a few loopholes. One of the guys who sat on the interview panel knows me. He also knows the other two applicants, but people ignore that point. There was also no female representation on the panel. Who gives a shit? And supposedly they printed out MK's work resume, not her rowing resume. I think they should have stuck with her work resume, because her rowing resume is about two sentences long. So what does HR decide to do? They retract their offer to me for the head coach position, and they are opening it up again.
So now I have quit my old coaching job. I brought in an assistant coach, who also quit her old job. I have to apply all over again for this position, and go through the interview process again. I am not too happy. So what do I do here?
-Do I tell them to fuck off and just quit? This is turning into quite a headache, and the parents are still going to be pissed after I get hired again.
-Do I push through, get hired yet again, and fire MK and her mentor? (He is a very part-time asst coach.)
-Do I push through, get hired again, and demote MK down to the third or fourth level boats? Oh, and fire her mentor? That's pretty much a given at this point.
-Do I push through, get hired again, and let everything stay as it is, so as to keep everyone happy and show that I'm not vindictive and angry?
-Other?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
BPF All-Timey Rotation:The Fab 5
Having examined teams thoroughly for umpteen seasons now, I can confidently claim that this world has been a pitchers world. There are three who stand above all others but the fourth and fifth spots can be made claim to by many excellent candidates. The criteria I'm using are stats, awards, bias, and opinion. Because I have recently been declared "The Worlds Pre-Eminent Thinker", again, my opinion, is in fact, unassailable, so learn to live with it.
Starter One:
The Heat, as he's known in Vancouver, in only four and nearly a half seasons has already established the highest winning percentage in BPF history. One of the rarest creatures in HBD, McMillon has more strikeouts than innings pitched over his career. Relying on a biting, 95+MPH four seamer, and a ridiculously effective palmball (whatever the fuck that is, haven't heard that term since the 80s) has two Cy Youngs and a Rookie Of The Year, McMillon is on his way to the most storied career thus far in BPF history. Even though his post season career has been very opposite of his regular seasons, he's still my choice to start game one of the WS. Only thing holding him back from pitching to his potential is the fact he's on my team and I'm a lousy GM.
Starter Two:
This world's most celebrated pitcher with four Cy Young and constant All-Star apprearances. Not overpowering by any stretch Long dominates with accuracy and touch, and a buckling slider that's just a notch slower than his fastball. A sub 3.00 ERA in over 2400 innings is a massive achievement. Long has also demonstrated a longevity of excellence, being a season 1 original. Jumbo is still bitter over the ridicule he took for his name, while a member of the Faggots.
Starter Three
I'll leave the obvious name associations aside. Damn fine pitcher who's made a fucking mint (207 mil!) in his career in BPF. One Cy Young and World Series ring, several All-Star games, his own political talk show on MSNBC (oops). Record the past few seasons hasn't been as shiny as early in his career and his skills are sliding but still effective and owner of a fine legacy. Considering a run for the Senate (oops).
Starter Four
This idiot has carved himself a great career despite a marginal IQ. Possessing a 98MPH fastball and just effectively wild, did as stupid does, but still managed to induce goundouts and swinging strike threes, season after season. Getting up there but has won back to back rings and is shooting for three straight with Chicago. So you know how life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you're going to get? Yeah well most boxes come with a fucking guide. It's pretty easy to figure out which is which, moron. Never noticed he's from Surrey BC before. Used to be Vancouver's asshole much like I said about Tacoma, a place so nice they put the airport there.
Starter Number Five (say it like Lou Bega would)
There was fierce competition for this spot, at least a dozen valid candidates, but when you look at consistency and body of work, it becomes clear. Cordero relies on a hard fastball, curveball combo with a couple other pitches thrown to keep hitters off balance. Never saw Brooke Shield's 13 yr old tits when she was next door to his hometown (that might go over some heads, but trust me, it's brilliant). His first season in Syracuse is made more amazing with the knowledge Cordero compiled a 2.69 ERA despite the Keystone Cops antics behind him.
And now Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon:
Starter One:
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The Heat, as he's known in Vancouver, in only four and nearly a half seasons has already established the highest winning percentage in BPF history. One of the rarest creatures in HBD, McMillon has more strikeouts than innings pitched over his career. Relying on a biting, 95+MPH four seamer, and a ridiculously effective palmball (whatever the fuck that is, haven't heard that term since the 80s) has two Cy Youngs and a Rookie Of The Year, McMillon is on his way to the most storied career thus far in BPF history. Even though his post season career has been very opposite of his regular seasons, he's still my choice to start game one of the WS. Only thing holding him back from pitching to his potential is the fact he's on my team and I'm a lousy GM.
Starter Two:
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This world's most celebrated pitcher with four Cy Young and constant All-Star apprearances. Not overpowering by any stretch Long dominates with accuracy and touch, and a buckling slider that's just a notch slower than his fastball. A sub 3.00 ERA in over 2400 innings is a massive achievement. Long has also demonstrated a longevity of excellence, being a season 1 original. Jumbo is still bitter over the ridicule he took for his name, while a member of the Faggots.
Starter Three
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I'll leave the obvious name associations aside. Damn fine pitcher who's made a fucking mint (207 mil!) in his career in BPF. One Cy Young and World Series ring, several All-Star games, his own political talk show on MSNBC (oops). Record the past few seasons hasn't been as shiny as early in his career and his skills are sliding but still effective and owner of a fine legacy. Considering a run for the Senate (oops).
Starter Four
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This idiot has carved himself a great career despite a marginal IQ. Possessing a 98MPH fastball and just effectively wild, did as stupid does, but still managed to induce goundouts and swinging strike threes, season after season. Getting up there but has won back to back rings and is shooting for three straight with Chicago. So you know how life is like a box of chocolates and you never know what you're going to get? Yeah well most boxes come with a fucking guide. It's pretty easy to figure out which is which, moron. Never noticed he's from Surrey BC before. Used to be Vancouver's asshole much like I said about Tacoma, a place so nice they put the airport there.
Starter Number Five (say it like Lou Bega would)
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There was fierce competition for this spot, at least a dozen valid candidates, but when you look at consistency and body of work, it becomes clear. Cordero relies on a hard fastball, curveball combo with a couple other pitches thrown to keep hitters off balance. Never saw Brooke Shield's 13 yr old tits when she was next door to his hometown (that might go over some heads, but trust me, it's brilliant). His first season in Syracuse is made more amazing with the knowledge Cordero compiled a 2.69 ERA despite the Keystone Cops antics behind him.
And now Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon:
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
All time All BPF team.
Should have done this last season, but better late than never. With 10 seasons having passed it's time to look at which players have been the best by position so far. So I imagined convenening an esteemed panel of pretend baseball experts, insiders, and the liberal sports media to come up with this team. I'll start first with the catchers position. This one's pretty easy:
bnags stole Neal from Portland (now Salem) in season 5 in probably the worst trade in BPF history (shame on us for not catching that one). Seriously, Neal for Yuniesky Maranon, Bryan Anderson, and Albert Simon, fucking awful. A World Series ring, several Silver Sluggers, All-Star appearances, and a Gold Glove later and you have one of the most bestest players in BPF. Though not blessed with the strongest arm, he's a more than capable pitch caller, and a sick bat. Honorable mention goes to Geronimo Cruz. When reached for a comment Neal simply stated in a thick Brooklyn accent, "Go fuck yourself".
At first base the choice was easy:
The most decorated player in BPF history has been aided by playing in some hitter friendly park's and some dubious early seasons pitching. But his achievements can't be denied. A stunning combination of power and speed, and a very competent glove man at first. 5 MVPs, 2 Gold Gloves, a slew of All-Star games and a championship on his sparkling resume. All time BPF leader in runs, homers, RBIs, and stolen bases. Unbelievably has never learned english except to say "baseball has been bery, bery good to me".
Our second bagger is:
Though still surrounded by the controversy involving several underage Thai boy prostitutes and a long standing addiction to opium and opium derivatives, Hall has forged himself a sexy career. Though he spent a couple seasons in RF recently, Hall has two MVPs and four Silver Sluggers at second. He's also a two-time consecutive World Series champeen, and has a good shot at three in a row with Chicago this season. We asked his teamates ofr a comment, and it was almost universal: "sick asshole, but a great player". Aspires to be a baby sitter specializing in pre-pubescent boys when his career winds up.
The best shortstop we've seen so far is a much harder call. The panel wanted the defensive importance of the postion to be of greater signifigance than the bat. We haven't seen a SS win an MVP, there have been a few big hitters with lacking glove work, who also spent significant time at other positions, which the panel concluded was not enough to qualify. So believe it or not here is the ALL-Time BPF shortstop:
I know, I know, but I think he's the only SS to win both a Gold Glove (4) and a Silver Slugger (2), as well as making the All-Star team in his first five seasons. Both Aaron Spahn and Pedro Aguilera have won Silver Sluggers at the position but neither are true shortstops. Anyways Tejada was a rocket armed hoover in the early days who went largely unnoticed except by the awards commitee. Here you go Tony, congrats.
Third base gives us a lot of candidates and maybe some controversy. Or maybe not. There hasn't been a player who, over the course of this world's history, been there season in season out. We've seen many player have a good stretch here and there and there have been some familiar names appear over time such as Flores in vancouver and Rader, whereever the hell he is. Aguilera has spent some time there and won awards but in the end the nod goes to :
He's spent quite a bit of time as an over reaching shortstop, but his true spot is at the Hot Corner where he's won both the Gold Glove and Silver Slugger. This world's only openly gay player it's his career goal to one day play in KC. Spahn won a ring in his first season, which spoiled him as he thought it would be easy to win more as easy as it is to get an anonymous blow job in the showers at whatever Y he was at. Wrong.
Let's move to the outfield. we'll start in center. It came down to Flash Bass and the eventual winner of this phony popularity contest
Though recently moved to secondbase, Morris's achievements in center can't be denied. He's won every AL CF Silver Slugger since his rookie season (which also had him win Rookie of The Year). Power and speed, with very good range. In off-field news it was recently discovered he has sent cell phone pictures of his dick to a former Jets employee...er, wait...that's Brett Favre. dick isn't that impressive, wouldn't even tempt Spahn.
In left the Star Chamber decided upon:
Pretty weak pool of candidates, many candidates from the first few seasons, Starr is the only one with longevity at the position and has won both Silver Sluggers and Gold Gloves at the position. Really boring guy, collects empty toilet rolls as a hobby and has been known to chew cud.
In rightfield it was settled upon:
Couldn't catch a cold in the field, but at the plate the guy is bonkers. Three time MVP still in his peak years and winning championships. In the early days of BPF Rob Dickerson was The Man in right but his legacy has been clocked by Allen, whose trophy mantle keeps filling up. Shockingly admitted that as a teenage promise keeper who hasn't met "the One" he's still a virgin.
The panel decided to pass on the DH as it's not applicable to both leagues. The panel reconvenes tommorrow for the All-time BPF Four Man Rotation and maybe closer.
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bnags stole Neal from Portland (now Salem) in season 5 in probably the worst trade in BPF history (shame on us for not catching that one). Seriously, Neal for Yuniesky Maranon, Bryan Anderson, and Albert Simon, fucking awful. A World Series ring, several Silver Sluggers, All-Star appearances, and a Gold Glove later and you have one of the most bestest players in BPF. Though not blessed with the strongest arm, he's a more than capable pitch caller, and a sick bat. Honorable mention goes to Geronimo Cruz. When reached for a comment Neal simply stated in a thick Brooklyn accent, "Go fuck yourself".
At first base the choice was easy:
|
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The most decorated player in BPF history has been aided by playing in some hitter friendly park's and some dubious early seasons pitching. But his achievements can't be denied. A stunning combination of power and speed, and a very competent glove man at first. 5 MVPs, 2 Gold Gloves, a slew of All-Star games and a championship on his sparkling resume. All time BPF leader in runs, homers, RBIs, and stolen bases. Unbelievably has never learned english except to say "baseball has been bery, bery good to me".
Our second bagger is:
|
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Though still surrounded by the controversy involving several underage Thai boy prostitutes and a long standing addiction to opium and opium derivatives, Hall has forged himself a sexy career. Though he spent a couple seasons in RF recently, Hall has two MVPs and four Silver Sluggers at second. He's also a two-time consecutive World Series champeen, and has a good shot at three in a row with Chicago this season. We asked his teamates ofr a comment, and it was almost universal: "sick asshole, but a great player". Aspires to be a baby sitter specializing in pre-pubescent boys when his career winds up.
The best shortstop we've seen so far is a much harder call. The panel wanted the defensive importance of the postion to be of greater signifigance than the bat. We haven't seen a SS win an MVP, there have been a few big hitters with lacking glove work, who also spent significant time at other positions, which the panel concluded was not enough to qualify. So believe it or not here is the ALL-Time BPF shortstop:
 |
| ||||||||||||||
I know, I know, but I think he's the only SS to win both a Gold Glove (4) and a Silver Slugger (2), as well as making the All-Star team in his first five seasons. Both Aaron Spahn and Pedro Aguilera have won Silver Sluggers at the position but neither are true shortstops. Anyways Tejada was a rocket armed hoover in the early days who went largely unnoticed except by the awards commitee. Here you go Tony, congrats.
Third base gives us a lot of candidates and maybe some controversy. Or maybe not. There hasn't been a player who, over the course of this world's history, been there season in season out. We've seen many player have a good stretch here and there and there have been some familiar names appear over time such as Flores in vancouver and Rader, whereever the hell he is. Aguilera has spent some time there and won awards but in the end the nod goes to :
 |
| ||||||||||||||
He's spent quite a bit of time as an over reaching shortstop, but his true spot is at the Hot Corner where he's won both the Gold Glove and Silver Slugger. This world's only openly gay player it's his career goal to one day play in KC. Spahn won a ring in his first season, which spoiled him as he thought it would be easy to win more as easy as it is to get an anonymous blow job in the showers at whatever Y he was at. Wrong.
Let's move to the outfield. we'll start in center. It came down to Flash Bass and the eventual winner of this phony popularity contest
|
| ||||||||||||||
Though recently moved to secondbase, Morris's achievements in center can't be denied. He's won every AL CF Silver Slugger since his rookie season (which also had him win Rookie of The Year). Power and speed, with very good range. In off-field news it was recently discovered he has sent cell phone pictures of his dick to a former Jets employee...er, wait...that's Brett Favre. dick isn't that impressive, wouldn't even tempt Spahn.
In left the Star Chamber decided upon:
 |
| ||||||||||||||
Pretty weak pool of candidates, many candidates from the first few seasons, Starr is the only one with longevity at the position and has won both Silver Sluggers and Gold Gloves at the position. Really boring guy, collects empty toilet rolls as a hobby and has been known to chew cud.
In rightfield it was settled upon:
 |
| ||||||||||||||
Couldn't catch a cold in the field, but at the plate the guy is bonkers. Three time MVP still in his peak years and winning championships. In the early days of BPF Rob Dickerson was The Man in right but his legacy has been clocked by Allen, whose trophy mantle keeps filling up. Shockingly admitted that as a teenage promise keeper who hasn't met "the One" he's still a virgin.
The panel decided to pass on the DH as it's not applicable to both leagues. The panel reconvenes tommorrow for the All-time BPF Four Man Rotation and maybe closer.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
AL North
Honolulu Harpoon
Vancouver's li'l division buddy has seen some changes. The offence doesn't feature a great deal of high ratings and boasts little star power. Chris Matthews and Walt Wilkins make a lovely 1-2, but beyond that it's just a little above average. Pretty solid up the middle, so hit to the corners.
Defence: B-
Offence: C+
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 86-76
Googled Honolulu Girl Shot:
Tacoma Car Prowlers
I look at this team and I see a pretty good squad. I said that last year but I was surprised by it's 77-85 record. A nice line-up with some, but not alot, of power. Some nice elite bats. The pitching is high solid, sub-spectacular. The starting rotation might have control struggles but the bullpen looks nice. Pretty solid defensively, which will help the starters. I'm starting to get a headache from staring at this computer screen for the past seven hours.
Defence: B
Offence: B-
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 88-74
Googled Tacoma Girl Shot:
Scottsdale Storm
Poor Morgan Brow and Donaldo Escobar. These shining jewels twinkle amidst alot of shit. Looks to be another season of next season draft anticipation. I really don't see much else to say. Non-stunning defenders, I dunno. Harsh words? Go tell Hersh Ward.
Defence: C-
Offence: C-
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 59-103
Googled Scottsdale Girl Shot:
Vancouver Coastals
Three words: No safety net. Or it could be: No margin for error. How about: another playoff failure. Or: goddamn fucking sonofabitch. NJ says you get passed if you stand still. Vancouver stood still, actually took a step back. On paper still looks like the class of the AL, but I already said something about paper a few teams back. Franchise boasts all reigning MVP major awards winners, definitely not in the running for an ROY this season. One injury to either the offense or pitching and this season is shot.
Defense: B
Offense: A-
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 104-58
Googled Vancouver Girl Shot:
Vancouver's li'l division buddy has seen some changes. The offence doesn't feature a great deal of high ratings and boasts little star power. Chris Matthews and Walt Wilkins make a lovely 1-2, but beyond that it's just a little above average. Pretty solid up the middle, so hit to the corners.
Defence: B-
Offence: C+
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 86-76
Googled Honolulu Girl Shot:
Tacoma Car Prowlers
I look at this team and I see a pretty good squad. I said that last year but I was surprised by it's 77-85 record. A nice line-up with some, but not alot, of power. Some nice elite bats. The pitching is high solid, sub-spectacular. The starting rotation might have control struggles but the bullpen looks nice. Pretty solid defensively, which will help the starters. I'm starting to get a headache from staring at this computer screen for the past seven hours.
Defence: B
Offence: B-
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 88-74
Googled Tacoma Girl Shot:
Scottsdale Storm
Poor Morgan Brow and Donaldo Escobar. These shining jewels twinkle amidst alot of shit. Looks to be another season of next season draft anticipation. I really don't see much else to say. Non-stunning defenders, I dunno. Harsh words? Go tell Hersh Ward.
Defence: C-
Offence: C-
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 59-103
Googled Scottsdale Girl Shot:
Vancouver Coastals
Three words: No safety net. Or it could be: No margin for error. How about: another playoff failure. Or: goddamn fucking sonofabitch. NJ says you get passed if you stand still. Vancouver stood still, actually took a step back. On paper still looks like the class of the AL, but I already said something about paper a few teams back. Franchise boasts all reigning MVP major awards winners, definitely not in the running for an ROY this season. One injury to either the offense or pitching and this season is shot.
Defense: B
Offense: A-
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 104-58
Googled Vancouver Girl Shot:
AL Dirtier South
The Dirty South is actually one of my most popular breakfast items. It consists of two fried eggs brushed with BBQ sauce, on corn cakes, with pulled pork rib, succotash, and fried onions. No wonder my cafe constant line-ups.
Back to y'all
Houston Colt45s
A cautionary tale. After 10 seasons of devoted ownership, kemosabe waited for credits to re-up. Unfortunately a family emergency popped up and for a critical three days kemo rightly focused his concerns elsewhere, but subsequently lost his team. Folks, if you can re-up before roll, if you are going to wait, let me know so I can be aware and will hold your team. Anyhoo...
...We now see the franchise moved from Texas progressive bastion and capitol Austin to drill 'em and fuck 'em Houston. Will see if this carries over to a return to winning in the Republic. Geraldo Saenz and Terry Green are the stars of the team, but there's not a lot of of top flight talent behind them. Not push overs, but seem doubtful for a playoff spot, though I haven't looked at the other teams in the division yet, so maybe this is best team. In terms of pitching, control and effectiveness versus lefties are concerns.
Defence: B-
Offence: C+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 77-85
Googled Houston Girl Shot:
Richmond Informers
Last seasons division winner will face a challenge from Kansas city, but in this division any thing is possible, there's not much separation in talent level. Solid, but not knee shaking in any aspect, this team will grind out wins, but won't blow other squads away. No major Award type players. there's really not much to say here, but at least ownership has brought some measure of respectability to this franchise.
Defence: C+
Offence: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 81-81
Googled Richmond Girl Shot (dubious Richmond connection):
Tampa Bay rays (sic)
A once proud and mighty franchise has been reduced to a drunken bum, sitting in his own filth under an overpass somewhere. Well, maybe that's harsh. Actually it's similar to the very early editions of the ol' timey and actual Devil Rays, that is to say, awful. There is some serviceable talent that won't just rollover but any grounder will roll between the infielders legs and the outfielders are going to lose lots of pop flys to the sun. Get ready for errors, lots and lots of errors. Ol' timey vintage Bad News Bears before Tatum O'Neill type defence.
Defence: D
Offence: C
Pitching: C
Prediction:59-103
Googled Tampa bay Girl Shot:
Kansas City Faggots
Hey-heyyy sailors! OK well, it's clear we have the division winner. this team is erect with good wood handlers. These guys know how to hold a shaft and swing at the ball. They like 'em high and inside, low and away, whatever, just keep those balls cumming...er...coming. the pitchers know how to grip a ball as well, how to hide that ball, and how to put that ball just where they want it. the defenders have some soft hands, and have just enough snap on those wrists. The tightest uniforms in the world will see plenty of plays made from the knees. One thing that might haunt this team is that the players who chew tobacco, might wind up getting sick because they always swallow. Anyhoo, gay times for Kansas City as the AL prepares to take it up the ass.
Defence: B-
Offence: B
Pitching: B
Prediction: 98-64
Googled Kansas City Gay Shot:
Back to y'all
Houston Colt45s
A cautionary tale. After 10 seasons of devoted ownership, kemosabe waited for credits to re-up. Unfortunately a family emergency popped up and for a critical three days kemo rightly focused his concerns elsewhere, but subsequently lost his team. Folks, if you can re-up before roll, if you are going to wait, let me know so I can be aware and will hold your team. Anyhoo...
...We now see the franchise moved from Texas progressive bastion and capitol Austin to drill 'em and fuck 'em Houston. Will see if this carries over to a return to winning in the Republic. Geraldo Saenz and Terry Green are the stars of the team, but there's not a lot of of top flight talent behind them. Not push overs, but seem doubtful for a playoff spot, though I haven't looked at the other teams in the division yet, so maybe this is best team. In terms of pitching, control and effectiveness versus lefties are concerns.
Defence: B-
Offence: C+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 77-85
Googled Houston Girl Shot:
Richmond Informers
Last seasons division winner will face a challenge from Kansas city, but in this division any thing is possible, there's not much separation in talent level. Solid, but not knee shaking in any aspect, this team will grind out wins, but won't blow other squads away. No major Award type players. there's really not much to say here, but at least ownership has brought some measure of respectability to this franchise.
Defence: C+
Offence: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 81-81
Googled Richmond Girl Shot (dubious Richmond connection):
Tampa Bay rays (sic)
A once proud and mighty franchise has been reduced to a drunken bum, sitting in his own filth under an overpass somewhere. Well, maybe that's harsh. Actually it's similar to the very early editions of the ol' timey and actual Devil Rays, that is to say, awful. There is some serviceable talent that won't just rollover but any grounder will roll between the infielders legs and the outfielders are going to lose lots of pop flys to the sun. Get ready for errors, lots and lots of errors. Ol' timey vintage Bad News Bears before Tatum O'Neill type defence.
Defence: D
Offence: C
Pitching: C
Prediction:59-103
Googled Tampa bay Girl Shot:
Kansas City Faggots
Hey-heyyy sailors! OK well, it's clear we have the division winner. this team is erect with good wood handlers. These guys know how to hold a shaft and swing at the ball. They like 'em high and inside, low and away, whatever, just keep those balls cumming...er...coming. the pitchers know how to grip a ball as well, how to hide that ball, and how to put that ball just where they want it. the defenders have some soft hands, and have just enough snap on those wrists. The tightest uniforms in the world will see plenty of plays made from the knees. One thing that might haunt this team is that the players who chew tobacco, might wind up getting sick because they always swallow. Anyhoo, gay times for Kansas City as the AL prepares to take it up the ass.
Defence: B-
Offence: B
Pitching: B
Prediction: 98-64
Googled Kansas City Gay Shot:
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