NL recap

So I spent the weekend at Bethany Beach with the lovely Mrs NJ78, and I am sunburned from head to toe, and quite angry at the world.  More accurately, angry at the sun.  But.....I did get to spend some real quality time staring at many young ladies.  I have to say "young ladies," because I'm sure the vast majority of the tits I was staring at belong to 17yo girls.  But Jesus H Christ, they were everywhere.  And it's very cliche, but you really can't tell their age anymore.  There were six or seven smoking hot chicks sitting a few yards from us, and I spent the better part of a half hour giving them names and guessing bra sizes, etc., while pretending to read.  They all got up and were putting on shorts and t-shirts.....every t-shirt had a high school's name on it.  As they walked by, I heard one say something about going to court next week to get her license.  I am a horrible person.  But there were about 500 of this chick walking around all weekend. 

I really don't want to go back and look at my predictions from a few months ago.  Partly because I'm sure I was wrong in a number of areas, and partly because I'm still googling "teen bikini."  So up in the NL North, Helena easily ran away with the division.  OK, fine, twist my arm, I'll look up my predictions.  Hey, look at that, I picked Helena to win the division.  I'm a fucking genius.  I gave Philly a bit too much credit, but otherwise I picked this division pretty well. 

In the NL East, Durham and St Louis beat the ever loving shit out of Baltimore and Hartford.  Durham was 22-8 in the division, St Louis was 19-11, while Baltimore (9-21!!) and Hartford (10-20!!) were a disaster.  Other than Baltimore playing a bit better than I predicted, this division went as predicted.  I'm smart.  The fact that Durham and St Louis didn't make it far in the playoffs should make everyone else feel a little better. 

The NL South really shows that I don't know shit about shit when it comes to this game.  I said Jackson would win 101 games.  They won 74.  I said El Paso would win 81 games.  They won 68.  I said Jacksonville would win only 65 games.  They upped that to 74.  Hey, I got New Orleans right!  Whatever.  That whole division sucks.  They all have sub-.500 records against me, so I'm allowed to say that. 

Yet again, the NL West proves to be one of the best divisions in any world at any time in the history of HBD.  I predicted Salem to finish 4th in the division with an 80-82 record, and.....they did.  Granted, tom missed some time with personal issues, so it's not crazy to think they might have finished above .500 and in 3rd place.  I predicted a 2nd place finish for my boys, with 90 wins, and I was just two wins away as they got 88.  I predicted a 7 win difference between 1st and 3rd place, with Boise in first and Colorado in 3rd.  It ended up being a 6 win difference, with Colorado in 1st and Boise in 3rd.  Pretty damn close.  And then 89 win Colorado went on to sweep Albuquerque in the first round, take 3 of 4 from Helena in the next round, then a weird 7 game NLCS against St Louis, followed by a 7 game World Series Championship.  Colorado, the number three seed, whose first playoff appearance was last season, stormed through the playoffs, going 14-7, with only 2 of those wins being 1-run games.  It wasn't pretty, but they got there. 

It should be noted that the NL West has won the World Series in seasons 9, 11, and 13, all by different franchises.  I'm going on record now to say that the Boise franchise will win it all in Season 15. 

Season 13 Recap-NSFW, though only mildly considering the source.

A hearty congrats and a well deserved WTF go out to bbwinksdaddy and his Colorado Swinger's squad for an improbable playoff run, culminating in a thrilling seven game series against AL powerhouse Chicago. The team that was named in honour of sagacious(respect)' old squad must have been getting some help from the other side, as a team of what is essentially spare parts gelled at the right time. Both owners were BPF World Series virgins, so we have our fifth different series champ in as many years.

The season started most notably with a huge sell off in Vancouver. In, perhaps, a rash move I (having suffered playoff humiliation after playoff humiliation, season after season, world after world) unloaded almost every star for prospects. Can't help think that maybe this was the year, but, of course, we know it wasn't. It's never, ever going to be the year for me. Ever.

The season got off to a very surprising start. In the AL North the soon to be departed domi's Portland franchise shot out of the gate to much crowing from said soon-to-be-gone owner, but eventually reality set in, and the Stoudemires collapsed into fourth. A spot which gmurphy's Fargo Fainting Goats would have owned had they not benefitted greatly in a trade with me. As it is the Goats finished third, not baaaaad (ya, fuck you too). Wait a minute...it's sheep that go baaaaah, what the fuck sound do goats make? Maybe they both go baaaah, what do I know, I'm not a farmer. Anyhoo, favourite target of mine, mira's Montreal Maroons was in the pedestrian category for a good chunk of nthe season, until really turning it on in the latter half, eventually taking first from foolsgold's Milwaukee franchise, who, in my more than excellent opinion, vastly underachieved, especially Bud perez, who, despite many attmepts, fg couldn't get some to give up everything for. Maybe combine roofies with GBH next time. Montreal and Milwaukee wound up meeting in the second round with the Uecks triumphing on superior pitching and the aforementioned Bud Perez.

Over yonder, in the AL East, things also started kind of topsy turvy but quickly worked themselves out and everything fell into place. Chicago's Black Holes pulled way from the surprising Wildcard Syracuse Streetwalkers, who managed to whore their way to second place finish, despite my otherwise completely accurate prediction. Trenton did what Trenton does, and former WS Gods New York Yankeescontinues it's fall from grace but at least started the season with the requisite amount of pitchers, bless devon's heart.

Down in the AL South, jcarver's Richmond Informers regained divisional first, the fifth title in six seasons (damn you season 13 joe!), from the Houston Colt 45s. Wasn't really close. One of the season's biggest stunners was the losing record posted by ghutton's Florida Fire. That team looks like a beast on paper so 75-87 is just stupid, it makes no sense. I've seen some under and over performances (looking at you Colorado) but nothing that ridiculous. Hi sergei, hope we're both happy with our first draft picks next season. Ugh.

Out in the AL West, an era came to a screaching, halting, crashing, banging stop. And you know what? In the end my team wound up where they did when they won 110 games all the time, not World Series champs. Not much less in credits either. Vancouver will rise again, like the Phoenix, but still in Vancouver not Phoenix, and pluck out the metaphorical eyes of the other teams, kaw-kaw-kaw. Anyways, Scottsdale threatened 100 wins with the aid of jettisoned super combo Alex Avila and Curtis McMillon and claimed divisional first place for the fourth time, and the first time since Season 3. Honolulu just missed out on the last wildcard spot, greatly exceeded my expectations and deserves an urban, inner city child type shout out to shiish, who must be either sick of or enjoying second place. kemosabe's Salt Lake City Warriors project continues to advance.

Over in the NL some teams won more than they lost and vice versa, but whatever it's the NL. Pitchers hit in the NL. I'd rather see people picked randomly from the crowd to hit for the pitcher, than the actual pitcher. Maybe I'll do one tomorrow but I'm about to...well, if know me by now, you know what's coming over to my place. Maybe nj will find the time, I love his obscenity laden rants.

Overall, a really interesting season. Also, no drama, no rules violations, pretty good balance in records. Thanks all, keep up the good work, and re-up.

For Rosie: The Ballad of Roosevelt Brower

For the Club of the 500 dingers is actually quite small
Washington, Cairo, now Brower, and that is all.
For Rosie, the road was long and incredibly hard
Get your mind out of the gutter, I'm a poet and a bard
For ol Rosie debuted a season 1 hero
An original San Diegan, a real Terero
For Rosie, the man of big swings, the homers came fast
Except for the last couple seasons, harder to haul ass.
Alone, unsigned, adrift, but still with hope
Along came Memphis with an offer most dope
For Rosie, so close to glory, did he get
The chance to smack a few more, a milestone met
For Rosie achieved the level so rarely attained
And, for that, a release has been gained
Like the proverbial bird on a wire of waivers
This is what happens when you do people favours.

Fin

Actual Logo For The Catholic Church circa '73

More From Our Mascot.

She's a peach, eh?

AL Worst, the Impotent Empire Throws in the Towel.

Honolulu Harpoon
94-68/2nd
For most of last season the Harpoon wildly exceeded my expectations. Now the team has added uber pitcher Jumbo Long. Still doesn't look like a world beating squad, but that's what I thought last season. Aside from Long there`s a roster with some solid parts but no world beaters. With the demise of Vancouver, and the rise of Scottsdale, I`ll put Honolulu back in second in the division, and possible wild card contention, and it could be a tight fight for those two spots.
Defense: C+ (very good SS`s, not much else)
Offense: C+ (barely)
Pitching: C+ (Long and Elder)
Prediction: 84-78




Salt Lake City Warriors
54-108/ 4th
The only AL team that might be in peril with the newly established 40/60 rule. Prospect acquisition is still managements focus. There's fuck all to write about really. Guess the team's rangy but that just means they'll get to a lot of balls only to drop them. Pitching isn't miserable, but there won't be much to smile about, i don't even thing you buy beer in the stands, can you? Surprisingly I got matches to "Salt Lake City+strippers". But still, all the seer stones in the world don't see many wins for this team.
Defense: C+
Offense:C-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 52-110




Scottsdale Storm
62-100/ 3rd
The most improved team in the AL, should see an impressive turnaround in record. Acquiring two major award candidates in Ayala and McMillon give this team instant credibility. Be interesting to see how those perform away from my curse. A little short on depth but some very nice top end pieces. In fact the top talent (Aside from Long) in the AL West is almost exclusively in Arizona. With Vancouver's team bail the AL West might be totally up for grabs, with only SLC not having a hope in hell.
Hope no one the team needs a transplant.
Defense: C+
Offense: B-
Pitching: B- (Both the line up and pitching are top heavy, pulling up the rating)
Prediction: 81-81





Vancouver Coastals
107-55/ 1st
A run off six straight 100 plus win seasons will come crashing to screeching halt this season. In those six seasons this franchise went 13-23 in the playoffs. Enough was fucking enough. So gone are regular season heroes/congenital playoff failures McMillon, Ayala, Alcantara, Campos, Johnson, and N. Clement. And still Vancouver might have the best team in the west. I definitely hoped for better bargain FAs, but at least the Yankees now have a full roster. There is now hope for the future in the sytem and management is getting into the cut-throat biz of prospect acquisition for the next couple seasons. Oh and thanks for the mutual option on Laroche next season devon, appreciated.
Defense: A-
Offense: B-
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 88-74




Well, that's it. I'm really confident that all my forecasts are 100% spot on. Looking forward to a competitive season. Good luck boys!

AL Durty Ass South

Houston Colt 45s
88-74/1st
Improving the pitching seemed to be the priority for Houston, so joe went out and acquired Bennett and Barret through FA, and Knotts in a trade. Some on the staff might be prone to walks, where as, on the other hand, the offense might be a little impatient and have a tendency to swing at bad pitches. Up the middle the defense is solid, spot dubious in the rest of the field. The pitching additions should push the win total up smidgen this year, though many teams have improved and it wouldn`t be surprising to see wins a lot harder to come by for every team.
Defense: C+
Offense: B
Pitching: B
Prediction: 90-72



Florida Fire
64-98/4th
A massive trade saw ghutton deal much of his team's future to make an improvement on his team's present. Should pay off for the now. Hopefully because ghutton also blew his wad with a huge FA deal to former one time All Star Wilkerson. Throw in super kid Torres to the mix and you've got a pretty formidable core. The pitching has been overhauled with trades and FA signings, ghutton really went to town and gave his team a huge makeover, it will be tough for Houston to retain it's division title and I'd actually put my money on this team.
Defense: B+
Offense: B+
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 96-66




Richmond Informers
82-80/ 2nd
This off season Richmond saw Vinny casey and Wes Cammack walk, but they've been replaced with Chuckie Greenberg and Sterling Walsh which pretty much washes the loss. Kind of a lunch pail crew looks to be another season of grinding, but it would be shocking to see this team finish anywhere other than third in the division. Solid, but unspectacular in almost every area.
Defense: B
Offense: B-
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 84-78




Memphis Dead Elvi
66-96/3rd
I don't think enough, if any credit, rock n roll has hadon western, especially North American, culture, the economy, everything really. Before rock n roll broke, there was no "youth culture". Teens and younger weren't mass marketed to. Children dressed the way their parents wanted, possessed only what their parents wanted them to have. From the innocent beginnings of the youth movement we now have a generation of lazy, spoiled, self-precious pukes with an overwhelming sense the world owes them just for being here. So fuck you Elvis, you didn't invent Rock n Roll, you basically stole it from Chuck Berry. Anyways this team sucks. No, really. the team logo is MT, which perfectly describes this teams talent cupboard.
Defense: C+
Offense: B- (though some will have limited ABs)
Pitching: C
Prediction: 62-100

AL Least: A Landscape Marked By Missing Yankee Posters, How Sad.

The AL Least, where someone is taking New York players and not replacing them, call the FBI, this might be one for Hutch, JJ, and Garcia, and that dweeb who knows everything, fuck him.

Chicago Black Holes
104-58/1st
This team got off to a bodickulus start last season before cooling off some down the stretch. Very, very little has changed. CY guy Idiot Wayne anchors a very capable staff, and the offense remains as dangerous as ever. Man, I really want to go to Chicago. Just fucking eat. Other than that not much to say, really. It's status quo.
Defense: B
Offense: B+
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 100-62/ 1st



New York Yankees
78-84/3rd
Okay, what the fuck?! There's 14 players on the big league roster. How the fuck am I supposed to preview that. So waht reigning MVP Cruz is still there or pitcher Arias, Black, and some other guy. Where have all the players gone? Why would they just be gone with no one to fill their shoes. Is there meaning to this? Will there be a mass of cheap signings and call ups, at the end of spring traing? Didn't we go through a hole ordeal last season with gassed pitchers due to lack of arms? I'm at a loss. Like whole hordes of people voting against their own self interests, I'm just stumped as to why. So for now no grades, just an incomplete, and as it stands now a record of 6-156.

Almost don't feel like posting a pic, but I love you guys...


Trenton Enforcers
84-78/2nd
It's been a busy preseason in Trenton, a flurry of discount FA signings in Tarasco, Morris, and Zhang, coupla trades landing Valentin and White, even a rule5 draftee in Neruda (whose mediocrity could be described as meteoric), might see Trenton push last seasons win total up a couple. Or down a couple. What am I? Nostrodamus? Again this team is insanely durable.
Defense: C+
Offense: B-
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 84-78



Syracuse Street Walkers
74-88th/4th
So my last two forecast for this team have been waaaaay off, way, way, the fuck, off. I'm a little wary of this team now, but let's consider what we've got: Not much.
When your best pitcher is your closer, and your star is Boskie, there will be no playoff hunt. On the other hand, you can spend time you'd be into your team into some much needed manscaping. Nobody likes unsightly, and unwanted, hairs.
Defense: C+
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 70-92

AL Preview: NSFW

OK, Bozos, let go of your ding-a-lings, and sit the fuck up straight. Gawd you're an embarrassment. Anyways, here it is the muchly anticipated AL PREVIEW. We enter into a new regulated era in BPF. I've always been a play and let play guy, but some happenings last season really chaffed my grits or something to that effect. The inspiration for the rules has taken his douchebaggery somewhere else. So heed the rules, or I'll punch you in the throat. Along with the preview I'll present a relevant picture of a google image search "(your team's city)+strippers



AL North

Fargo Fainting Goats
*To be edited*
55-107, 4th
Remember last season? just4u2nv, what a guy. Gotta love the use of AI? Oh well, we got a deal done so last year's pick could sign, and gmurphy can at least benefit from last season's fiasco. Welcome gmurph, wondering what you got yourself into?
So this team is the one that mostly inspired the 40/60 rule. Looks like Fargo should be fine, at least in the budget department. Wins? Maybe not so much. No huge FA losses or gains. 10 straight losing seasons, facing 11, most likely 12, but with Heinie Cormier in the system, and the second pick in this seasons and another top 3 next, this franchise is on solid ground for rebuilding. But my gawd, the crowds will be sparse in frozen Fargo. That was a great movie, eh? William H. Macy was fantastic.
(Below has been updated following the trade)
Defense: C No gloves at all
Offense: B- Won't overwhelm, but not useless
Pitching: C+ As above, maybe even slightly better
Prediction: 70-92, 4th



Montreal Maroons
107-55, 1st
I have to give mon ami some huge kudos for the greatest financial management of a team I've ever seen. Also, he seems to be a man who doesn't allow himself to get attached to his players. It's a revolving door in la Belle Provence. During the housing boom mira would have made a fortune applying his abilities in flipping houses. So what have we got with the Maroons this season. We've seen Kane Knotts get traded and Santiago Baez leave via FA. They make money, so it's bon voyage. Called up and Rookie of the Year candidate, R.J. Arredondo, as well as earning ML minimum salary, looks to bolster a solid rotation. The line-up is based around power. giant power, nuclear power. But like an overly inflated bodybuilder, it lacks a little finesse. Still, giant power. No real superstars in the order either, looks to be offense by committee. If any of you ever get a chance, go to Montreal, it's a great city, superb, though costly, strip bars. I went to Habs game once, just offf my head on acid (oh the good old days of 10 years ago), what a night.
Defense: C Not deep in talented glovemen
Offense: B- Tons of long balls, mmmmm...longballs
Pitching: B++ Great top end SP
Prediction: 96-56, 2nd



Milwaukee Ueckers
105-57, 2nd
The King of the Bend'emover is at again. Never content, always active on the trade front, always able to extract maximum value for minimal loss. Advantage: fuck you. Seems the Uecks have mainly seen losses at the ML talent wise this season. Bolstering his future, fg dealt Mac Collins, Julius Neal, and Sammy Diaz, and the eye-raising release of Aaron Spahn. Some mild FA signings fill the gaps. A formidable rotation, and very adept fielders will ensure that opponents have a tough time scoring runs, which is good because the offense, while very competent, isn't necessarily overwhelming. Perez is a God though, and didn't cost much. Two new studs in the minors. Fuck.
Defense: A+ Great where it should be, solid everywhere else.
Offense: B+ Perez is the anchor
Pithcing: A+ Rotation makes me puke
Prediction: 100-62, 1st




Portland Stoudemire's
66-96, 3rd
Hey domi, look, it's me! Over here...no, here...look...I'm waving my hands frantically and jumping up and done! Do you see me...right in front...ah, fuck it.
Defense: B- Pretty good for a domi team.
Offense: B Singleton, Iorg, Borbon plus solids
Pitching: C++ Cordero, couple others, not deep
Prediction: 84-78, 3rd (and a pat on the back, for good work on what has been a terrible team for a terribly long time)

NL West S13 Preview

Here we go!  The division everyone has been waiting for!!  The mother fucking NL WEST!!!

Colorado Swingers: 92-70 in S12, 3rd in division, Wild Card
Yes, that is correct, it took 92 wins to get 3rd place in this division, a win total that would have won the North or South, and tied for 1st in the East.  Although, the Swingers only won 66 games the season before.  The year before that they had 85 wins.  What the fuck happened in S11?  Quiet tanking?  A couple of important injuries?  I don't care enough to look that up.  They got Wesley Howry this season, and he is thanking the baseball gods that his gb/fb rating is 96.  But other than that, it was a very quiet offseason for the Swingers.  Strickland, Nakajima, Serrano, Iorg, Hoss, all of those jerks are still in the locker room, acting as the team leaders. 
Offense: C+
Defense: B
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 85-77, 3rd

Albuquerque Sandias: 95-67, 2nd in division, Wild Card
I just noticed we had a similar down season back in S8 that fits the same pattern Colorado had during their S11.  So clearly they weren't quietly tanking.  They were working their asses off, just like we were.  Yeah.  I don't know what my prediction is for this team.  Even with Jumbo last year, we got bounced from the playoffs pretty early.  We couldn't afford him, and had to spend $20M to keep Rico.  The offense is still quite solid with Buck, Alex, Alarcon, Avila, Dickinson, Cairo, etc.  We've completely restructured our catching group, bringing up Jason Ellis from the minors, while pretending Ethan Ross and Morgan Anderson are catchers.  The rotation is Rico, Stewart, Mesa, Javier and Adams.  If any of them goes down with an injury, we're fucked.  Defensively, we're okay.  Not great, but okay.  Fuck, I hate my team already.
Offense: A+++
Defense: C
Pitching: B if everyone stays healthy, D- if one guy gets hurt
Prediction: 90-72, 2nd

Salem Ownage: 99-63 in S12, 1st in division
Losing Singleton has to hurt.  Trading Greenberg and Collins and Boyer and Saez and Tarasco has to hurt.  Right?  Right!?  Then Aaron Spahn falls in Salem's lap, and everyone in the West lets out a groan.  The pitching is still decent with Wohlers and Stern and a few others.  They still have Ramirez and Dali and Porter at the plate, and now Spahn.  I really want them to take a step backwards this season.  I mean you can't trade that many pieces and still win 90 games.  You just can't.  Right?
Offense: A
Defense: B+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 80-82, 4th

Boise Freedom Fries: 83-79 in S12, 4th in division
A new owner for the first time in 8 seasons, bobkordecki tries to push these guys into the playoffs for the first time in franchise history.  And right off the bat he makes a splash by signing Travis Shea and Kent Rivera.  He works a trade that brings Chang and McGlinchy from Memphis, and suddenly we've got ourselves a playoff contenduh.  Pedro is still there (for this season at least) and Tommy Simon is still there.  bob ain't fucking around. 
Offense: B
Defense: A-
Pitching: B
Prediction: 92-60, 1st