All the World News that's unfit for print.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
NL North
Iowa City Corn-ish Hens
A greatly revamped defense stands out from last year's squad, but pitching seems to have taken a slight step back. some middle level FA signings, could see a slight improvement record-wise. Mmmmm cornish hens, little thai green curry rub, simply roast, pull the meat and serve with a coconut lemongrass based broth with rice noodles, veg, basil and peanuts. Damn tasty.
Defense: B-
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 72-90
Cincinnati Red Thumpers
I'm not going to lie, pitching sucks in the NL. Another weak staff, another batting line-up much better against lefties. Not a lot of defense either. 54 mil payroll means the 60/40 rule is safe, but 60 wins might be the best it can do. Hmm, where is statman anyways.
Defense: C
Offense: C+
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 60-102
Helena Homies
While unable to repeat, making two straight World Series is pretty impressive. NL MVP Stuart Taylor had an astonishing 173 RBIs. Not sure they can reach those heights this season, and the pitching still looks a few arms short. not sure why Chris Clarke remains unassigned, but I ain't running the Homies, hom's.
Defense: C
Offense: B+
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 91-71
New Britain Rock Cats
Where did you go bbmogul? With what happened to sagacious, I don't like seeing owners just stop checking their teams, can't be good. But we welcome macwetherbee who steps into a mess. Next seasons top draft slot looks to be a lock if jshirley works his magic. Just a roster full of not much. At least 60/40 is safe.
Defense: C-
Offense: C
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 54-108
Ok, I did this while texting Baby Mama as she thinks her water may have broke. Hence the brevity and focus on the teams as opposed to my usual nonsensical, stream of conscious ramblings. It might be a false alarm but you never know.
Iowa City Corn-ish Hens
A greatly revamped defense stands out from last year's squad, but pitching seems to have taken a slight step back. some middle level FA signings, could see a slight improvement record-wise. Mmmmm cornish hens, little thai green curry rub, simply roast, pull the meat and serve with a coconut lemongrass based broth with rice noodles, veg, basil and peanuts. Damn tasty.
Defense: B-
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 72-90
Cincinnati Red Thumpers
I'm not going to lie, pitching sucks in the NL. Another weak staff, another batting line-up much better against lefties. Not a lot of defense either. 54 mil payroll means the 60/40 rule is safe, but 60 wins might be the best it can do. Hmm, where is statman anyways.
Defense: C
Offense: C+
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 60-102
Helena Homies
While unable to repeat, making two straight World Series is pretty impressive. NL MVP Stuart Taylor had an astonishing 173 RBIs. Not sure they can reach those heights this season, and the pitching still looks a few arms short. not sure why Chris Clarke remains unassigned, but I ain't running the Homies, hom's.
Defense: C
Offense: B+
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 91-71
New Britain Rock Cats
Where did you go bbmogul? With what happened to sagacious, I don't like seeing owners just stop checking their teams, can't be good. But we welcome macwetherbee who steps into a mess. Next seasons top draft slot looks to be a lock if jshirley works his magic. Just a roster full of not much. At least 60/40 is safe.
Defense: C-
Offense: C
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 54-108
Ok, I did this while texting Baby Mama as she thinks her water may have broke. Hence the brevity and focus on the teams as opposed to my usual nonsensical, stream of conscious ramblings. It might be a false alarm but you never know.
NL East
St. Louis Oxbows
Another one of the few teams i saw correctly, or more accurately, the sim saw correctly. With a payroll approaching 130 million clams, hopes are high in the Gateway City. St. Lou added big time basher Alex Avila and his lifetime 1.104 OPS (which plummets to .690 in 50 career playoff games, that's my fault, he used to play on that monster team i had a few seasons back), and fading 37yr old Tex Lombardi. The team is stronger than last season in the field, and is an NL World Series contender.
Defense: B-
Offense: A
Pitching: B+
prediction 100-62
Rochester Red Wings
Again, big thanks to firesign for stepping and coming back. Not a bad team to step into either. A little tinkering but essentially the same team that won the division last year. Might be a challenge to win it again. Offense might be a little on the light side. Just sayin'.
Defense: B-
Offense: C+
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 88-74
Boston Massacre
Another team that has added a few aging vets, and we might even be seeing the swan song of former stud Geronimo Cruz. Not an earth shaking ML roster looks to be a season of "also ran" status. Will win more than it loses but definitely distinguished by no single outstanding factor.
Defense: B
Offense: B
Pitching: C
Prediction: 82-80
Baltimore Terrapins
The Road to Redemption continues. A seventh straight losing streak never materialized, as the Terrapins finished just four wins shy of my prediction. A pretty good collection of fielders behind a non saliva inducing staff. Only FA signing was Louie Vidal, who's a better hitter than Lunsford despite vastly inferior ratings (I hate this game). I see another season like the last one, but i could be wrong. As the French say, only time will tell.
Defense: A
Offense: B-
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 87-75
St. Louis Oxbows
Another one of the few teams i saw correctly, or more accurately, the sim saw correctly. With a payroll approaching 130 million clams, hopes are high in the Gateway City. St. Lou added big time basher Alex Avila and his lifetime 1.104 OPS (which plummets to .690 in 50 career playoff games, that's my fault, he used to play on that monster team i had a few seasons back), and fading 37yr old Tex Lombardi. The team is stronger than last season in the field, and is an NL World Series contender.
Defense: B-
Offense: A
Pitching: B+
prediction 100-62
Rochester Red Wings
Again, big thanks to firesign for stepping and coming back. Not a bad team to step into either. A little tinkering but essentially the same team that won the division last year. Might be a challenge to win it again. Offense might be a little on the light side. Just sayin'.
Defense: B-
Offense: C+
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 88-74
Boston Massacre
Another team that has added a few aging vets, and we might even be seeing the swan song of former stud Geronimo Cruz. Not an earth shaking ML roster looks to be a season of "also ran" status. Will win more than it loses but definitely distinguished by no single outstanding factor.
Defense: B
Offense: B
Pitching: C
Prediction: 82-80
Baltimore Terrapins
The Road to Redemption continues. A seventh straight losing streak never materialized, as the Terrapins finished just four wins shy of my prediction. A pretty good collection of fielders behind a non saliva inducing staff. Only FA signing was Louie Vidal, who's a better hitter than Lunsford despite vastly inferior ratings (I hate this game). I see another season like the last one, but i could be wrong. As the French say, only time will tell.
Defense: A
Offense: B-
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 87-75
Monday, April 2, 2012
Half of the NL preview
Last season my predictions were so fucking wrong I almost quit HBD altogether. After this much money and thinking that the higher the ratings the better, I am now feeling totally bamboozled. Plus Admin. is sabotaging my teams. The PI I hired confirmed this form. I'm organizing a team of moderately priced lawyers and we are going to sue the flip-flops off these bastards.
The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions but expecting a different result (doesn't it make more sense the other way around?). If that's the case call me a certified nutbar wacko. And so, may I present to the assembled, the
SEASON 17 TEAM PREVIEWS
(BTW-Albuquerque+hottie google search introduced me to some tranny with that name at lot of pics of dicks in the ass of a chick with a cock, the horror, oh the horror)
Colorado Swingers
NL West
The fake man and not an actual legend, Mr. Albert "Mr. BPF" Cairo, returns for a probable last kick at the can. Joining the 38 yr old in the Snowy Hills Nursing Home For Former Stars are Flash Bass (35), Dick Iorg (34), Victor Molina (37) and Matty Tejera (33). Holy crap Aaron Spahn (36) is also on the squad. There will be oxygen on the bench and every Sunday night there's a massive bridge tournament. Thursday is shuffle board and crafting. Pitching and defense are not the strong points with this team, and even with the new old additions, offense is only slightly upgraded from last season.
Defense: C
Offense: B-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 73-89
Boise Freedom Fries
To a lesser degree, Boise has also added some older world notables in Dean Crosby, Don Boskie, Juan Mercado, and Sammy Lee. Also picked up Ken Wehner in a deal with Atlanta. Despite the age, this ain't a bad team. No glaring weakness and high level of skill competence. But I thought that last season and this team lost 16 games more than I predicted.
Defense: B
Offense: B
Pitching: B
Prediction: 89-73
Anaheim River Rats
I predicted 63 wins last season, they won 91. I don't know how. mpank might be a genius. I see a slightly better team so are they going to win 100 games. No. Two most notable acquisitions are David Canseco (FA) and Dan Watkins (trade). Throw Willie Mota in the mix as well as a couple other competent additions and I still see a team that shouldn't win 90 games. Work that mojo, mpank.
Defense: B
Offense: C+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 74-88
Albuquerque Sandias
*(Update: Mama might be starting the whole pushing a small human out)*
Here's another example of me not having a clue what the fuck I'm talking about. I predicted 95 wins, the Sandias pulled out a whopping 77. Strange to see a player still in his prime, agree to a 50% pay cut but that's what Alex Pizarro did. Starting to notice a trend in HBD, where owners team pitching staff's split ratings are getting lower. 80 control/60/60 guys seem to be more coveted if you cant have 80/80/80 guys. It's those pitchers in between that cause so much vexation. 70 is a dangerous rating number. Still good defense and very good offense, pitching has control but is a prime example of the split shift. Doesn't look menacing but we shall see. lots of top end talent overall, but some depth issues.
Defense: B
Offense: A
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 88-74
NL South
Atlanta Bullochs
Predicted 92 wins, won 76. Was y'all just fucking with me, or what? No FA signings and a couple of minor deals leaves this team much as it was. Great defense to back up decent pitching, but holes elsewhere. Line up features some pop, but not much else. Only 25 mil in payroll but the 60/40 Rule looks safe.
Defense: A+
Offense: C
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 74-88
New Orleans Posse
Looking for another season of status quo. One of the few teams where the record prediction pretty much panned out. Maybe i have an eye for mediocrity. No FA signings, no trades. Not what anyone would call a stunning group on the field. The bats have some jack.
Defense: C-
Offense: B-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 70-92
Jackson Generals
The NL South is very stand pat division, another team with no FAs and no trades (Jacksonville, same thing). Potent line-up featuring beast Emil Manuel, Terry Green, and Alex Santiago. Though glovework is sub-par, especially at SS, this is very dangerous team. Runs shouldn't be a problem and the staff should limit the amount of chances the fielders will have to deal with.
Defense: C-
Offense: A
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 94-70
Jacksonville Jimmies
Another trend becoming apparent is the v/R split on hitters is often lower than the v/Ls. This is happening in a lot of worlds. You see a lot of 70/60 guys, far more than 60/70, which seems odd since in the real world, lefty pitchers are coveted. This team's line-up is a perfect example of that. Pitching looks like it might have some control issues. Looks like a classic .500 team even with potential future Cy winner Ryan Crawford. Could this be the sixth straight losing season in Florida?
Defense: C+
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 81-81
Taking a break....
The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions but expecting a different result (doesn't it make more sense the other way around?). If that's the case call me a certified nutbar wacko. And so, may I present to the assembled, the
SEASON 17 TEAM PREVIEWS
(BTW-Albuquerque+hottie google search introduced me to some tranny with that name at lot of pics of dicks in the ass of a chick with a cock, the horror, oh the horror)
Colorado Swingers
NL West
The fake man and not an actual legend, Mr. Albert "Mr. BPF" Cairo, returns for a probable last kick at the can. Joining the 38 yr old in the Snowy Hills Nursing Home For Former Stars are Flash Bass (35), Dick Iorg (34), Victor Molina (37) and Matty Tejera (33). Holy crap Aaron Spahn (36) is also on the squad. There will be oxygen on the bench and every Sunday night there's a massive bridge tournament. Thursday is shuffle board and crafting. Pitching and defense are not the strong points with this team, and even with the new old additions, offense is only slightly upgraded from last season.
Defense: C
Offense: B-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 73-89
Boise Freedom Fries
To a lesser degree, Boise has also added some older world notables in Dean Crosby, Don Boskie, Juan Mercado, and Sammy Lee. Also picked up Ken Wehner in a deal with Atlanta. Despite the age, this ain't a bad team. No glaring weakness and high level of skill competence. But I thought that last season and this team lost 16 games more than I predicted.
Defense: B
Offense: B
Pitching: B
Prediction: 89-73
Anaheim River Rats
I predicted 63 wins last season, they won 91. I don't know how. mpank might be a genius. I see a slightly better team so are they going to win 100 games. No. Two most notable acquisitions are David Canseco (FA) and Dan Watkins (trade). Throw Willie Mota in the mix as well as a couple other competent additions and I still see a team that shouldn't win 90 games. Work that mojo, mpank.
Defense: B
Offense: C+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 74-88
Albuquerque Sandias
*(Update: Mama might be starting the whole pushing a small human out)*
Here's another example of me not having a clue what the fuck I'm talking about. I predicted 95 wins, the Sandias pulled out a whopping 77. Strange to see a player still in his prime, agree to a 50% pay cut but that's what Alex Pizarro did. Starting to notice a trend in HBD, where owners team pitching staff's split ratings are getting lower. 80 control/60/60 guys seem to be more coveted if you cant have 80/80/80 guys. It's those pitchers in between that cause so much vexation. 70 is a dangerous rating number. Still good defense and very good offense, pitching has control but is a prime example of the split shift. Doesn't look menacing but we shall see. lots of top end talent overall, but some depth issues.
Defense: B
Offense: A
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 88-74
NL South
Atlanta Bullochs
Predicted 92 wins, won 76. Was y'all just fucking with me, or what? No FA signings and a couple of minor deals leaves this team much as it was. Great defense to back up decent pitching, but holes elsewhere. Line up features some pop, but not much else. Only 25 mil in payroll but the 60/40 Rule looks safe.
Defense: A+
Offense: C
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 74-88
New Orleans Posse
Looking for another season of status quo. One of the few teams where the record prediction pretty much panned out. Maybe i have an eye for mediocrity. No FA signings, no trades. Not what anyone would call a stunning group on the field. The bats have some jack.
Defense: C-
Offense: B-
Pitching: C
Prediction: 70-92
Jackson Generals
The NL South is very stand pat division, another team with no FAs and no trades (Jacksonville, same thing). Potent line-up featuring beast Emil Manuel, Terry Green, and Alex Santiago. Though glovework is sub-par, especially at SS, this is very dangerous team. Runs shouldn't be a problem and the staff should limit the amount of chances the fielders will have to deal with.
Defense: C-
Offense: A
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 94-70
Jacksonville Jimmies
Another trend becoming apparent is the v/R split on hitters is often lower than the v/Ls. This is happening in a lot of worlds. You see a lot of 70/60 guys, far more than 60/70, which seems odd since in the real world, lefty pitchers are coveted. This team's line-up is a perfect example of that. Pitching looks like it might have some control issues. Looks like a classic .500 team even with potential future Cy winner Ryan Crawford. Could this be the sixth straight losing season in Florida?
Defense: C+
Offense: C+
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 81-81
Taking a break....
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Miranda Kerr Welcomes Season 17
Miranda Kerr, Randy as I call her, while pulling her hair as I pound her tight,velvety poonany (true story), may just be the new world ooficial mascot. At least until someone hotter comes up. Anyways welcome to Season 17, former ladies and current gentlemen. So far the rules instituted a couple seasons back haven't been an issue. They've looked like they'd be issues mid-season, but teams have been able to make the 60/40 rule every time. Looks like we've lost BBmogul, but we jwelcome jshirley and jmarkey. If Lunsford and Cormier are still sucking by mid-season I will be willing to get them the hell off my team, upon which they will immediately flourish. Or I could just keep them and they can have shitty ass stats. Too bad you can't actually embarrass the fake players. Anyways here some pics of Miranda Kerr, take a good look at them and then look at your wife, and mutter quietly to your self "Fuck".
Monday, February 27, 2012
Winter is the Cruelest Season
May our daughters exercise better judgement, but thank god for other parents hot idiots.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Who Are We?
Looking at the information I have gathered, I already know this won't be as exciting as I wanted it to be. 25 of our 32 owners responded with their info, which I then combined with their win %, world series championships, and my own personal "nice guy" rating. No, you don't get to know what your Nice Guy rating was, although some of you can guess. I broke down the world into various geographical locations: Mid-Atlantic/Northeast, Midwest, South, West, and Foreign. I like the sound of "foreign" better than "Canadia." What I was really hoping for was that some stereotypes would play out exactly the way you think they would. The southerners would be really nice, but really dumb. The west coasters would be dicks (okay, that one played out the way I wanted it to) but pretty good at the game. The Mid-Atlantic/Northeast guys would be just all around great guys with dozens of WS championships under their belts.
The South is our largest demo. I had ten guys tell me that they are from various locations in the south. ghutton and jubs might even live next door to each other. The South is full of some pricks, and their combined win percentage is .50433, which isn't great, but it's not horrible either (as you'll see shortly). As a group, they have just shy of 2 World Series championships each, as they have 19 total. That's actually the best ratio in the world. Go figure.
The West is our next largest group, with six guys fessing up to being from that area. Lots of Seattle assholes. A combined winning percentage of .51392, but only 7 World Series championships between them. And they did grade out as being the worst in the Nice Guy category.
The next group of note is the Mid-Atlantic/Northeastern group. I had to group them together because we only have one guy in the northeast, and I didn't want him to be too lonely, so he gets combined with the DC/MD/Philly guys. We are actually quite dumb at this game, with a combined winning percentage of .50106, but a whopping 7 World Series championships between the four of us. So when we do well, we do really well. And when we suck, we really suck. Which gives us that amazing .500 record. We're not quite the nicest guys, but we're far from being the west coast.
Behind that group is the Midwest. That did kind of work out the way I wanted it to. They're all really nice. On a scale of 1 to 5 for the Nice Guy rating, they're all 1's. But their combined winning percentage is .47999 and they have 1 World Series championship between the three of them. But they're really nice guys. Aw shucks.
Then there are the two foreigners. Assholes. A .54347 winning percentage and 3 World Series between the two of them. Cam, you're bringing down ruffles. If you would move out of Canada, he would go down as the nicest and most successful HBD owner ever.
The South is our largest demo. I had ten guys tell me that they are from various locations in the south. ghutton and jubs might even live next door to each other. The South is full of some pricks, and their combined win percentage is .50433, which isn't great, but it's not horrible either (as you'll see shortly). As a group, they have just shy of 2 World Series championships each, as they have 19 total. That's actually the best ratio in the world. Go figure.
The West is our next largest group, with six guys fessing up to being from that area. Lots of Seattle assholes. A combined winning percentage of .51392, but only 7 World Series championships between them. And they did grade out as being the worst in the Nice Guy category.
The next group of note is the Mid-Atlantic/Northeastern group. I had to group them together because we only have one guy in the northeast, and I didn't want him to be too lonely, so he gets combined with the DC/MD/Philly guys. We are actually quite dumb at this game, with a combined winning percentage of .50106, but a whopping 7 World Series championships between the four of us. So when we do well, we do really well. And when we suck, we really suck. Which gives us that amazing .500 record. We're not quite the nicest guys, but we're far from being the west coast.
Behind that group is the Midwest. That did kind of work out the way I wanted it to. They're all really nice. On a scale of 1 to 5 for the Nice Guy rating, they're all 1's. But their combined winning percentage is .47999 and they have 1 World Series championship between the three of them. But they're really nice guys. Aw shucks.
Then there are the two foreigners. Assholes. A .54347 winning percentage and 3 World Series between the two of them. Cam, you're bringing down ruffles. If you would move out of Canada, he would go down as the nicest and most successful HBD owner ever.
Monday, January 9, 2012
AL Preview
I bought my wife the Hero GoPro2 camera for her birthday earlier this month, and of course she has barely touched it or made use of its technology. I think she shot about five minutes worth of crappy skiing footage when we were in Tahoe, but otherwise it has sat in the box. So instead, I flip through youtube looking for what the camera is supposed to be used for, and each shitty AL division gets a video. This exercise should be good for me, because I almost forgot we had an AL. We have a team in New York?!?
AL North -
Fargo Fainting Goats: 79-83 last year, 3rd in the division.
I love teams whose best players are defensive specialists, who can also hit the ball. Denny Li and Craig Allensworth fit that bill, and they're both former high draft picks. Especially Li, I mean look at the bags under his eyes, he is such a pot head. And I am fascinated with Allensworth's contract. He's only 25, but already making $8.8M this year. After getting passed around like the town pump for a few years, he finally settled in Fargo, and they decided to skip arbitration altogether, and just sign him to a "long term deal." But it's only three years. And this is the second year. Let's assume he picks up a few more ratings points, and doesn't suffer any huge injuries. After S17, he could be a free agent in the upper 80's overall, turning 27 as he goes into S18, and demanding a huge chunk of change from someone. Have we ever had a top free agent that young? Although it'll be a moot point if Fargo can resign him next season. Anyway....a lot of defense on this squad, and some good pitching, but the batting is average at best after Craig.
Hitting: C
Pitching: B
Fielding: A
Prediction: 80 wins
Montreal Maroons:109-53 last year, 1st in the division, lost early in the playoffs.
After winning the world series in S14, Montreal upped their win total by 11 games, and then promptly shit the bed in the playoffs. Since I hate this team and how it was put together, I'm fine with that. It takes a lot of patience to hover around .500 for five or six years while getting rid of old guys with big contracts, and throwing money into the IFA market in the hopes that you hit it big, so you have to applaud mira for that. And keeping the team far away from 100 losses while running player salary budgets between 15 and 25 million dollars for the better part of a decade, that takes some skill as well. Working a million trades to get the kind of squad that you want takes a lot of time and patience also, as most of Montreal's first round draft picks and $15M+ IFA's are no longer with the franchise. OK, maybe I can't hate the way this team was put together. But I can hate that they are really good, while only spending $65M in payroll this year. Hey, dummies, stop trading with mira! He only has two guys on his entire ML roster who are 30yo. Meanwhile he has eight who are 25 or younger.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A
Prediction: 100 wins
Milwaukee Ueckers: 93-69 last year, won the DCS before getting knocked out of the ALCS. Some big names on the roster, like Choo, Santana, Matthews, Baez, Jumbo, etc. A lot of guys who have been on my team at one time or another, with Mendez, Hoffman, Cross, Ashley, and Jumbo. As always, fg spent the offseason tinkering with his team, making six trades and signing a couple of free agents. And as always, I hope for the worst. Would it be a fair comparison to say that Milwaukee and Montreal are to BPF as the Yankees and Red Sox are to MLB? They're even in the same division! But which is which? Or does it matter?
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 99 wins
Minnesota Purple People Eaters: 77-85 after taking over for domi last season. One game improvement over domi's previous season, and 100 IQ points improvement. Congrats, ruffles! If Milwaukee and Montreal are the Yankees and the Red Sox, would that make Minnesota the Rays? Could they sneak in and knock out the Red Sox? They have some talent, especially on the mound. The question is if they can keep up with Milwaukee's and Montreal's offenses. Not likely. But they'll put in a good effort.
Hitting: C+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: D
Prediction: 85 wins
Chicago Black Holes: 81-81 last season, after three straight 100+ win seasons, and two 90+ win seasons before that. Hmmmm. The same astronomical budget as the last few seasons, with currently $121M going towards salaries. Studs at the top end, some good glue guys in the middle, you'd be crazy to not pick Chicago in this division. Dummy is still an ace, even at 36 years of age. Campos, Ortiz, and Julio anchor the bats, and their defense isn't horrible.
Hitting: A-
Pitching: A-
Fielding: B
Prediction: 90 wins
New York Yankees: devon and I started playing HBD around the same time, yet he has 25 more seasons than I do at this point. I don't really have a point there, just sayin'. NY might be a perfect example for young HBD owners as to how you can win a World Series, have your team get old on you, and then rebuild without going completely in the shitter and posting five 100 loss seasons. One sub .400 season, a slow decline in salaries, and now the Yanks are back to being a playoff contender. Well, maybe another year. Some studs in AA and AAA will make appearances down the road, and these guys will be back in the hunt.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: D
Prediction: 75 wins
Wichita Prairie Dogs: 67-95 last season, the Dogs are hoping to get back up near .500 this season. This franchise has never ever made the playoffs. Not once. Despite hawkeye spending $100M every season for nearly 10 years. That's rough. If you're spending that much money, and not going anywhere.....might be a sign that you should maybe go a different direction. Put that money into IFA's or something. Kev has scaled back the spending a bit, and the team is still decent. Will they finally compete for a playoff spot? Nope. But Cross and White (former Toreros/Sandias) will keep things entertaining with Forrester and Calles, so the stadium won't be entirely empty.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 70 wins
Louisville Madness: Hey, jubs is back. Well jonboy had a couple of decent seasons with this squad, before really fucking them up the last couple of seasons. He started out with a bunch of salaries, and he was winning. He decided to slash payroll, and his record went in the crapper. Go up a few paragraphs to the Yankees. You don't have to cut your payroll in half in order to "rebuild." But jonboy has a career .535 record and 7 WS titles, so maybe I'm the one who doesn't know anything. Anyway, this team is an abortion gone wrong. There's blood everywhere, what looks like dog shit in the corner, and everything smells like burned hair. Try to stay above 40 wins this season jubs.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C-
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 45 wins
AL South -
Houston Colt 45s: Very quietly, joe has been putting together a solid squad in Houston. Nearly 100 losses in S11, then a division win, now he's up to 100 wins in S15 and has a good start so far this year. Cam, I will see your argument about Pizzaro being overpaid, and raise you a Alejandro Lee. $20M? Seriously? And he has two more years of that? Goodness. But the pitching staff is full of studs, the hitting is well above average, and the fielding isn't going to let them down either. Do I like them more than Milwaukee and Montreal and Chicago? Well I definitely like them more, but dunno if I like them in the WS.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 100 wins
Florida Fire: It still makes me giggle that misterfresh orchestrated a bunch of trade rapes, sacrificed the future of the franchise in order to "win right now" with other trades (Bill Lowe for Rico Rivera and Steven Parrish for Andrew Cross), then he bailed after three unsuccessful seasons, and Sved won two World Series in a row with his team. A couple of down seasons in a row, ghutton has moved Florida into the front of the pack again, winning 197 games over the last two seasons, including a WS appearance last year. Studs from top to bottom, it sucks these guys are in the same division as Houston. Or does it suck for Houston? Coin toss.
Hitting: A+
Pitching: A-
Fielding: A
Prediction: 99 wins
Richmond Informers: 74-88 last year, they've been up and down ever since carver took over in S6. If you win the division in S13 and then nearly lose 100 games in S14, you're not exactly in line for the Consistency Award. I just made that up, but there will be a CA going forward. A couple of decent pieces on the ML roster, like Bryne, Tavarez, Park, White, and Hodges. What's the over/under on how far into the season Mesa makes it before he actually dies? From spring training to opening day, he lost two points in control and vL, 3 points in vR, his GB/FB, and his 1st pitch. Goodness.
Hitting: C
Pitching: B
Fielding: C-
Prediction: 75 wins
Memphis Dead Elvi: Starting the season 1-14 at the time of this writing, the Dead Elvi are not exactly looking like World Series contenders. Did you know that this past weekend was Elvis' birthday? Sergei is pissing on his grave and shitting on his birthday cake. Ogea is wishing he had a no-trade clause earlier this year, so he could have vetoed the deal that sent him to Memphis. Serrano is hoping his 12.83 ERA after three starts will be enough to get him shipped out, and he fired his agent after he accepted the Memphis offer sheet during free agency. But all is not lost. There are some good pieces at the plate that could put some things together once they figure it out. Ozuna and Timmons and Casey don't suck. The pitching shouldn't be this bad, with Serrano and Acosta and Rodriguez. And they have arguably the best gloves in all of BPF. So maybe they'll turn it around? Or maybe the ghost of Elvis will march into Memphis and burn down Graceland and the Dead Elvi's stadium.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: A
Prediction: 46 wins, 1 more than Louisville
AL West -
Vancouver Coastals: 73-89 last year, and the payroll has been slashed to a third of what it used to be. This looks very familiar, it looks like seasons 4 through 7. Do you think they'll be spending $100M on player salaries by S20 and getting bounced early in the playoffs? Cormier, Lunsford, Jacquez, Callaspo, Greer and Christman are legit young stars who should anchor this franchise for the next ten years. I don't feel like digging through the rest of the franchise, but I'm sure there are more guys in the minors who can fill in for the old guys once they finally retire/die. cam, you need to play Skyrim more. I'm a level 32 elf at this point. Glass armor and weapons, and I have Lydia wearing elf armor while using a super fancy Blades sword. I am so queer.
Hitting: B+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: A
Prediction: 90 wins
Honolulu Lepers: 70-92 last year, shiish finally punted and gave up on the team. I'd be okay with that, except he then went and picked up a team in Alexander. Seriously? You left this kickass world so you could join Alexander? Isn't that a public world? And the team he took had roughly the same record last season as this team. I don't get it. I bet they don't have tits on their blog. But anyway, ice_rat takes over a rough franchise with a pretty high payroll, despite a bit of a lack of talent on the ML roster. Paying Greenberg $20M doesn't help. The offense is average. Other than Greenberg, the pitching staff isn't too impressive. But they won't make any errors on defense. So they've got that going for them.
Hitting: C-
Pitching: C
Fielding: A
Prediction: 70 wins
Salt Lake City Warriors: The only team that kemosabe owns. Now that is some dedication. 86-76 last year, but missed the playoffs. Only $21M in player salaries, that's impressive. Or something. Some real talent at the top end, but it drops off quickly after that. You could argue that pulling the best 25 guys from the AA and AAA squads would put together a better roster than the ML roster. Hopefully some of those guys in the minors get called up to help Rosado and Vasquez and Maxwell later this year. Until then, hard times.
Hitting: B-
Pitching: C-
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 75 wins
Scottsdale Storm: 304 wins over the last three seasons, after 308 losses in the previous three seasons. McMillon is so happy to be playing for a winning team, he can't properly describe it. Hawksworth, Ayala, Smith, they can hit the shit out of the ball. Last year this team his 289 HR's, I bet they easily get beyond 325 this year. And they have so much depth on the pitching staff, they're actually running tandems because (I'm assuming) they don't want guys with really good stuff being left in the bullpen. It's a good problem to have.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A
Prediction: 100 wins
And since everyone likes girls......
AL North -
Fargo Fainting Goats: 79-83 last year, 3rd in the division.
I love teams whose best players are defensive specialists, who can also hit the ball. Denny Li and Craig Allensworth fit that bill, and they're both former high draft picks. Especially Li, I mean look at the bags under his eyes, he is such a pot head. And I am fascinated with Allensworth's contract. He's only 25, but already making $8.8M this year. After getting passed around like the town pump for a few years, he finally settled in Fargo, and they decided to skip arbitration altogether, and just sign him to a "long term deal." But it's only three years. And this is the second year. Let's assume he picks up a few more ratings points, and doesn't suffer any huge injuries. After S17, he could be a free agent in the upper 80's overall, turning 27 as he goes into S18, and demanding a huge chunk of change from someone. Have we ever had a top free agent that young? Although it'll be a moot point if Fargo can resign him next season. Anyway....a lot of defense on this squad, and some good pitching, but the batting is average at best after Craig.
Hitting: C
Pitching: B
Fielding: A
Prediction: 80 wins
Montreal Maroons:109-53 last year, 1st in the division, lost early in the playoffs.
After winning the world series in S14, Montreal upped their win total by 11 games, and then promptly shit the bed in the playoffs. Since I hate this team and how it was put together, I'm fine with that. It takes a lot of patience to hover around .500 for five or six years while getting rid of old guys with big contracts, and throwing money into the IFA market in the hopes that you hit it big, so you have to applaud mira for that. And keeping the team far away from 100 losses while running player salary budgets between 15 and 25 million dollars for the better part of a decade, that takes some skill as well. Working a million trades to get the kind of squad that you want takes a lot of time and patience also, as most of Montreal's first round draft picks and $15M+ IFA's are no longer with the franchise. OK, maybe I can't hate the way this team was put together. But I can hate that they are really good, while only spending $65M in payroll this year. Hey, dummies, stop trading with mira! He only has two guys on his entire ML roster who are 30yo. Meanwhile he has eight who are 25 or younger.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A
Prediction: 100 wins
Milwaukee Ueckers: 93-69 last year, won the DCS before getting knocked out of the ALCS. Some big names on the roster, like Choo, Santana, Matthews, Baez, Jumbo, etc. A lot of guys who have been on my team at one time or another, with Mendez, Hoffman, Cross, Ashley, and Jumbo. As always, fg spent the offseason tinkering with his team, making six trades and signing a couple of free agents. And as always, I hope for the worst. Would it be a fair comparison to say that Milwaukee and Montreal are to BPF as the Yankees and Red Sox are to MLB? They're even in the same division! But which is which? Or does it matter?
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 99 wins
Minnesota Purple People Eaters: 77-85 after taking over for domi last season. One game improvement over domi's previous season, and 100 IQ points improvement. Congrats, ruffles! If Milwaukee and Montreal are the Yankees and the Red Sox, would that make Minnesota the Rays? Could they sneak in and knock out the Red Sox? They have some talent, especially on the mound. The question is if they can keep up with Milwaukee's and Montreal's offenses. Not likely. But they'll put in a good effort.
Hitting: C+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: D
Prediction: 85 wins
AL East -
Chicago Black Holes: 81-81 last season, after three straight 100+ win seasons, and two 90+ win seasons before that. Hmmmm. The same astronomical budget as the last few seasons, with currently $121M going towards salaries. Studs at the top end, some good glue guys in the middle, you'd be crazy to not pick Chicago in this division. Dummy is still an ace, even at 36 years of age. Campos, Ortiz, and Julio anchor the bats, and their defense isn't horrible.
Hitting: A-
Pitching: A-
Fielding: B
Prediction: 90 wins
New York Yankees: devon and I started playing HBD around the same time, yet he has 25 more seasons than I do at this point. I don't really have a point there, just sayin'. NY might be a perfect example for young HBD owners as to how you can win a World Series, have your team get old on you, and then rebuild without going completely in the shitter and posting five 100 loss seasons. One sub .400 season, a slow decline in salaries, and now the Yanks are back to being a playoff contender. Well, maybe another year. Some studs in AA and AAA will make appearances down the road, and these guys will be back in the hunt.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: D
Prediction: 75 wins
Wichita Prairie Dogs: 67-95 last season, the Dogs are hoping to get back up near .500 this season. This franchise has never ever made the playoffs. Not once. Despite hawkeye spending $100M every season for nearly 10 years. That's rough. If you're spending that much money, and not going anywhere.....might be a sign that you should maybe go a different direction. Put that money into IFA's or something. Kev has scaled back the spending a bit, and the team is still decent. Will they finally compete for a playoff spot? Nope. But Cross and White (former Toreros/Sandias) will keep things entertaining with Forrester and Calles, so the stadium won't be entirely empty.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 70 wins
Louisville Madness: Hey, jubs is back. Well jonboy had a couple of decent seasons with this squad, before really fucking them up the last couple of seasons. He started out with a bunch of salaries, and he was winning. He decided to slash payroll, and his record went in the crapper. Go up a few paragraphs to the Yankees. You don't have to cut your payroll in half in order to "rebuild." But jonboy has a career .535 record and 7 WS titles, so maybe I'm the one who doesn't know anything. Anyway, this team is an abortion gone wrong. There's blood everywhere, what looks like dog shit in the corner, and everything smells like burned hair. Try to stay above 40 wins this season jubs.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C-
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 45 wins
AL South -
Houston Colt 45s: Very quietly, joe has been putting together a solid squad in Houston. Nearly 100 losses in S11, then a division win, now he's up to 100 wins in S15 and has a good start so far this year. Cam, I will see your argument about Pizzaro being overpaid, and raise you a Alejandro Lee. $20M? Seriously? And he has two more years of that? Goodness. But the pitching staff is full of studs, the hitting is well above average, and the fielding isn't going to let them down either. Do I like them more than Milwaukee and Montreal and Chicago? Well I definitely like them more, but dunno if I like them in the WS.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 100 wins
Florida Fire: It still makes me giggle that misterfresh orchestrated a bunch of trade rapes, sacrificed the future of the franchise in order to "win right now" with other trades (Bill Lowe for Rico Rivera and Steven Parrish for Andrew Cross), then he bailed after three unsuccessful seasons, and Sved won two World Series in a row with his team. A couple of down seasons in a row, ghutton has moved Florida into the front of the pack again, winning 197 games over the last two seasons, including a WS appearance last year. Studs from top to bottom, it sucks these guys are in the same division as Houston. Or does it suck for Houston? Coin toss.
Hitting: A+
Pitching: A-
Fielding: A
Prediction: 99 wins
Richmond Informers: 74-88 last year, they've been up and down ever since carver took over in S6. If you win the division in S13 and then nearly lose 100 games in S14, you're not exactly in line for the Consistency Award. I just made that up, but there will be a CA going forward. A couple of decent pieces on the ML roster, like Bryne, Tavarez, Park, White, and Hodges. What's the over/under on how far into the season Mesa makes it before he actually dies? From spring training to opening day, he lost two points in control and vL, 3 points in vR, his GB/FB, and his 1st pitch. Goodness.
Hitting: C
Pitching: B
Fielding: C-
Prediction: 75 wins
Memphis Dead Elvi: Starting the season 1-14 at the time of this writing, the Dead Elvi are not exactly looking like World Series contenders. Did you know that this past weekend was Elvis' birthday? Sergei is pissing on his grave and shitting on his birthday cake. Ogea is wishing he had a no-trade clause earlier this year, so he could have vetoed the deal that sent him to Memphis. Serrano is hoping his 12.83 ERA after three starts will be enough to get him shipped out, and he fired his agent after he accepted the Memphis offer sheet during free agency. But all is not lost. There are some good pieces at the plate that could put some things together once they figure it out. Ozuna and Timmons and Casey don't suck. The pitching shouldn't be this bad, with Serrano and Acosta and Rodriguez. And they have arguably the best gloves in all of BPF. So maybe they'll turn it around? Or maybe the ghost of Elvis will march into Memphis and burn down Graceland and the Dead Elvi's stadium.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: A
Prediction: 46 wins, 1 more than Louisville
AL West -
Vancouver Coastals: 73-89 last year, and the payroll has been slashed to a third of what it used to be. This looks very familiar, it looks like seasons 4 through 7. Do you think they'll be spending $100M on player salaries by S20 and getting bounced early in the playoffs? Cormier, Lunsford, Jacquez, Callaspo, Greer and Christman are legit young stars who should anchor this franchise for the next ten years. I don't feel like digging through the rest of the franchise, but I'm sure there are more guys in the minors who can fill in for the old guys once they finally retire/die. cam, you need to play Skyrim more. I'm a level 32 elf at this point. Glass armor and weapons, and I have Lydia wearing elf armor while using a super fancy Blades sword. I am so queer.
Hitting: B+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: A
Prediction: 90 wins
Honolulu Lepers: 70-92 last year, shiish finally punted and gave up on the team. I'd be okay with that, except he then went and picked up a team in Alexander. Seriously? You left this kickass world so you could join Alexander? Isn't that a public world? And the team he took had roughly the same record last season as this team. I don't get it. I bet they don't have tits on their blog. But anyway, ice_rat takes over a rough franchise with a pretty high payroll, despite a bit of a lack of talent on the ML roster. Paying Greenberg $20M doesn't help. The offense is average. Other than Greenberg, the pitching staff isn't too impressive. But they won't make any errors on defense. So they've got that going for them.
Hitting: C-
Pitching: C
Fielding: A
Prediction: 70 wins
Salt Lake City Warriors: The only team that kemosabe owns. Now that is some dedication. 86-76 last year, but missed the playoffs. Only $21M in player salaries, that's impressive. Or something. Some real talent at the top end, but it drops off quickly after that. You could argue that pulling the best 25 guys from the AA and AAA squads would put together a better roster than the ML roster. Hopefully some of those guys in the minors get called up to help Rosado and Vasquez and Maxwell later this year. Until then, hard times.
Hitting: B-
Pitching: C-
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 75 wins
Scottsdale Storm: 304 wins over the last three seasons, after 308 losses in the previous three seasons. McMillon is so happy to be playing for a winning team, he can't properly describe it. Hawksworth, Ayala, Smith, they can hit the shit out of the ball. Last year this team his 289 HR's, I bet they easily get beyond 325 this year. And they have so much depth on the pitching staff, they're actually running tandems because (I'm assuming) they don't want guys with really good stuff being left in the bullpen. It's a good problem to have.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A
Prediction: 100 wins
And since everyone likes girls......
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