AL North -
Fargo Fainting Goats: 79-83 last year, 3rd in the division.
I love teams whose best players are defensive specialists, who can also hit the ball. Denny Li and Craig Allensworth fit that bill, and they're both former high draft picks. Especially Li, I mean look at the bags under his eyes, he is such a pot head. And I am fascinated with Allensworth's contract. He's only 25, but already making $8.8M this year. After getting passed around like the town pump for a few years, he finally settled in Fargo, and they decided to skip arbitration altogether, and just sign him to a "long term deal." But it's only three years. And this is the second year. Let's assume he picks up a few more ratings points, and doesn't suffer any huge injuries. After S17, he could be a free agent in the upper 80's overall, turning 27 as he goes into S18, and demanding a huge chunk of change from someone. Have we ever had a top free agent that young? Although it'll be a moot point if Fargo can resign him next season. Anyway....a lot of defense on this squad, and some good pitching, but the batting is average at best after Craig.
Hitting: C
Pitching: B
Fielding: A
Prediction: 80 wins
Montreal Maroons:109-53 last year, 1st in the division, lost early in the playoffs.
After winning the world series in S14, Montreal upped their win total by 11 games, and then promptly shit the bed in the playoffs. Since I hate this team and how it was put together, I'm fine with that. It takes a lot of patience to hover around .500 for five or six years while getting rid of old guys with big contracts, and throwing money into the IFA market in the hopes that you hit it big, so you have to applaud mira for that. And keeping the team far away from 100 losses while running player salary budgets between 15 and 25 million dollars for the better part of a decade, that takes some skill as well. Working a million trades to get the kind of squad that you want takes a lot of time and patience also, as most of Montreal's first round draft picks and $15M+ IFA's are no longer with the franchise. OK, maybe I can't hate the way this team was put together. But I can hate that they are really good, while only spending $65M in payroll this year. Hey, dummies, stop trading with mira! He only has two guys on his entire ML roster who are 30yo. Meanwhile he has eight who are 25 or younger.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A
Prediction: 100 wins
Milwaukee Ueckers: 93-69 last year, won the DCS before getting knocked out of the ALCS. Some big names on the roster, like Choo, Santana, Matthews, Baez, Jumbo, etc. A lot of guys who have been on my team at one time or another, with Mendez, Hoffman, Cross, Ashley, and Jumbo. As always, fg spent the offseason tinkering with his team, making six trades and signing a couple of free agents. And as always, I hope for the worst. Would it be a fair comparison to say that Milwaukee and Montreal are to BPF as the Yankees and Red Sox are to MLB? They're even in the same division! But which is which? Or does it matter?
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 99 wins
Minnesota Purple People Eaters: 77-85 after taking over for domi last season. One game improvement over domi's previous season, and 100 IQ points improvement. Congrats, ruffles! If Milwaukee and Montreal are the Yankees and the Red Sox, would that make Minnesota the Rays? Could they sneak in and knock out the Red Sox? They have some talent, especially on the mound. The question is if they can keep up with Milwaukee's and Montreal's offenses. Not likely. But they'll put in a good effort.
Hitting: C+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: D
Prediction: 85 wins
AL East -
Chicago Black Holes: 81-81 last season, after three straight 100+ win seasons, and two 90+ win seasons before that. Hmmmm. The same astronomical budget as the last few seasons, with currently $121M going towards salaries. Studs at the top end, some good glue guys in the middle, you'd be crazy to not pick Chicago in this division. Dummy is still an ace, even at 36 years of age. Campos, Ortiz, and Julio anchor the bats, and their defense isn't horrible.
Hitting: A-
Pitching: A-
Fielding: B
Prediction: 90 wins
New York Yankees: devon and I started playing HBD around the same time, yet he has 25 more seasons than I do at this point. I don't really have a point there, just sayin'. NY might be a perfect example for young HBD owners as to how you can win a World Series, have your team get old on you, and then rebuild without going completely in the shitter and posting five 100 loss seasons. One sub .400 season, a slow decline in salaries, and now the Yanks are back to being a playoff contender. Well, maybe another year. Some studs in AA and AAA will make appearances down the road, and these guys will be back in the hunt.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: D
Prediction: 75 wins
Wichita Prairie Dogs: 67-95 last season, the Dogs are hoping to get back up near .500 this season. This franchise has never ever made the playoffs. Not once. Despite hawkeye spending $100M every season for nearly 10 years. That's rough. If you're spending that much money, and not going anywhere.....might be a sign that you should maybe go a different direction. Put that money into IFA's or something. Kev has scaled back the spending a bit, and the team is still decent. Will they finally compete for a playoff spot? Nope. But Cross and White (former Toreros/Sandias) will keep things entertaining with Forrester and Calles, so the stadium won't be entirely empty.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 70 wins
Louisville Madness: Hey, jubs is back. Well jonboy had a couple of decent seasons with this squad, before really fucking them up the last couple of seasons. He started out with a bunch of salaries, and he was winning. He decided to slash payroll, and his record went in the crapper. Go up a few paragraphs to the Yankees. You don't have to cut your payroll in half in order to "rebuild." But jonboy has a career .535 record and 7 WS titles, so maybe I'm the one who doesn't know anything. Anyway, this team is an abortion gone wrong. There's blood everywhere, what looks like dog shit in the corner, and everything smells like burned hair. Try to stay above 40 wins this season jubs.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C-
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 45 wins
AL South -
Houston Colt 45s: Very quietly, joe has been putting together a solid squad in Houston. Nearly 100 losses in S11, then a division win, now he's up to 100 wins in S15 and has a good start so far this year. Cam, I will see your argument about Pizzaro being overpaid, and raise you a Alejandro Lee. $20M? Seriously? And he has two more years of that? Goodness. But the pitching staff is full of studs, the hitting is well above average, and the fielding isn't going to let them down either. Do I like them more than Milwaukee and Montreal and Chicago? Well I definitely like them more, but dunno if I like them in the WS.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 100 wins
Florida Fire: It still makes me giggle that misterfresh orchestrated a bunch of trade rapes, sacrificed the future of the franchise in order to "win right now" with other trades (Bill Lowe for Rico Rivera and Steven Parrish for Andrew Cross), then he bailed after three unsuccessful seasons, and Sved won two World Series in a row with his team. A couple of down seasons in a row, ghutton has moved Florida into the front of the pack again, winning 197 games over the last two seasons, including a WS appearance last year. Studs from top to bottom, it sucks these guys are in the same division as Houston. Or does it suck for Houston? Coin toss.
Hitting: A+
Pitching: A-
Fielding: A
Prediction: 99 wins
Richmond Informers: 74-88 last year, they've been up and down ever since carver took over in S6. If you win the division in S13 and then nearly lose 100 games in S14, you're not exactly in line for the Consistency Award. I just made that up, but there will be a CA going forward. A couple of decent pieces on the ML roster, like Bryne, Tavarez, Park, White, and Hodges. What's the over/under on how far into the season Mesa makes it before he actually dies? From spring training to opening day, he lost two points in control and vL, 3 points in vR, his GB/FB, and his 1st pitch. Goodness.
Hitting: C
Pitching: B
Fielding: C-
Prediction: 75 wins
Memphis Dead Elvi: Starting the season 1-14 at the time of this writing, the Dead Elvi are not exactly looking like World Series contenders. Did you know that this past weekend was Elvis' birthday? Sergei is pissing on his grave and shitting on his birthday cake. Ogea is wishing he had a no-trade clause earlier this year, so he could have vetoed the deal that sent him to Memphis. Serrano is hoping his 12.83 ERA after three starts will be enough to get him shipped out, and he fired his agent after he accepted the Memphis offer sheet during free agency. But all is not lost. There are some good pieces at the plate that could put some things together once they figure it out. Ozuna and Timmons and Casey don't suck. The pitching shouldn't be this bad, with Serrano and Acosta and Rodriguez. And they have arguably the best gloves in all of BPF. So maybe they'll turn it around? Or maybe the ghost of Elvis will march into Memphis and burn down Graceland and the Dead Elvi's stadium.
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Fielding: A
Prediction: 46 wins, 1 more than Louisville
AL West -
Vancouver Coastals: 73-89 last year, and the payroll has been slashed to a third of what it used to be. This looks very familiar, it looks like seasons 4 through 7. Do you think they'll be spending $100M on player salaries by S20 and getting bounced early in the playoffs? Cormier, Lunsford, Jacquez, Callaspo, Greer and Christman are legit young stars who should anchor this franchise for the next ten years. I don't feel like digging through the rest of the franchise, but I'm sure there are more guys in the minors who can fill in for the old guys once they finally retire/die. cam, you need to play Skyrim more. I'm a level 32 elf at this point. Glass armor and weapons, and I have Lydia wearing elf armor while using a super fancy Blades sword. I am so queer.
Hitting: B+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: A
Prediction: 90 wins
Honolulu Lepers: 70-92 last year, shiish finally punted and gave up on the team. I'd be okay with that, except he then went and picked up a team in Alexander. Seriously? You left this kickass world so you could join Alexander? Isn't that a public world? And the team he took had roughly the same record last season as this team. I don't get it. I bet they don't have tits on their blog. But anyway, ice_rat takes over a rough franchise with a pretty high payroll, despite a bit of a lack of talent on the ML roster. Paying Greenberg $20M doesn't help. The offense is average. Other than Greenberg, the pitching staff isn't too impressive. But they won't make any errors on defense. So they've got that going for them.
Hitting: C-
Pitching: C
Fielding: A
Prediction: 70 wins
Salt Lake City Warriors: The only team that kemosabe owns. Now that is some dedication. 86-76 last year, but missed the playoffs. Only $21M in player salaries, that's impressive. Or something. Some real talent at the top end, but it drops off quickly after that. You could argue that pulling the best 25 guys from the AA and AAA squads would put together a better roster than the ML roster. Hopefully some of those guys in the minors get called up to help Rosado and Vasquez and Maxwell later this year. Until then, hard times.
Hitting: B-
Pitching: C-
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 75 wins
Scottsdale Storm: 304 wins over the last three seasons, after 308 losses in the previous three seasons. McMillon is so happy to be playing for a winning team, he can't properly describe it. Hawksworth, Ayala, Smith, they can hit the shit out of the ball. Last year this team his 289 HR's, I bet they easily get beyond 325 this year. And they have so much depth on the pitching staff, they're actually running tandems because (I'm assuming) they don't want guys with really good stuff being left in the bullpen. It's a good problem to have.
Hitting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A
Prediction: 100 wins
And since everyone likes girls......
No comments:
Post a Comment