Tah-dah!
PS, I ain't proof reading, it's going up as is.
NL West
Colorado Swingers
Hmm, I see a tough season ahead in the high altitude Rockies. The star of the team is Mac Lee, which is kind of sad. Geraldo Saenz anchors a weakish staff, that fortunately is adept at keeping the ball down. Two straight losing seasons look to be followed up by an even bigger losing season. Though HBD seems to be rife with crazy, topsy turvy performances, team and player, over and under, so Colorado could go 162-0 and storm it's way to the World Series. Naaaaaaah, not going to happen. I predict a top 10 pick in season 17. Prove me wrong, bb, prove me wrong. No seriously.
Defense: C
Offense: C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 69-93
Boise Freedom Fries
Who da ho? Idaho! This collection overly over paid spudfuckers (Aramis Valenzuela makes 16.8 mil?(spit take) W.T.F.) wont be an easy win. Very solid defense, and pretty decent arms will keep opponents from running up scores. The offense is strong in contact and splits but weak in power and eye. So if you like to study HBD this is a good team to monitor. BTW, french fries are actually Belgian in origin, coming into being sometime in the 1700s. Now you know. Star of the team: The chick above.
Defense: A
Offense: C+
Pitching: B
Prediction: 86-76
Anaheim River Rats
Luis Sanchez was a rule 5 draftee?! Yikes, that's dirty. Having said that, he's one of the stars of the team. A very good third baseman and alright hitter, but not a superduperstar. Then there's Vidal and Kirk, two almost identical players. Lost 105 games last season securing the first pick in the draft. the rule 5 turned out alright, I'm sure mpank22 is hoping for a doozy. Might flirt with 100 losses again, and a probable top 3 in season 17.
Defense: C
Offense: C
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 63-99
Albuquerque Sandias
I fucking hate Buck fucking Cain. I fucking hate Alex Avila. I fucking hate Rico Rivera. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all. Kind of a shitty record last season for the talent level. Seems to be lock to win the division and see a return to 90 plus wins. The wrolds most expensive platoon hitter Avila might see a few more at bats this season. And another post season vanishing act. I know, he played for me. I destroy players. Look what Lunsford has done for me. Anyhoodle, back to the Sandias. This team has several award candidates and I a few former Coastals. Oh, sorry. Alex Pizarro makes too much money, way too much.
Defense: B
Offense: A
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 95-67
NL South
El Paso Mancos
/>This team should move to Six Flags. It is a rollercoaster, up one season, down the next, up, down, and so on, it just goes on and on. Superstar Babe Quinlan is the focal point of this team, which is a much better squad than the current 2-9 record (at the time of writing) would indicate. Beyond Quinlan, there no real MVP/CY candidates, but solid depth and lots of power bats in the line-up. A rather remarkable feature of the team is quality and depth of defense. These guys will turn the better than average staff into a much, much better than average staff. Of the five teams I've looked at so far, this is one of them.
Defense: A+
Offense: B+
Pitching: B
Prediction: 92-70
New Orleans Posse
So what does 102 million bucks buy? A boatload of underage Thai lady-boys each with an ounce of pure grade opium firmly and surreptitiously ensconced in their rectal sphincters. And this team in the Sunken City. Based upon recent history, without even yet looking at the actual players (this is kind of like recorded live blogging here) I'm going to say about 76-81 wins. Buck Beck and The Other Fellas don't really stand out in any department. Not horrible anywhere, but not overpowering in any department either. It can win the division if other teams falter (as has happened a couple times previously).
Defense: C+
Offense: B-
Pitching: C+
Prediction: 77-85
Jackson Generals
Mercifully Lance Morris is in the final year of his maximum albatross...er...contract. Still a very good player, but suffered a big nasty herniated disk which has greatly reduced his power. Play it out Lance, play it out. As for the rest of the team...they say a good offense is the best defense, which is good for Jackson because they have no defense. Several 80s in the offensive ratings will certainly generate runs though. The pitching is pretty solid as well, if a little weakish against righties.
Defense: C-
Offense: A
Pitching: B
Prediction: 91-71
Jacksonville Jimmies
An excellent AAA team at the ML level and a pretty good ML team in AAA. With call ups coming, this will be a different team than the fiasco we've had in FLA in recent seasons. Ryan Crawford will challenge for Rookie of the Year, and then CY Youngs in the season to come. Malik Nathan is an absolute masher of a hands of stone firstbaseman. Hopefully Enrique Lee and his 15 control will be jettisoned from the ML very, very soon. And hopefully the season doesn't come down to a game or two, with the difference being the record before the call-ups. This will be a formidable pitching staff come game 21.
Defense: B
Offense: B
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 88-74
NL East
St. Louis Oxbows
Yee-haw~ 120 mil payroll! That'll buy a lot of ribs. I'd love to go to St. Lou for ribs. actually I'd love to a whole tour of rib and BBQ shacks a across the South. Loves me that sweet, sticky, fatty shit. This is a pretty good squad, which, considering the payroll, it better damn well be. A very nice rotation and balanced line-up. This season should see another 90+ wins, maybe even break 100.
Defense: C+
Offense: A
Pitching: A
prediction 98-64
Rochester Red Wings
adreid has done a very nice rescue of what had been a dire situation. Not sure if the progress will continue with the squad this season, but there is help on the farm. Humberto Alarcon is the (declining) star of the team. Quite a few fireballers on the staff, matched with very good control. No real superstars or players to watch, just a solid and competitive team.
Defense: B-
Offense: B-
Pitching: B
Prediction: 90-72
Boston Massacre
I don't recognize a single player on this team. Not one. Looks like a decent team, not sure it's World Series quality. A wildcard contender, I s'pose. I wish I could say more but I want to play Skyrim, and I don't know any of the players. Guess I could point out that tom is going with a contact philosophy with his line up.
Defense: B
Offense: B
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 89-73
Baltimore Terrapins
If Hemingway had written a book about this team it would have been called "A Farewell to Suckage". Let the good times roll. Having gone though three quarters of the league I'm seeing a lot of balance. Don't think I've predicted many losing seasons so far. I could scroll up and look, but fuck you.
This looks like another one of them all B department teams with the potential for 85-90 wins. The wildcard race is shaping up to be a beauty.
Defense: B+
Offense: B
Pitching: B
Prediction: 87-75
NL North
Iowa City Corn-ish Hens
Well all these winning teams are going to have to have some consistent victims. Iowa City might be one of those victims. Not that this is a bad team, though the D looks a tad sub-par. Not much power but good effectiveness ratings in the line-up. The pitching is far from awful, with good control and a spot of bother on the fastball. Another team with not a single player name I recognize. I wonder who knows every team in this world best? I'd put my money on fg, followed closely by mira, as their teams act as filters for the worlds young talent.
Defense: C-
Offense: C
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 75-87
Cincinnati Red Thumpers
Family Guy just started so i might get distracted. Gotta say "Sweet Dreams" to the Baby Mama. Then I'll get this bitch well and fucked. I'll leave a big glistening pile between the thighs of what is your team.
Goodness gracious where's the pitching? Wow. There's some control on the staff, but weak, weak effectiveness. Although the sim seems to love 85/65/65 guys. Tend to do better than 75/75/75 guys. In the line-up there's a couple big names, at the beginning of the end of their careers, in Aguilera and Bass. Both are still capable of putting up numbers, and this team will score. The glove at SS isn't bad relatively, but as a whole the D is average.
Defense: C
Offense: B
Pitching: C
Prediction: 70-92
Helena Homies
The defending champions, well la-di-da. Yet another team that was nowhere near as good as the team i used to have here, that would get swept in the playoffs by team's like domi's. Not that I'm bitter. One of the All Time BPF Studs, Dizzy Allen returns as the teams offensive focal point, but he's far from the only weapon in the order. Mix in a very strong set of arms in the rotation and 'pen, you've got enough to cover up a mediocre defense. but then domi always said defense doesn't matter.
Defense: C
Offense: A+
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 103-59
New Britain Rock Cats
Oh, thank gawd, last team to go. You ever going to finish nj, I mean fuck, get'er done, Boy. Where the fuck is New Britain? Must be Connecticut or New Hampshire. I'll have to go there sometime to find out. I wish there was an easier way, say some kind of search engine wherein I type what I'm looking for and pages that have my search words appear. That thing would be worth a google of dollars. Anyfuck, where was i? Oh, yeah New Britain, two straight 100 loss seasons, let's see if we can get her back on track. Well, nope. Kind of like Cincinnati, but worse, the defense and pitching, in particular, leave much to be desired. Over 40 mil in payroll, so the 60 win rule is covered. Good thing.
Defense: D
Offense: C
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 54-108
Well that's that. Don't hate me because I insulted your team, hate me because I'm right.
And here's Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried kissing.
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