All the World News that's unfit for print.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The Hammer Comes Downs
Ok, As the Beloved Commish I have infinite power and absolute authority so listen up fuckers.
Yes, somewhere about season 6-7, I dunno, first season I got active with the blog, we had a situation come up involving cash in trades. i held a poll with three options (1:cash is fine as long as it's not a straight seel off, 2: no cash exceeding salaries, 3: no cash whatsoever). Option 2 prevailed narrowly over option 1. So it was voted and I went with it. If you review my season opening blurbs, and ads in the classifieds, I have mentioned this as our sort of rule.
So to clarify:
Cash in trades cannot exceed the salaries. This should allow trades to proceed where payroll concerns are an issue, but not allow player selling.
The trade earlier amounted to a sell off, though that may not have been the intent. This lastest trade of note is in full compliance.
As a Benevolent Dictator, I reserve, no, I own the right to enact rules and be judge and jury at my own behest and whim.
Carry on.
Yes, somewhere about season 6-7, I dunno, first season I got active with the blog, we had a situation come up involving cash in trades. i held a poll with three options (1:cash is fine as long as it's not a straight seel off, 2: no cash exceeding salaries, 3: no cash whatsoever). Option 2 prevailed narrowly over option 1. So it was voted and I went with it. If you review my season opening blurbs, and ads in the classifieds, I have mentioned this as our sort of rule.
So to clarify:
Cash in trades cannot exceed the salaries. This should allow trades to proceed where payroll concerns are an issue, but not allow player selling.
The trade earlier amounted to a sell off, though that may not have been the intent. This lastest trade of note is in full compliance.
As a Benevolent Dictator, I reserve, no, I own the right to enact rules and be judge and jury at my own behest and whim.
Carry on.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Prospects So Far
We've had our draft and some high-priced IFA's as we quickly approach the mid-point in the season. So who's tearing it up? Who's under-performing? Who wasn't worth the cash?
Number one overall draft pick Stuart Taylor only cost Helena $4M, but he's not a SS as advertised. His range is barely good enough for a 3B, forget about SS/2B/CF. But his batting numbers make him look to be a future stud for Helena, and certainly worth slot money.
What's with these guys who are advertised as being a SS, and then not having the fielding numbers to get there? Craig Allensworth is sooooo close, but I don't see that glove quite getting to where he needs it to be. Maybe 3B/2B/CF? Hitting wise, he ain't too shabby, but that $5.7M price tag just to sign.....well I guess when your ML squad is spending $90M to play sub .500 ball, a team's gotta do what a team's gotta do.
I love when WIS creates guys with two last names. Bronson Stevenson fits the bill perfectly, and he looks like he'll be a decent pitcher for Deeeee-troit. A flame-thrower for an arm, two or three really good pitches, and he's from Rumson, NJ, which means the $3.8M signing bonus was right around what he makes in interest every year on his trust fund.
Shep Robinson was number one on my draft board, and rightly so. He's good. And worth the cash. And he pitched a complete game loss in rookie ball.
Or did I have Vladimir Vasquez as my number one? If he can get near his projections, he's going to be really good. But being 21 already, his window is relatively narrow. But alogman1 won't fuck around. He'll max this kid out, and the AL will be pissed. But I don't believe that he's from America. He should be in the next section.
Finally, a SS who has the ratings potential to actually play the spot! But Alexander Kelley isn't going to blow anyone away with his bat. Although, if he had the defense and the offense, he probably wouldn't have dropped to number six, right? But for slot money, Durham will be very happy with him, even if he's playing like shit in LoA.
Do I want to pick on drew some more, or not? Miguel Cruz.
Not gonna lie, it pisses me off when I see a guy like this go right in front of my pick. Dan Hernandez doesn't have a huge arsenal of pitches, but he still makes me moist. Hawkeye, trade him to me for......
Junior Vasquez. From Ohio? Seriously? If he's from Ohio, I'm from communist China. He's a million miles from his projections, but if he gets them, he'll become my favorite Sandia, with that range and speed and ability to get on base. But I don't think he'll get there, I think he'll come up short. Which is why Hawkeye should trade Hernandez to me for Vasquez.
Ron Goldman Jr, illegitimate son of the Ron Goldman who OJ murdered. Excuse me, OJ was acquitted. Goldman grew up in New Mexico, where he wanted to change his name, but his mother (a former Hollywood stripper) wanted the continuous checks from tabloids who wanted pictures and blood samples from the young boy. Good control and some good pitches, Scottsdale is excited not only about their young pitcher, but about the media attention that he will surely draw.
Besides the draft, we've also had a few expensive IFA's come into our country. The really big story was Austin signing Jolbert Santana for $25.4M, which is nearly the same amount of money as the entire franchise's players salary. Meanwhile, the ML team is 19-55 this season, and Santana is several seasons away from being able to help. The team also thought they were getting a 2B, but his glove doesn't really project out to that of a 2B, but more of a LF/RF type. Fortunately, his bat makes up for his defensive deficiencies, and he should be a big help someday. But wow, couldn't that $25M have been used elsewhere?
Vegas made a nice signing with Hector Molina, a potentially amazing closer. $13.3M for this 19-year-old did blow a good portion of their prospect budget, but they think he's going to be a Fireman of the Year type guy in a few seasons. He's got a solid arm, good control, good pitches.....very solid pickup.
Salt Lake City spent $12M and a spring training invite on Lonny Acosta, who doesn't look great, but doesn't look like a bum either. Worth $12M? Maybe. His control isn't quite what I would want. Doesn't quite have the stamina/durability combo to log a ton of innings. Velocity is lacking, for those who care about that. Two good pitches and good splits. He'll play in the ML someday, I just don't know how effective he'll be.
A big "fuck you" to Durham for signing Jorge Reynoso, as I tried to get the catcher. Great potential as a hitter, and he actually has decent defensive ratings for a catcher, he's not going to be stuck playing DH. So to reiterate. Reynoso will be good. And I hope kscott gets herpes.
Last one, and I really don't care about the guy, but I'm curious. The sim advertised Renyel Rios as a SS. But I see his arm strength maxing out around 65. SS? Really? He'll have the range and the glove and the accuracy to play SS, but the arm strength will be lacking. So maybe CF/2B when he gets to the Bigs.
Number one overall draft pick Stuart Taylor only cost Helena $4M, but he's not a SS as advertised. His range is barely good enough for a 3B, forget about SS/2B/CF. But his batting numbers make him look to be a future stud for Helena, and certainly worth slot money.
What's with these guys who are advertised as being a SS, and then not having the fielding numbers to get there? Craig Allensworth is sooooo close, but I don't see that glove quite getting to where he needs it to be. Maybe 3B/2B/CF? Hitting wise, he ain't too shabby, but that $5.7M price tag just to sign.....well I guess when your ML squad is spending $90M to play sub .500 ball, a team's gotta do what a team's gotta do.
I love when WIS creates guys with two last names. Bronson Stevenson fits the bill perfectly, and he looks like he'll be a decent pitcher for Deeeee-troit. A flame-thrower for an arm, two or three really good pitches, and he's from Rumson, NJ, which means the $3.8M signing bonus was right around what he makes in interest every year on his trust fund.
Shep Robinson was number one on my draft board, and rightly so. He's good. And worth the cash. And he pitched a complete game loss in rookie ball.
Or did I have Vladimir Vasquez as my number one? If he can get near his projections, he's going to be really good. But being 21 already, his window is relatively narrow. But alogman1 won't fuck around. He'll max this kid out, and the AL will be pissed. But I don't believe that he's from America. He should be in the next section.
Finally, a SS who has the ratings potential to actually play the spot! But Alexander Kelley isn't going to blow anyone away with his bat. Although, if he had the defense and the offense, he probably wouldn't have dropped to number six, right? But for slot money, Durham will be very happy with him, even if he's playing like shit in LoA.
Do I want to pick on drew some more, or not? Miguel Cruz.
Not gonna lie, it pisses me off when I see a guy like this go right in front of my pick. Dan Hernandez doesn't have a huge arsenal of pitches, but he still makes me moist. Hawkeye, trade him to me for......
Junior Vasquez. From Ohio? Seriously? If he's from Ohio, I'm from communist China. He's a million miles from his projections, but if he gets them, he'll become my favorite Sandia, with that range and speed and ability to get on base. But I don't think he'll get there, I think he'll come up short. Which is why Hawkeye should trade Hernandez to me for Vasquez.
Ron Goldman Jr, illegitimate son of the Ron Goldman who OJ murdered. Excuse me, OJ was acquitted. Goldman grew up in New Mexico, where he wanted to change his name, but his mother (a former Hollywood stripper) wanted the continuous checks from tabloids who wanted pictures and blood samples from the young boy. Good control and some good pitches, Scottsdale is excited not only about their young pitcher, but about the media attention that he will surely draw.
Besides the draft, we've also had a few expensive IFA's come into our country. The really big story was Austin signing Jolbert Santana for $25.4M, which is nearly the same amount of money as the entire franchise's players salary. Meanwhile, the ML team is 19-55 this season, and Santana is several seasons away from being able to help. The team also thought they were getting a 2B, but his glove doesn't really project out to that of a 2B, but more of a LF/RF type. Fortunately, his bat makes up for his defensive deficiencies, and he should be a big help someday. But wow, couldn't that $25M have been used elsewhere?
Vegas made a nice signing with Hector Molina, a potentially amazing closer. $13.3M for this 19-year-old did blow a good portion of their prospect budget, but they think he's going to be a Fireman of the Year type guy in a few seasons. He's got a solid arm, good control, good pitches.....very solid pickup.
Salt Lake City spent $12M and a spring training invite on Lonny Acosta, who doesn't look great, but doesn't look like a bum either. Worth $12M? Maybe. His control isn't quite what I would want. Doesn't quite have the stamina/durability combo to log a ton of innings. Velocity is lacking, for those who care about that. Two good pitches and good splits. He'll play in the ML someday, I just don't know how effective he'll be.
A big "fuck you" to Durham for signing Jorge Reynoso, as I tried to get the catcher. Great potential as a hitter, and he actually has decent defensive ratings for a catcher, he's not going to be stuck playing DH. So to reiterate. Reynoso will be good. And I hope kscott gets herpes.
Last one, and I really don't care about the guy, but I'm curious. The sim advertised Renyel Rios as a SS. But I see his arm strength maxing out around 65. SS? Really? He'll have the range and the glove and the accuracy to play SS, but the arm strength will be lacking. So maybe CF/2B when he gets to the Bigs.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Punting
We've all done it. I've done it. You've done it. And I know you over there have done it. Yeah, you. Hell, I'm doing it right now in Double Mendoza. I had a stud leave via free agency during the offseason. My pitchers got old. My offense got stale. So before the all-star break, I found myself waving the white flag (why's it gotta be a white flag?) and throwing my best player on the trade block. Now, I'll cut myself a little slack here, because the guy I traded was a FA-to-be, and wasn't going to resign with me. I got two kids who are right around the level of the draft picks I would have gotten for this guy, so it's a bit of a wash. Right now my team is hovering around .400, and is looking at a top 5 draft pick next season, and I've barely paid attention to anything going on with this team for a month. Do I feel like a schmuck for dropping $25 on a season that I barely care about? Very much so. Am I the only one in HBD who has done this? There are probably a half dozen guys in every world, every season, who do this.
(Quick interlude. I'm watching the NFL draft tonight, like every other red-blooded American (sorry camden), and Joe Montana was on the stage at the beginning of everything. Doesn't he look like he could still go out and throw the ball around? And what is he now? 45? 50? But he looks like he could give me a stiff-arm while throwing the ball 50 yards, all while running flat out. And don't get me started on Barry Sanders. OK, back to this retarded post.)
I suppose you see MLB teams doing this in real life. Some of them trade away big contracts and old dudes when they realize that they aren't making the playoffs. Trade your old guys, get some prospects, and play for next season, or five seasons from now. But this isn't MLB, right? Why trade a stud just because your season is going down the crapper? Why not let that guy be the one bright point on your depressing season, and see if you can put some more pieces around him next season?
Perfect example, "Well, this season's shot already. Anybody want Rivera and his 20 million dollar salary? I need a good SP or a lights-out RP. Rivera is having another solid year. Could make a good team great." Why trade your best player? Can you really improve your ML team this year by trading him? At best, you'll get a couple of prospects for him, and your team will suck even more this year. Sure, you're "building for the future." It's a fine line that a lot of owners dance on. In the aforementioned Double Mendoza, there's a guy who played sub .500 ball for six seasons in a row, while putting more money into IFA than salary. This season, he's right around .640 and still has less than $50M in salary. Do I give him any credit for this? Nope. But I'm getting way way off track. This is another topic for another day.
Quick side note. Thank god for spell check. I drink too much.
Sort of on topic, how much does it suck to be completely out of the playoff hunt before we even get to the all-star break? In the AL, Milwaukee and Vancouver are running away with the top two seeds. The East and South are dog fights, and there are about a half dozen teams within five games of the wild card. That ain't bad for 70 games into the season I guess. And it should be noted that the owner who said he wants to trade his best player is part of that group. Hmmmmmmm. The NL is slightly better, with all four divisions being close right now, but the Wild Card isn't quite as tight. It's a long ways to go, but four or five teams are basically out of it already. You sort of have to take Louisville out of that equation. But Durham....Helena.....even New Orleans.....you can all but put a fork in them already. And we already had our draft, so what do they have to look forward to? Minor league playoffs maybe?
This might be the most worthless piece of crap I've ever written. Do I even have a point? Or am I just calling out drew for his stupid statement? Uh-oh....
(Quick interlude. I'm watching the NFL draft tonight, like every other red-blooded American (sorry camden), and Joe Montana was on the stage at the beginning of everything. Doesn't he look like he could still go out and throw the ball around? And what is he now? 45? 50? But he looks like he could give me a stiff-arm while throwing the ball 50 yards, all while running flat out. And don't get me started on Barry Sanders. OK, back to this retarded post.)
I suppose you see MLB teams doing this in real life. Some of them trade away big contracts and old dudes when they realize that they aren't making the playoffs. Trade your old guys, get some prospects, and play for next season, or five seasons from now. But this isn't MLB, right? Why trade a stud just because your season is going down the crapper? Why not let that guy be the one bright point on your depressing season, and see if you can put some more pieces around him next season?
Perfect example, "Well, this season's shot already. Anybody want Rivera and his 20 million dollar salary? I need a good SP or a lights-out RP. Rivera is having another solid year. Could make a good team great." Why trade your best player? Can you really improve your ML team this year by trading him? At best, you'll get a couple of prospects for him, and your team will suck even more this year. Sure, you're "building for the future." It's a fine line that a lot of owners dance on. In the aforementioned Double Mendoza, there's a guy who played sub .500 ball for six seasons in a row, while putting more money into IFA than salary. This season, he's right around .640 and still has less than $50M in salary. Do I give him any credit for this? Nope. But I'm getting way way off track. This is another topic for another day.
Quick side note. Thank god for spell check. I drink too much.
Sort of on topic, how much does it suck to be completely out of the playoff hunt before we even get to the all-star break? In the AL, Milwaukee and Vancouver are running away with the top two seeds. The East and South are dog fights, and there are about a half dozen teams within five games of the wild card. That ain't bad for 70 games into the season I guess. And it should be noted that the owner who said he wants to trade his best player is part of that group. Hmmmmmmm. The NL is slightly better, with all four divisions being close right now, but the Wild Card isn't quite as tight. It's a long ways to go, but four or five teams are basically out of it already. You sort of have to take Louisville out of that equation. But Durham....Helena.....even New Orleans.....you can all but put a fork in them already. And we already had our draft, so what do they have to look forward to? Minor league playoffs maybe?
This might be the most worthless piece of crap I've ever written. Do I even have a point? Or am I just calling out drew for his stupid statement? Uh-oh....
Friday, March 26, 2010
AL: The West, Buttless Chaps A Must! Yeeee-Haw!
Vancouver Coastals
Last season: 103-59/ predicted: 108-54
A chick I'm seeing just sent me a text saying she just picked up two bottles of lube. I'm going to be 42 this year, this chick is 24. I don't know what it is, but I just never meet chicks my own age. In the past few years I have just fucked idiotic numbers of chicks between 19-27 yrs old. I live in a town with something like 7 degree granting colleges and universities, it's just filthy with young women. Anyways, my teams alright, can't wait to get Hideo Suh back. Still I'm anticipating underperformances and major injuries. I might get the bye but if not I'm upset material in the first round.
Offense: A-
Pitching: A+
Fielding: A-
MVP: Lance Morris
Cy Young: Curtis McMillon
Forecast: 102-60
Honolulu Harpoon
Last season: 87-75/ predicted: 73-89
I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, supposed to be the most beautiful place on earth. I don't know shit about the stadium in Honolulu, but I would hope it's outdoors and with a gorgeous view. There has to be something to keep the imaginary fans interested. Won't be much to see on the field. Remember how hot Mila Kunis looked in Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Do you think those were her actual tits in that photo?
Offense: C-
Pitching: C
Defense: C
MVP: Juan Mercado
Cy Young: rex Coles
Forecast: 70-92
Salt Lake City Illuminati
Last season: 65-97/ predicted: 103-59
What the fuck happened last season?! Seriously. themehl has won 3 WS, this team was good. What the fuck happened? The guy makes bone-headed moves and then bails. If you're going to dismantle then at least stick around for the rebuild. Well frankum, you been presented a challenge. What looked like a dangerous line-up has been reduced to a couple of nice top-end hitters and then some driftwood. The pitching is a touch more stable, and the defense is solid. Go forth frankum, rejuvenate.
Offense: C
Pitching: C+ish
Fielding: B
MVP: Alex Cubillan
Cy Young: Gregory Finnessy
Forecast: 74-88
Scottsdale Swarm
Last season: 69-93/ predicted: 71-91
I know my American geography, but where the fuck is Scottsdale? Arizona I think. maybe I'll go google it...yep, Arizona, Maricopa County, Official Motto: "The West's Most Western City" (do they still have gunfights at noon?), population: 244,000, sister city of Kingston Ontario, where a good friend lives, and Cairns, Australia where I spent three months fucking my brains out in '88, apparently no one famous has ever come fromscottsdale itself, though I could be wrong. In BPF scottsdale has a fairly mediocre baseball team. It's about prospects now.
Offense: C-
Pitching: C
Defense: C
MVP: Adios Santiago Baez
Cy Young: Morgan Brow
Forecast: 73-89
Ok fuckers, that's the previews done. i hope you laughed, you cried, you drank a beer, smoked a joint, logged on to Youporn and made some knuckle-children.
Now then, good luck in the season ahead all, and thanks for playing.
Last season: 103-59/ predicted: 108-54
A chick I'm seeing just sent me a text saying she just picked up two bottles of lube. I'm going to be 42 this year, this chick is 24. I don't know what it is, but I just never meet chicks my own age. In the past few years I have just fucked idiotic numbers of chicks between 19-27 yrs old. I live in a town with something like 7 degree granting colleges and universities, it's just filthy with young women. Anyways, my teams alright, can't wait to get Hideo Suh back. Still I'm anticipating underperformances and major injuries. I might get the bye but if not I'm upset material in the first round.
Offense: A-
Pitching: A+
Fielding: A-
MVP: Lance Morris
Cy Young: Curtis McMillon
Forecast: 102-60
Honolulu Harpoon
Last season: 87-75/ predicted: 73-89
I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, supposed to be the most beautiful place on earth. I don't know shit about the stadium in Honolulu, but I would hope it's outdoors and with a gorgeous view. There has to be something to keep the imaginary fans interested. Won't be much to see on the field. Remember how hot Mila Kunis looked in Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Do you think those were her actual tits in that photo?
Offense: C-
Pitching: C
Defense: C
MVP: Juan Mercado
Cy Young: rex Coles
Forecast: 70-92
Salt Lake City Illuminati
Last season: 65-97/ predicted: 103-59
What the fuck happened last season?! Seriously. themehl has won 3 WS, this team was good. What the fuck happened? The guy makes bone-headed moves and then bails. If you're going to dismantle then at least stick around for the rebuild. Well frankum, you been presented a challenge. What looked like a dangerous line-up has been reduced to a couple of nice top-end hitters and then some driftwood. The pitching is a touch more stable, and the defense is solid. Go forth frankum, rejuvenate.
Offense: C
Pitching: C+ish
Fielding: B
MVP: Alex Cubillan
Cy Young: Gregory Finnessy
Forecast: 74-88
Scottsdale Swarm
Last season: 69-93/ predicted: 71-91
I know my American geography, but where the fuck is Scottsdale? Arizona I think. maybe I'll go google it...yep, Arizona, Maricopa County, Official Motto: "The West's Most Western City" (do they still have gunfights at noon?), population: 244,000, sister city of Kingston Ontario, where a good friend lives, and Cairns, Australia where I spent three months fucking my brains out in '88, apparently no one famous has ever come fromscottsdale itself, though I could be wrong. In BPF scottsdale has a fairly mediocre baseball team. It's about prospects now.
Offense: C-
Pitching: C
Defense: C
MVP: Adios Santiago Baez
Cy Young: Morgan Brow
Forecast: 73-89
Ok fuckers, that's the previews done. i hope you laughed, you cried, you drank a beer, smoked a joint, logged on to Youporn and made some knuckle-children.
Now then, good luck in the season ahead all, and thanks for playing.
AL: The Dirty South
Austin Argonauts
Last season: 73-89/ predicted: 81-81
The Lone Ranger: Tonto, do you see what I see?
Tonto: Yes kemosabe, I see much trouble with Austin. many players marginal ML quality, me no like-um the looks of this.
The Lone Ranger: Fuckin' A, Chief! Looks like someone is playing for the number one pick next season, hopefully they won't embarrass the world, let alone themselves. many decent FAs still on the market and a 12.7mil payroll means there is cash.
Me: I have fucked chicks waaay uglier than this squad.
Offense: D
Pitching: D
Defense: C-
MVP: n/a
Cy Young: n/a
Forecast: 55-107 (optimistic)
Memphis MAD DOGS
last season: 82-80/ predicted: 91-71
Three seasons have passed since the heady back-to-back World Series days and sved appears to be in reload mode. When your DH is your most valuable player you know you are in for a long campaign. Gloves where it's needed, and some top end bats will steal some games but the pitching isn't deep. This version of the MAD DOGS are decidely neutered.
Offense: C
Pitching: C-
Defense: B
MVP: Tori Wagner
Cy Young: Yeah...about that
Pitching appears to have fallen off from the heady WS days. Still a threat, but more in the wild card mix.
Forecast: 70-92
Richmond Informers
Last season: 78-84/ predicted: 68-94
We are seeing a changing of the guard in the Dirty South. Former powerhouses Memphis and Austin have fallen on leaner times. Richmond, on the other hand, is set to make a run at the division title after finishing out of the division basement last season, the first time in franchise history. Though, to be honest, the division is there for the taking.
Offense: C
Pitching: C+
Defense: B
MVP: Hunter Bryant
Cy Young: Lou Piper
Forecast: 80-82
Kansas City Faggots
Last season: 84-78/ predicted: 94-68
I have always found it weird that homosexuals are attracted to people of the same sex that display and/or possess traits of the opposite sex they are supposedly repulsed by. Like, why are so many dykes masculine? To me, a true gay man would be the most manly dude around but likes to suck dick and take it up the shitter. These mincing queens are just confusing me. And what about guys atrracted to men in drag, that's just fucked up. And did you know a large portion of gay men don't do the butt stuff. I knew this one guy who would always say "I may be gay, but my ass is straight". I have no problem where two (or more) consenting adults stick their naughty bits, doesn't threaten me in any way (I loves my pussy), just confused by the whole thing. It's all about the junk folks! BTW .500 will win this division.
Offense: C
Pitching: B-
Defense: C-
MVP: Nick Oliver
Cy Young: Paul Harris
Forecast: 79-83
Last season: 73-89/ predicted: 81-81
The Lone Ranger: Tonto, do you see what I see?
Tonto: Yes kemosabe, I see much trouble with Austin. many players marginal ML quality, me no like-um the looks of this.
The Lone Ranger: Fuckin' A, Chief! Looks like someone is playing for the number one pick next season, hopefully they won't embarrass the world, let alone themselves. many decent FAs still on the market and a 12.7mil payroll means there is cash.
Me: I have fucked chicks waaay uglier than this squad.
Offense: D
Pitching: D
Defense: C-
MVP: n/a
Cy Young: n/a
Forecast: 55-107 (optimistic)
Memphis MAD DOGS
last season: 82-80/ predicted: 91-71
Three seasons have passed since the heady back-to-back World Series days and sved appears to be in reload mode. When your DH is your most valuable player you know you are in for a long campaign. Gloves where it's needed, and some top end bats will steal some games but the pitching isn't deep. This version of the MAD DOGS are decidely neutered.
Offense: C
Pitching: C-
Defense: B
MVP: Tori Wagner
Cy Young: Yeah...about that
Pitching appears to have fallen off from the heady WS days. Still a threat, but more in the wild card mix.
Forecast: 70-92
Richmond Informers
Last season: 78-84/ predicted: 68-94
We are seeing a changing of the guard in the Dirty South. Former powerhouses Memphis and Austin have fallen on leaner times. Richmond, on the other hand, is set to make a run at the division title after finishing out of the division basement last season, the first time in franchise history. Though, to be honest, the division is there for the taking.
Offense: C
Pitching: C+
Defense: B
MVP: Hunter Bryant
Cy Young: Lou Piper
Forecast: 80-82
Kansas City Faggots
Last season: 84-78/ predicted: 94-68
I have always found it weird that homosexuals are attracted to people of the same sex that display and/or possess traits of the opposite sex they are supposedly repulsed by. Like, why are so many dykes masculine? To me, a true gay man would be the most manly dude around but likes to suck dick and take it up the shitter. These mincing queens are just confusing me. And what about guys atrracted to men in drag, that's just fucked up. And did you know a large portion of gay men don't do the butt stuff. I knew this one guy who would always say "I may be gay, but my ass is straight". I have no problem where two (or more) consenting adults stick their naughty bits, doesn't threaten me in any way (I loves my pussy), just confused by the whole thing. It's all about the junk folks! BTW .500 will win this division.
Offense: C
Pitching: B-
Defense: C-
MVP: Nick Oliver
Cy Young: Paul Harris
Forecast: 79-83
NL West S9 Preview
Oakland Ownage -- 109-53 in S7, 90-72 in S8
Three-time division winner, the Ownage also own one of the largest payrolls in all of Sag's BPF with nearly $130M in salary this year. Led by Delino Hall, David Ramirez, recently acquired Albert Cairo, and Travis Shea, they have one of the most prolific offenses in all of the league. Dummy Wayne, Charles Greenberg, and Travis Brooks are three of the top pitchers on the roster, but another two or three guys are right behind them. Not one to rest on his laurels, tomhighway spent the offseason signing FA's and making blockbuster trades. Stand still and you get passed. These guys will surely get back to their 100+ win normalcy.
Offense: A
Defense: B+
Pitching: A
MVP: Dogfight between Hall and Cairo
Cy Young: Dummy
Prediction: 105-57, 1st in Division
Colorado Swingers -- 87-75 in S7, 89-73 in S8
The picture of consistency, the Swingers have had win totals spanning only five games over the last four seasons. But is playing above .500 baseball and missing the playoffs good enough for fans in Colorado? This team has never seen the post-season, so what did bbwinksdaddy do? Well he did a little bit, bringing in Ralph Jenkins and Brian Nakajima. Is it enough to get this team into the playoffs? The number two team in each of the other divisions is pretty good. And we don't even know if Colorado has what it takes to be number two in the West.
Offense: B-
Defense: B-
Pitching: C+
MVP: Michael Washington
Cy Young: Troy Serrano
Prediction: 74-88, 4th in Division
Las Vegas Bandits -- 72-90 in S7, 75-87 in S8
Like Colorado, LV has been very consistent lately, but they're on the wrong side of that .500 record that they have been shooting for. The franchise hasn't seen a .500+ season since the inception of the world, and that's bad news. shynent has an answer though. Pedro Fucking Aguilera. A huge contract for a big-time player, Pedro gives this team immediate credibility. Throw in David Canseco (who has been trying for years to change his last name) and this team isn't fucking around at the plate this year. The question is whether or not the pitching can keep them in games.
Offense: B+
Defense: B+
Pitching: B-
MVP: Aguilera
Cy Young: Gene Blackley
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in Division
Albuquerque Sandias -- 81-81 in S7, 69-93 in S8
After winning the division four of the first five seasons, the San Diego/Albuquerque franchise has been in a steady decline (rebuilding?) the last few seasons. Selling off some older players and bringing in some youth, the front office has been wheelin' and dealin' quite a bit the last few seasons. The starting lineup is now a Who's Who of former first round picks, led by Buck Cain, Humberto Alarcon, Willie Parker, and Julian Mendez. As always, the pitching staff is held down by Rico Rivera, and he gets help from Mariano Nunez and Oscar Hamilton. Dean Bailey and Charles Zhang were the big FA signings, while Luis James and Dick Iorg were acquired via trade. Is it enough to get the team back on a winning track?
Offense: B
Defense: B-
Pitching: B+
MVP: Buck
Cy Young: Rico
Prediction: 82-80, 2nd in Division
Three-time division winner, the Ownage also own one of the largest payrolls in all of Sag's BPF with nearly $130M in salary this year. Led by Delino Hall, David Ramirez, recently acquired Albert Cairo, and Travis Shea, they have one of the most prolific offenses in all of the league. Dummy Wayne, Charles Greenberg, and Travis Brooks are three of the top pitchers on the roster, but another two or three guys are right behind them. Not one to rest on his laurels, tomhighway spent the offseason signing FA's and making blockbuster trades. Stand still and you get passed. These guys will surely get back to their 100+ win normalcy.
Offense: A
Defense: B+
Pitching: A
MVP: Dogfight between Hall and Cairo
Cy Young: Dummy
Prediction: 105-57, 1st in Division
Colorado Swingers -- 87-75 in S7, 89-73 in S8
The picture of consistency, the Swingers have had win totals spanning only five games over the last four seasons. But is playing above .500 baseball and missing the playoffs good enough for fans in Colorado? This team has never seen the post-season, so what did bbwinksdaddy do? Well he did a little bit, bringing in Ralph Jenkins and Brian Nakajima. Is it enough to get this team into the playoffs? The number two team in each of the other divisions is pretty good. And we don't even know if Colorado has what it takes to be number two in the West.
Offense: B-
Defense: B-
Pitching: C+
MVP: Michael Washington
Cy Young: Troy Serrano
Prediction: 74-88, 4th in Division
Las Vegas Bandits -- 72-90 in S7, 75-87 in S8
Like Colorado, LV has been very consistent lately, but they're on the wrong side of that .500 record that they have been shooting for. The franchise hasn't seen a .500+ season since the inception of the world, and that's bad news. shynent has an answer though. Pedro Fucking Aguilera. A huge contract for a big-time player, Pedro gives this team immediate credibility. Throw in David Canseco (who has been trying for years to change his last name) and this team isn't fucking around at the plate this year. The question is whether or not the pitching can keep them in games.
Offense: B+
Defense: B+
Pitching: B-
MVP: Aguilera
Cy Young: Gene Blackley
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in Division
Albuquerque Sandias -- 81-81 in S7, 69-93 in S8
After winning the division four of the first five seasons, the San Diego/Albuquerque franchise has been in a steady decline (rebuilding?) the last few seasons. Selling off some older players and bringing in some youth, the front office has been wheelin' and dealin' quite a bit the last few seasons. The starting lineup is now a Who's Who of former first round picks, led by Buck Cain, Humberto Alarcon, Willie Parker, and Julian Mendez. As always, the pitching staff is held down by Rico Rivera, and he gets help from Mariano Nunez and Oscar Hamilton. Dean Bailey and Charles Zhang were the big FA signings, while Luis James and Dick Iorg were acquired via trade. Is it enough to get the team back on a winning track?
Offense: B
Defense: B-
Pitching: B+
MVP: Buck
Cy Young: Rico
Prediction: 82-80, 2nd in Division
Thursday, March 25, 2010
NL South S9 Preview
The NL South, aka, the division where winning 90+ games doesn't mean shit.
Jackson Generals -- 93-69 in S7, 96-66 in S8
An Original, playboy33 has never finished anywhere near .500, and had four seasons in a row of 100+ wins back in the early days. Three NLCS appearances, winning their apperance in S5 and getting beat in the WS, the Generals are the picture of consistency. Take a picture of my toilet at 8am everyday, and you'll see me sitting on it. Take a picture of the NL playoffs every season, and you'll see Jackson in it. Except for S1 and S6, which I equate to my mornings when I'm hung over and I don't make it to the crapper until 11 or noon. Still led by Jermaine O'Rourke and Willie Strickland, they'll get some help this year from newly acquired Rico Arias, while Eric Myette helps the pitching staff.
Offense: B+
Defense: B+
Pitching: B-
MVP: O'Rourke
Cy Young: Jayson Stahl and Myette
Prediction: 101-61, 1st in the Division
Jacksonville Jimmies -- 95-67 in S7, 92-70 in S8
They won the WS for the Mighty NL back in S6, then lost in the NLCS in S7, then got bounced from the first round as a WC in S8. So what happens with this team in S9? A bounce back, or a continual spiral downwards? No big FA signings and no trades means the squad is very similar to last year. Julius Neal is still here. He's pretty good. Charles Wan is now a full-time ML'er. The pitching staff is fairly deep, with the likes of Aramis Valenzuela, Shawn Roosevelt, and Alfredo Calles leading the way. And despite reports to the contrary, Rick Halama is still alive. Is he a first-ballot HOF'er? This reporter thinks so.
Offense: B+
Defense: C+
Pitching: B-
MVP: Neal, unless he blows out his knee. Gosh, I'd hate to see that. You know, he's never had an injury. I'm just sayin'.....
Cy Young: Calles
Prediction: 95-67, 2nd in Division, probably a WC
Louisville Sluggers -- 80-82 in S7, 84-78 in S8
We missed it, but our world is officially two years old, as I believe the first real day was something around Feb 14th of 2008. So somewhere in early May of 2008, jubalado and his Louisville team won the first ever BPF World Series. They went back in S4, but then the franchise has only made the playoffs once in the last four seasons. Is this their year? They're in a bitch of a division. One great trade brought Bubba Coles to the Sluggers (pssst, you might want to assign him in the near future), and he will lend a helping hand to the aging Kennie Sabel and Tex Wiltse. The pitching is led by young Sammy Flores, who the guys in the locker room call "Daisy," and Oscar Dunham, who everyone calls "Pops," for obvious reasons.
Offense: B
Defense: B+
Pitching: C
MVP: Coles, if he doesn't end up on someone else's team because he never gets assigned.
Cy Young: Flores
Prediction: 90-72, 3rd in the Division
New Orleans Posse -- 57-105 in S7, 59-103 in S8
Three consecutive seasons of sub .400 ball, the fans in New Orleans are growing tired of dennisdee's antics. "He's spending $90M on the team, and that trickles down to us in the stands," said an anonymous fan, who simply wanted to be known as Remy. "I've binhavin these season tickets fuh eight years, and he brought in these hawt cheerleaduhs last season, but we gets tired of them around the 5th inning. I tell you what, podna, he needs to get this ship righted, or I'm gunna go up da road and get me some Saints tickets." The fans have spoken. Has dennisdee listened? He acquired Tike Waters during the offseason to help the offense and defense, as Tike won a gold glove at 3B last season. Hod Lowell returns for the Posse, and Rudy Cradle is getting called up to the ML squad for this season. Can this team get on the right side of that 100 loss mark? We think so.
Offense: C
Defense: B
Pitching: C
MVP: Lowell
Cy Young: Ummmmm
Prediction: 65-97, 4th in the Division
Jackson Generals -- 93-69 in S7, 96-66 in S8
An Original, playboy33 has never finished anywhere near .500, and had four seasons in a row of 100+ wins back in the early days. Three NLCS appearances, winning their apperance in S5 and getting beat in the WS, the Generals are the picture of consistency. Take a picture of my toilet at 8am everyday, and you'll see me sitting on it. Take a picture of the NL playoffs every season, and you'll see Jackson in it. Except for S1 and S6, which I equate to my mornings when I'm hung over and I don't make it to the crapper until 11 or noon. Still led by Jermaine O'Rourke and Willie Strickland, they'll get some help this year from newly acquired Rico Arias, while Eric Myette helps the pitching staff.
Offense: B+
Defense: B+
Pitching: B-
MVP: O'Rourke
Cy Young: Jayson Stahl and Myette
Prediction: 101-61, 1st in the Division
Jacksonville Jimmies -- 95-67 in S7, 92-70 in S8
They won the WS for the Mighty NL back in S6, then lost in the NLCS in S7, then got bounced from the first round as a WC in S8. So what happens with this team in S9? A bounce back, or a continual spiral downwards? No big FA signings and no trades means the squad is very similar to last year. Julius Neal is still here. He's pretty good. Charles Wan is now a full-time ML'er. The pitching staff is fairly deep, with the likes of Aramis Valenzuela, Shawn Roosevelt, and Alfredo Calles leading the way. And despite reports to the contrary, Rick Halama is still alive. Is he a first-ballot HOF'er? This reporter thinks so.
Offense: B+
Defense: C+
Pitching: B-
MVP: Neal, unless he blows out his knee. Gosh, I'd hate to see that. You know, he's never had an injury. I'm just sayin'.....
Cy Young: Calles
Prediction: 95-67, 2nd in Division, probably a WC
Louisville Sluggers -- 80-82 in S7, 84-78 in S8
We missed it, but our world is officially two years old, as I believe the first real day was something around Feb 14th of 2008. So somewhere in early May of 2008, jubalado and his Louisville team won the first ever BPF World Series. They went back in S4, but then the franchise has only made the playoffs once in the last four seasons. Is this their year? They're in a bitch of a division. One great trade brought Bubba Coles to the Sluggers (pssst, you might want to assign him in the near future), and he will lend a helping hand to the aging Kennie Sabel and Tex Wiltse. The pitching is led by young Sammy Flores, who the guys in the locker room call "Daisy," and Oscar Dunham, who everyone calls "Pops," for obvious reasons.
Offense: B
Defense: B+
Pitching: C
MVP: Coles, if he doesn't end up on someone else's team because he never gets assigned.
Cy Young: Flores
Prediction: 90-72, 3rd in the Division
New Orleans Posse -- 57-105 in S7, 59-103 in S8
Three consecutive seasons of sub .400 ball, the fans in New Orleans are growing tired of dennisdee's antics. "He's spending $90M on the team, and that trickles down to us in the stands," said an anonymous fan, who simply wanted to be known as Remy. "I've binhavin these season tickets fuh eight years, and he brought in these hawt cheerleaduhs last season, but we gets tired of them around the 5th inning. I tell you what, podna, he needs to get this ship righted, or I'm gunna go up da road and get me some Saints tickets." The fans have spoken. Has dennisdee listened? He acquired Tike Waters during the offseason to help the offense and defense, as Tike won a gold glove at 3B last season. Hod Lowell returns for the Posse, and Rudy Cradle is getting called up to the ML squad for this season. Can this team get on the right side of that 100 loss mark? We think so.
Offense: C
Defense: B
Pitching: C
MVP: Lowell
Cy Young: Ummmmm
Prediction: 65-97, 4th in the Division
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
NL East S9 Preview
It's a Wednesday night. My wife is out of town. I'm watching the Caps play the Penguins. And I'm drinking much more than I'm eating. So this might start out well, but quickly regress, so just stay with me here.
Indianapolis Indians -- 95-67 in S7, 92-70 in S8 (WS appearance)
In his third season with the franchise, tsufugazi went to and lost the WS. He lost in the NLCS the next season, didn't make it out of the first round in the season following that, and then was gone from the league. rootgargle went to and lost the WS in his third season with this franchise.....that's all I've got right now. None of this will be relevant unless he loses in the NLCS this season. Mr Gargle is running one of the highest payrolls I have ever seen in HBD, with $135M in player salary this season. The $20M Man is a good portion of that payroll, with Kevin Sandberg accounting for another $10M of that cash. Of the 25 men on the ML roster, only 4 are making less than $1M this season. Heads will roll in Indy if the team doesn't win the WS this year.
Offense: A-
Defense: B++
Pitching: B+
MVP: I dunno. Wilkerson? Ryan? Sandberg?
Cy Young: Frias? Matthews? Drew? Yes.
Prediction: 98-64, 1st in the Division
Hartford Insurance Men -- 73-89 in S7, 89-73 in S8
coonja76 only had this franchise for one season, and he made possibly the best acquisition of the team's history when he signed Alejandro Lee to a huge deal worth over $22M. A lifetime .336 hitter at the ML level, and locked up through S13, he is one of the top players in the world at the tender age of 24. He gets some help from Alex Pizzaro, Alex Starr, and Sandy Rolison. Throw in some above average pitching, and this team is very dangerous if it can stay healthy.
Offense: A-
Defense: C
Pitching: C+
MVP: If he doesn't get hurt, it's obviously Lee
Cy Young: Vin Arias
Prediction: 90-72, 2nd in the Division, maybe a WC spot
St. Louis Oxbow -- 81-81 in S7, 84-78 in S8
If you want to go back even further, this team was below .500 in S6, and below .400 in S5. So they should win something like 95 games this year, right? I mean they brought in Jumbo Long for fucks sake. They also brought in Byron Watson and Wilton Wang. But the offense is lacking, so if the pitching staff gives up more than four or five runs, the team is fucked.
Offense: C-
Defense: C
Pitching: C+
MVP: Wil Ward
Cy Young: Jumbo
Prediction: 81-81, 3rd in the Division
I need to take a crap, hold on........
OK, I'm back.
Durham Bulls -- 53-109 in S7, 68-94 in S8
In 8 seasons, this team has only finished above .500 one time, way back in S1. Goodness. kscott2421 is slowly bringing the team back from the ledge, but there is still a lot of work to be done. And with no big FA signings and no trades during the offseason, the team is looking very much like last season's version. Jon Bohanon was a cheap signing, but he isn't getting any younger. Jumbo Towers is a good hitter, but doesn't do much in the field. Al Reese is the only really legit starter to speak of. Bad news bears.
Offense: D+
Defense: C-
Pitching: C-
MVP: Towers
Cy Young: Reese
Prediction: 60-102, 4th in the Division
Indianapolis Indians -- 95-67 in S7, 92-70 in S8 (WS appearance)
In his third season with the franchise, tsufugazi went to and lost the WS. He lost in the NLCS the next season, didn't make it out of the first round in the season following that, and then was gone from the league. rootgargle went to and lost the WS in his third season with this franchise.....that's all I've got right now. None of this will be relevant unless he loses in the NLCS this season. Mr Gargle is running one of the highest payrolls I have ever seen in HBD, with $135M in player salary this season. The $20M Man is a good portion of that payroll, with Kevin Sandberg accounting for another $10M of that cash. Of the 25 men on the ML roster, only 4 are making less than $1M this season. Heads will roll in Indy if the team doesn't win the WS this year.
Offense: A-
Defense: B++
Pitching: B+
MVP: I dunno. Wilkerson? Ryan? Sandberg?
Cy Young: Frias? Matthews? Drew? Yes.
Prediction: 98-64, 1st in the Division
Hartford Insurance Men -- 73-89 in S7, 89-73 in S8
coonja76 only had this franchise for one season, and he made possibly the best acquisition of the team's history when he signed Alejandro Lee to a huge deal worth over $22M. A lifetime .336 hitter at the ML level, and locked up through S13, he is one of the top players in the world at the tender age of 24. He gets some help from Alex Pizzaro, Alex Starr, and Sandy Rolison. Throw in some above average pitching, and this team is very dangerous if it can stay healthy.
Offense: A-
Defense: C
Pitching: C+
MVP: If he doesn't get hurt, it's obviously Lee
Cy Young: Vin Arias
Prediction: 90-72, 2nd in the Division, maybe a WC spot
St. Louis Oxbow -- 81-81 in S7, 84-78 in S8
If you want to go back even further, this team was below .500 in S6, and below .400 in S5. So they should win something like 95 games this year, right? I mean they brought in Jumbo Long for fucks sake. They also brought in Byron Watson and Wilton Wang. But the offense is lacking, so if the pitching staff gives up more than four or five runs, the team is fucked.
Offense: C-
Defense: C
Pitching: C+
MVP: Wil Ward
Cy Young: Jumbo
Prediction: 81-81, 3rd in the Division
I need to take a crap, hold on........
OK, I'm back.
Durham Bulls -- 53-109 in S7, 68-94 in S8
In 8 seasons, this team has only finished above .500 one time, way back in S1. Goodness. kscott2421 is slowly bringing the team back from the ledge, but there is still a lot of work to be done. And with no big FA signings and no trades during the offseason, the team is looking very much like last season's version. Jon Bohanon was a cheap signing, but he isn't getting any younger. Jumbo Towers is a good hitter, but doesn't do much in the field. Al Reese is the only really legit starter to speak of. Bad news bears.
Offense: D+
Defense: C-
Pitching: C-
MVP: Towers
Cy Young: Reese
Prediction: 60-102, 4th in the Division
AL East
AL East
Chicago Black Holes
last season: 66-96/ predicted: 70-92
Stable ownership for a few seasons now, but still scuffling along. Should start reaping the benefits soon of season after season of high draft picks. Will see another season of blowing in the Windy City though. Well, not really a terrible team, and will steal more than a few games. Stuart Reid as rebounded nicely from reigny's mismanagement. right now I'm eating a breakfast burrito i made with chorizo, brisket, corn, peppers, cheddar, and other cheeses. Pretty tasty.
Offense: C+
Pitching: C
Defense: B-
MVP: Reid
Cy Young: Ricky Kidd
Forecast: 72-90
Fucking New Fucking York Fucking Yankees
DEFENDING CHAMPS
last season: 113-49/ predicted: 96-66
Where do I begin. Fuck. It could be that devonjain is a very astute owner but I prefer to think he gives the powers that be at HBD great head. Five WS appearences in eight seasons speaks for itself. Despite claims of a rebuild season, this team again, looks poised to challenge for the title. The road always seems to go through New York, so I anticipate a Milwaukee/NY ALCS. Geronimo Cruz is the best catcher in the AL and is the cornerstone of an always top offense. the pitching remains potent. Fuck you devon.
Offense: A
Pitching: B+
Defense: B-
MVP: Cruz
Cy Young: Ray Post
Forecast: 102-60
Trenton Enforcers
Last Season: 68-94/ predicted: 73-89
Trenton is kind of like Detroit to me. I always expect more from the team than is delivered. While high in overall, the team has lowish to low splits in both the line-up and the pitching staff. Meaning the won't get tired as teams run the score up against the enforcers. just kidding, well sort of, the best humour is always based in truth. I either made that up or read it somewhere, I dunno. Aaaron Spahn and Gregory Jackson give the line-up some credibility but they only take up two out of every nine Enforcer at bats. I am thankful everyday that I've never been married or have any children. freedom, sweet freedom.
Offense: C
Pitching: C
Defense: C+
MVP: Spahn
Cy Young: Brian Stanifer (?!)
Forecast: 68-94
Syracuse Ice Truck Killers
Last season: 89-73/ predicted: 94-68
Whenever I watch Dexter I keep thinking how shitty those cops are. They are ALWAYS on the wrong track and fall for every red herring thrown their way. Fuck solving crimes, they couldn't solve a placemat maze at Chuckee Cheeze's. And holy fuck that Rita character was a pain in the ass. Now she's a lesbo on Desperate Housewives. Like I watch the show and all, and I enjoy it, but it really is poorly written and terribly acted. And holy fuck, how many serial killers can one Southeast American city hold. No one would ever leave the fucking house.
Offense: C+ (appears to have backed off power in favour of speed)
Pitching: C+ (high control to mitigate lowish splits)
Defense: C- (how has preventing runs ever helped anyone?)
Overall: B
MVP: Robb Smith
Cy Young: Brent Gonzalez
Forecast: 84-78
Chicago Black Holes
last season: 66-96/ predicted: 70-92
Stable ownership for a few seasons now, but still scuffling along. Should start reaping the benefits soon of season after season of high draft picks. Will see another season of blowing in the Windy City though. Well, not really a terrible team, and will steal more than a few games. Stuart Reid as rebounded nicely from reigny's mismanagement. right now I'm eating a breakfast burrito i made with chorizo, brisket, corn, peppers, cheddar, and other cheeses. Pretty tasty.
Offense: C+
Pitching: C
Defense: B-
MVP: Reid
Cy Young: Ricky Kidd
Forecast: 72-90
Fucking New Fucking York Fucking Yankees
DEFENDING CHAMPS
last season: 113-49/ predicted: 96-66
Where do I begin. Fuck. It could be that devonjain is a very astute owner but I prefer to think he gives the powers that be at HBD great head. Five WS appearences in eight seasons speaks for itself. Despite claims of a rebuild season, this team again, looks poised to challenge for the title. The road always seems to go through New York, so I anticipate a Milwaukee/NY ALCS. Geronimo Cruz is the best catcher in the AL and is the cornerstone of an always top offense. the pitching remains potent. Fuck you devon.
Offense: A
Pitching: B+
Defense: B-
MVP: Cruz
Cy Young: Ray Post
Forecast: 102-60
Trenton Enforcers
Last Season: 68-94/ predicted: 73-89
Trenton is kind of like Detroit to me. I always expect more from the team than is delivered. While high in overall, the team has lowish to low splits in both the line-up and the pitching staff. Meaning the won't get tired as teams run the score up against the enforcers. just kidding, well sort of, the best humour is always based in truth. I either made that up or read it somewhere, I dunno. Aaaron Spahn and Gregory Jackson give the line-up some credibility but they only take up two out of every nine Enforcer at bats. I am thankful everyday that I've never been married or have any children. freedom, sweet freedom.
Offense: C
Pitching: C
Defense: C+
MVP: Spahn
Cy Young: Brian Stanifer (?!)
Forecast: 68-94
Syracuse Ice Truck Killers
Last season: 89-73/ predicted: 94-68
Whenever I watch Dexter I keep thinking how shitty those cops are. They are ALWAYS on the wrong track and fall for every red herring thrown their way. Fuck solving crimes, they couldn't solve a placemat maze at Chuckee Cheeze's. And holy fuck that Rita character was a pain in the ass. Now she's a lesbo on Desperate Housewives. Like I watch the show and all, and I enjoy it, but it really is poorly written and terribly acted. And holy fuck, how many serial killers can one Southeast American city hold. No one would ever leave the fucking house.
Offense: C+ (appears to have backed off power in favour of speed)
Pitching: C+ (high control to mitigate lowish splits)
Defense: C- (how has preventing runs ever helped anyone?)
Overall: B
MVP: Robb Smith
Cy Young: Brent Gonzalez
Forecast: 84-78
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