I know, I know, we're only about 50 games into the season, it's early. But what the hell is going on in the NL South? Everyone is below .500!! The computer thinks Jackson might get up to around 80 wins by the end of the season, which would make them the Seattle Seahawks of BPF: below .500, but making the playoffs.
Now this is almost expected from New Orleans. Other than their 83 win season and division title back in S10, they've been a sub .500 squad since....forever. And Louisville/El Paso had a couple of great seasons in the early days of BPF (WS win in S1, WS appearance in S4), but they've been a yo-yo since then (100 losses in S9, nearly 100 wins in S11). Jacksonville and Jackson are supposed to be the rocks of that division, having the same ownership since S1. Combined, they have 4 sub .500 seasons out of 22 seasons played, but right now they're on pace to make that 6 out of 24.
Meanwhile, you look at divisions like the NL North and the NL West, where each are on pace to have three of their four teams finish above .500, which isn't a foreign concept since all eight squads finished above .500 in S10. In the NL East.....well, let's not talk about those guys. A clear case of haves and have nots, Durham and St Louis are on pace for around 100 wins, while Baltimore and Hartford are in the hunt for a top 5 draft pick next season.
Looking at the last four seasons in the NL, here is the number of teams below .500 each season:
S8 - 6 (2 below .400) (0 above .600)
S9 - 7 (2 below .400) (0 above .600)
S10 - 5 (0 below .400) (0 above .600)
S11 - 9 (1 below .400) (2 above .600)
Clearly, S10 was our Season of Parity, and then it quickly got turned upside down in S11 when we had a record number of teams playing sub-par baseball and our first .600+ seasons since S7. Right now we're on pace for 7 teams below .500, and possibly 3 teams above .600 for the first time since S4. But what does it mean?
I really hoped I would see some sort of trend. Maybe the teams with the worst records are only spending $40M on payroll or something. Maybe the teams with the best records are flush with 80+ rated guys. But Philly is spending $120M on payroll, and they're expected to get 70 wins. Cincy is in first place in the NL North, and they don't have a single guy rated above 78 overall. But the cream of the crop right now are St Louis and Durham, with StL spending $118M on payroll and having 6 guys rated 80+ overall, and Durham is around $95M in payroll with 5 guys rated 80+ overall. Those two teams have more 80+ guys than the entire NL South combined, and that might be our problem. Hell, my team alone has nearly the same number of 80+ guys as the NL South. I know, it's all cyclical, and the teams with all of the talent at the ML level had to give up some prospects in order to get that talent, and those prospects will beat down my team in a few years. A lot of teams have a lot of talent in their minors right now. But for now, the NL isn't the league of parity that it was a couple of seasons ago, we are very much a league of haves and have nots.
All the World News that's unfit for print.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Franchise Performance Rankings
Hey Guys!
I just wasted a whole bunch of time coming up with a rankings system kind of like power rankings, but I looked at team performances by actual player stats. I'd tell you my formula, but then the secret would be out. Anyhoo, we've got some very strong teams and some real piles of crap, which will be leading to my next post sometime soon. Have a nice day y'all.
1. Chicago 178
2. Milwaukee 166
3. Durham 155
4. Vancouver 148
5. St. Louis 139
6. Montreal 137
7. Salem 136
8. Kansas city 132
9. Richmond 128
10. Helena 124
11. Cincinnati 116
12. Albuequerque115
13. Colorado 113
14. Honolulu 96
15. Houston 96
16. Las Vegas 95
17. Trenton 90
18. Iowa City 84
19. New York 83
20. Jackson 81
21. Burlington 78
22. SLC 77
23. Scottsdale 75
24. Philadelphia72
25. Portland 71
26. Jacksonville68
27. New Orleans 64
28. El Paso 62
29. Baltimore 58
30. Tampa Bay 49
31. Harford 39
32. Tacoma 36
I just wasted a whole bunch of time coming up with a rankings system kind of like power rankings, but I looked at team performances by actual player stats. I'd tell you my formula, but then the secret would be out. Anyhoo, we've got some very strong teams and some real piles of crap, which will be leading to my next post sometime soon. Have a nice day y'all.
1. Chicago 178
2. Milwaukee 166
3. Durham 155
4. Vancouver 148
5. St. Louis 139
6. Montreal 137
7. Salem 136
8. Kansas city 132
9. Richmond 128
10. Helena 124
11. Cincinnati 116
12. Albuequerque115
13. Colorado 113
14. Honolulu 96
15. Houston 96
16. Las Vegas 95
17. Trenton 90
18. Iowa City 84
19. New York 83
20. Jackson 81
21. Burlington 78
22. SLC 77
23. Scottsdale 75
24. Philadelphia72
25. Portland 71
26. Jacksonville68
27. New Orleans 64
28. El Paso 62
29. Baltimore 58
30. Tampa Bay 49
31. Harford 39
32. Tacoma 36
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Top 10 Prospects
I didn't want to make this all about pitchers, but wow, there are some top-notch pitching prospects in this world. And unless I wanted to search through every roster of every team, looking for the LF prospect with the best splits, I had to take the easy route by just looking at the top 10-15 draftees from the last few seasons, along with the IFA's who pulled down the biggest bonuses. So without further ado, here are your top ten prospects in BPF.
#10 - Vladimir Vazquez (SP - Jackson)
Drafted #5 overall in Season 9, Vlad has only lost 9 games in 74 starts during his time in the minors. Originally drafted by Chicago, Vlad was traded to Jackson in S10, and will probably get moved to the ML roster towards the end of S13, or he could be the opening day starter for Jackson in S14. An injury earlier this season slowed his progress a little bit, but he already has the stuff to play at the ML level if the Generals needed him to, and we see him making even more progress over the next season plus.
#9 - Vic Camacho (SP - Milwaukee)
Costing Durham $15.4M in S11, Vic was shipped off to Milwaukee this season in one of the biggest trades in BPF history. Vic is still a long ways off from reaching his potential, but he's pitching at the AAA level anyway. My biggest complaint about this guy, and the reason he isn't higher up this list, is his stamina ratings and his splits. In AAA this season, he has yet to get beyond the 6th inning. Will his stamina improve to a point where he could ever go the distance? It doesn't look likely. But while he's in the game, he's going to be fantastic.
#8 - Stuart Taylor (3B - Helena)
Our first position player to make the list, Stu was the #1 overall pick in the S9 draft, and is currently banging around at the AAA level for Helena. What I love about Stu is that he's multi-dimensional. Once he picks up a few more points in his range and glove, he'll be able to play everything but SS and CF and C. Most likely he'll end up at 3B, where he will hit for power and average, although his OBP might be less than stellar. He also has some decent legs on him, and could steal 25-30 bases each season. He's not the best #1 draft pick this world has ever had, but he's damn good.
#7 - R.J. Arredondo (SP - Milwaukee)
"Fuck you Milwaukee." That's what most of the world said when the Ueckers managed to land both Camacho and Arredondo. Originally signed by Chicago for $15.9M back in S9, RJ logged a little over 200 innings for Chicago before coming to Milwaukee. At the ripe age of 21, he has already thrown 500+ innings in the minors, and could make some noise at the ML level if Milwaukee needed him. I think he'll spend the rest of this season, and probably half of (if not all of) S13 playing AAA ball for Milwaukee before they bring him up. He still has some growing to do, and looks to be a force with his change up.
#6 - Harold Williams (2B/CF - El Paso)
I told you I wasn't going to let it be all pitchers. Harold was the #3 overall pick in S10 for Charlotte, before they moved to El Paso. Harold is what we like to call "the complete package." He's going to be an everyday guy for El Paso, playing at either CF or 2B, all while batting .300+ and staying healthy. If he was faster, I'd say he's your dream lead-off guy.
#5 - Gerardo Callaspo (SP - Scottsdale)
Only costing $11.7M for Scottsdale back in S10, Callaspo has since gone 28-9 in 59 starts in the minors. Once he gets through AAA next season, he's going to be a threat to throw a CG every time he gets on the mound. Power and control, with two great pitches, his only "down side" is that vR split. But if it can get up to that 70-75 range, he has Cy Young written all over him.
#4 - Ivan Barcelo (SP - Tacoma)
Maybe it's because he reminds me so much of Rico Rivera, but Ivan gives me a boner. He cost Tacoma a whopping $30M this season, so I hope he gives them a boner too. He's only 18, so he has a long way to go, but it looks like he will have great numbers almost across the whole board, with the obvious exception of that ever-important vR split. Damn lefties. If you could swap his vR and his vL splits, I'd declare him the best prospect this world has ever seen.
#3 - Jolbert Santana (2B - SLC)
Currently being 81 overall, he could make an impact at the ML level for a lot of teams. And with his current franchise sporting a 19-31 record at the ML level, I think they could be one of those teams that he could make an impact for. But they don't want to rush Santana, who originally cost $25.4M to sign back in S9. What's really interesting about Santana is that he was signed by kemosabe11 when he was running the Austin Argonauts. That team moved to Houston when they were taken over by joepatrick23 in S11. kemosabe11 came back into the fold with SLC, and loved Santana so much, he traded for him. A 2B with wheels and a great bat, I can see why he was so popular in Austin, and now SLC. When he gets to the ML level, he'll be a lead-off guy who scores 125 runs while also hitting 30 HR's and stealing 30 bases.
#2 - Dan Hernandez (SP - Helena)
The #8 pick in S9's draft, Dan has already logged 600 innings in the minors, so I'm moderately worried that he might be near his max already. Can he get another 5+ points in control and/or his splits? Maybe. Hindsight is always 20/20, but he might have been better off taking a more typical route in the minors, spending some time at LoA/HiA instead of jumping straight from Rookie ball to AA. Crap. I suddenly don't feel so good about my #2 pick. Nobody's reading this, right?
#1 - Shep Robinson (SP - Houston)
Drafted fourth overall in S9, Shep is quickly approaching 500 innings in the minors, and followed an identical path as Dan (Rookie, AA, then two consecutive seasons at AAA). Also like Dan, Shep could be a decent ML pitcher right now, but Houston is hoping he has another 5-10 points in him. His biggest issue right now, and I really don't understand what's going on, is the lack of progression in his stamina rating. 61 in S10, 64 in S11, and now 66 in S12. His makeup is off the charts, so why is he not progressing more in this category? Is my projection of 82 really that far off? Everything else is progressing really well, but that stamina is just stuck. Oh well. He's still a stud.
#10 - Vladimir Vazquez (SP - Jackson)
Drafted #5 overall in Season 9, Vlad has only lost 9 games in 74 starts during his time in the minors. Originally drafted by Chicago, Vlad was traded to Jackson in S10, and will probably get moved to the ML roster towards the end of S13, or he could be the opening day starter for Jackson in S14. An injury earlier this season slowed his progress a little bit, but he already has the stuff to play at the ML level if the Generals needed him to, and we see him making even more progress over the next season plus.
#9 - Vic Camacho (SP - Milwaukee)
Costing Durham $15.4M in S11, Vic was shipped off to Milwaukee this season in one of the biggest trades in BPF history. Vic is still a long ways off from reaching his potential, but he's pitching at the AAA level anyway. My biggest complaint about this guy, and the reason he isn't higher up this list, is his stamina ratings and his splits. In AAA this season, he has yet to get beyond the 6th inning. Will his stamina improve to a point where he could ever go the distance? It doesn't look likely. But while he's in the game, he's going to be fantastic.
#8 - Stuart Taylor (3B - Helena)
Our first position player to make the list, Stu was the #1 overall pick in the S9 draft, and is currently banging around at the AAA level for Helena. What I love about Stu is that he's multi-dimensional. Once he picks up a few more points in his range and glove, he'll be able to play everything but SS and CF and C. Most likely he'll end up at 3B, where he will hit for power and average, although his OBP might be less than stellar. He also has some decent legs on him, and could steal 25-30 bases each season. He's not the best #1 draft pick this world has ever had, but he's damn good.
#7 - R.J. Arredondo (SP - Milwaukee)
"Fuck you Milwaukee." That's what most of the world said when the Ueckers managed to land both Camacho and Arredondo. Originally signed by Chicago for $15.9M back in S9, RJ logged a little over 200 innings for Chicago before coming to Milwaukee. At the ripe age of 21, he has already thrown 500+ innings in the minors, and could make some noise at the ML level if Milwaukee needed him. I think he'll spend the rest of this season, and probably half of (if not all of) S13 playing AAA ball for Milwaukee before they bring him up. He still has some growing to do, and looks to be a force with his change up.
#6 - Harold Williams (2B/CF - El Paso)
I told you I wasn't going to let it be all pitchers. Harold was the #3 overall pick in S10 for Charlotte, before they moved to El Paso. Harold is what we like to call "the complete package." He's going to be an everyday guy for El Paso, playing at either CF or 2B, all while batting .300+ and staying healthy. If he was faster, I'd say he's your dream lead-off guy.
#5 - Gerardo Callaspo (SP - Scottsdale)
Only costing $11.7M for Scottsdale back in S10, Callaspo has since gone 28-9 in 59 starts in the minors. Once he gets through AAA next season, he's going to be a threat to throw a CG every time he gets on the mound. Power and control, with two great pitches, his only "down side" is that vR split. But if it can get up to that 70-75 range, he has Cy Young written all over him.
#4 - Ivan Barcelo (SP - Tacoma)
Maybe it's because he reminds me so much of Rico Rivera, but Ivan gives me a boner. He cost Tacoma a whopping $30M this season, so I hope he gives them a boner too. He's only 18, so he has a long way to go, but it looks like he will have great numbers almost across the whole board, with the obvious exception of that ever-important vR split. Damn lefties. If you could swap his vR and his vL splits, I'd declare him the best prospect this world has ever seen.
#3 - Jolbert Santana (2B - SLC)
Currently being 81 overall, he could make an impact at the ML level for a lot of teams. And with his current franchise sporting a 19-31 record at the ML level, I think they could be one of those teams that he could make an impact for. But they don't want to rush Santana, who originally cost $25.4M to sign back in S9. What's really interesting about Santana is that he was signed by kemosabe11 when he was running the Austin Argonauts. That team moved to Houston when they were taken over by joepatrick23 in S11. kemosabe11 came back into the fold with SLC, and loved Santana so much, he traded for him. A 2B with wheels and a great bat, I can see why he was so popular in Austin, and now SLC. When he gets to the ML level, he'll be a lead-off guy who scores 125 runs while also hitting 30 HR's and stealing 30 bases.
#2 - Dan Hernandez (SP - Helena)
The #8 pick in S9's draft, Dan has already logged 600 innings in the minors, so I'm moderately worried that he might be near his max already. Can he get another 5+ points in control and/or his splits? Maybe. Hindsight is always 20/20, but he might have been better off taking a more typical route in the minors, spending some time at LoA/HiA instead of jumping straight from Rookie ball to AA. Crap. I suddenly don't feel so good about my #2 pick. Nobody's reading this, right?
#1 - Shep Robinson (SP - Houston)
Drafted fourth overall in S9, Shep is quickly approaching 500 innings in the minors, and followed an identical path as Dan (Rookie, AA, then two consecutive seasons at AAA). Also like Dan, Shep could be a decent ML pitcher right now, but Houston is hoping he has another 5-10 points in him. His biggest issue right now, and I really don't understand what's going on, is the lack of progression in his stamina rating. 61 in S10, 64 in S11, and now 66 in S12. His makeup is off the charts, so why is he not progressing more in this category? Is my projection of 82 really that far off? Everything else is progressing really well, but that stamina is just stuck. Oh well. He's still a stud.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Season 12 AL Preview
AL North
Once again foolsgold has been busy making huge deals, that see him getting younger and cheaper but absolutely no loss on ML talent. Once again the AL favourite, which is amazing when you consider what was dealt away.
Defense: A
Hitting: A
Pitching: A+
Prediction: 110-52
Even more trades than Milwaukee and even a couple of bargain FA signings have pushed the Maroons payroll to over $25 mil. Holy shit. Still not enough ML talent to threaten the Ueckers. Pretty good pop in the line-up, but not a ton of elite level splits or contact.
Defense: B
Hitting: B+
Pitching: B
Prediction: 89-73
patterba gave up on drew124's disatser after two seasons, which surprised me because he was one of the first to re-up. Oh well, in steps just4u2nv, with unenviable task of righting this team. It's going to take some work, but aside from promoting a few warm bodies, there has been little progress made so far. Look for a top 3 pick in season13.
Defense: A
Hitting: C-
Pitching:C-
Prediction: 56-106
Heee's back and apparently has picked up a gambling bug which we all have to know about in excrutiating detail. domi has taken over for long time BPF member mb bengals, who shared the unfortunate talent evaluation skills as former division-mates turbohawk and drew124. That leaves domi not a helluva lot to work with.
Defense: C
Hitting: C+
Pitching:C+
Prediction: 72-90
AL East
Pretty much the same team as last season. Dummy wayne and delino Hall plus a very good supporting cast, make Chicago a formidable squad match up against.
Defense: B+
Hitting: A-
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 100-62
Oh the Glory Days, but a distant memory. The new normal is not so glorious. While still featuring some dynamite MLers, the price of success is showing and there aren't enough innings in this pitching staff. Nothing much in the minors due to years of scout killing payrolls and draft picks. Ahahahahahaha. Wait a minute, what's my payroll? Having Post out for 130+ more days doesn't help matters. At least there won't be a left handed second baseman turning to throw to first anymore.
Defense: C+
Hitting: C+
Pitching: Incomplete
Prediction: as is 70-92, pitching will die by the All star game.
HAWKEYE has been a busy, busy boy this off season. Team still may not be enough to challenge Burlington or Chicago, or even a wildcard spot, but this team will not be a pushover, and if a bunch of players had career years 85 wins could be possible.Strength is the line up, weakness is the pitching and a lack of quality gloves at SS and CF. At least there's an effort being made, which is all I ask.
Defense: C+
Hitting: B
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81
A sure sign of character is admitting when you are wrong, and brother, was I wrong. I don't know what I was looking at because this team looks pretty damn good on paper. jesus, one of my cats just took a shit, and my fuck, does it stink. Almost as much as paying $20 million per for a career .198 hitter in 116 post season at-bats. Maybe Avila won't disappear for jonboy like he did for me.
Defense: C+
Hitting: B
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 94-68
AL South
Looks to be another long season in Houston. There is talent, just not much of it. Pitching looks like it will have control and fatigue issues. Still, I trust joe has a plan to imrprove, he's got payroll flexibility to quickly build up the minors and be a threat in a couple seasons.
Defense: C+
Hitting: C+
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 63-99
ghutton stepped in last season after I questioned mesapitfan's handling of his franchise, and he bailed. that's happened a few times now. I like it. Anyways, this is ghutton's first full season in BPF and he's in control of what was an attempted tankjob. A few savvy trades and FA signings should slow the bleeding. The pitching remains a sore point, but the offense is improved. And budget room will allow for some scouting rewards, keep up the good work ghutton.
Defense: C+
Hitting: C+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 68-94
Another season, another step forward for jcarver. No trade action, but a couple FA pitchers to bolster a very decent staff. Looks good for another division title for the Informers. Hitters look a touch weak ins splits, but enough power, contact and eye. Pitching looks surprisingly strong.
Defense: B+
Hitting: B-
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 94-68
(If you're squeamish or homophobic or sensitive, consider this a warning)
It was April 2005, sergei and I met at a hotel bar in Quncy, Massachusets. The attraction was mutual and instant. I felt my manbat stiffen when my eyes massaged his brickshithouse type body. I knew then and there I had to feel that Tagalog cock up my waste chute. I plied him with booze, until he was slurring, but I knew soon he would be slurping. Slurping up my testicular sea monkeys. My hand brushed gently against his, and our eyes locked. He looked at me and it was like two dicks were poking me in the eyes. "Do you want to see my mini-bar" I ask. "I shought you'd never ashk" he responds, before sweeping me up in his arms, throwing several Benjamins at the bartender, and carrying me over his shoulder to my hotel rooms, bumping my head several times in the elevator on the way. But the throbbing in my skull was nothing compared to the throvbbing of my raging loins. We rip at each others clothes, tearing like rabid animals, foaming at the mouth with mansexual desire. After that it goes black. I woke up the next morning with a bottle of champagne sticking out of my ass, all my money stolen, and my cock wrapped in tinfoil. and he never called me, even though I know I gave him my number. So the lesson here is, don't meet up with sergei for hot man action.
Defense: A+
Hitting: B-
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 87-75, and a bleeding rectum.
AL West
As usual I started the season wanting to trade for the future but once again that fell flat. Lost Lance Morris and the aforementioned Avila and replaced them with Howie Charles and Alfredo Saez, ugh. I'd link the players, but we all know no one clicks links. For the first time in a few seasons my expectations are much lower. In worlds that don't have a team like the Ueckers, this team might be a favourite, but as it is, it's an also-ran. If I had the ability to get people to give up their first born and any future earnings like foolsgold does it would be a different story. But since I usually only get offers I'd be willing accept if my IQ was less than half of it's current, I'm stuck with FA as the only way to reshape my team. You're all a bunch of fucking cocksuckers, selfish fucking pricks. Nothing personal.
Defense: B-
Hitting: A-
Pitching:A+
Prediction: More wins than losses, quick playoff exit
This team has continued to improve every season, save season7, since shiish joined us in season5,. That's pretty impressive. Having said that, I'm not sure it will happen in season12. Defense is a strength in that it's good where it has to be, but the offense's mediocrity will be amplified by swinging in 81 games in Honolulu, while the pitching's mediocrity will be disguised by throwing in 81 games in Honolulu. I usually post last seasons predictions but my fiasco earlier took the wind out of my sails. I'm saying that because I think I underestimated this team last season.
Defense: B-
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81
kemosabe is back mofos, deal wit' it, yo. He rep'asentin SLC, bitches. Yo, straight up, this be a rebuild, yo, but with respect. This is how we do. A'ight, yo, yo...ahhh fuck it, I don't know why i did that other than I'm going fucking nuts having sat here for 9 hours now, and losing half my previous work, just *poof* it's gone. Very good fielders to assist the yawn inducing pitching. The equally somnolent htiters won't do much to help out the fielders. Should see a good share of 4-2, 3-1 scores, but on the wrong side of the outcome. Plus, nine pitchers won't last the season.
Defense: A
Hitting: C
Pitching: Incomplete
Prediction: 69-93
And fina-fucking-ly,
Looks like another season of sorrow in Scottsdale. Oh those poor, imaginary fans. Must be a miserable existence being a Storm Trooper as the fans are ill-advisedly self-referred to as. Surely there must be light at the end of the tunnel. Go towards the light, that's it, go towards the light.
Defense: A
Hitting:C-
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 59-103
Well that's it. Good luck all.
And now some chick that could be your little sister, I dunno.
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Once again foolsgold has been busy making huge deals, that see him getting younger and cheaper but absolutely no loss on ML talent. Once again the AL favourite, which is amazing when you consider what was dealt away.
Defense: A
Hitting: A
Pitching: A+
Prediction: 110-52
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Even more trades than Milwaukee and even a couple of bargain FA signings have pushed the Maroons payroll to over $25 mil. Holy shit. Still not enough ML talent to threaten the Ueckers. Pretty good pop in the line-up, but not a ton of elite level splits or contact.
Defense: B
Hitting: B+
Pitching: B
Prediction: 89-73
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patterba gave up on drew124's disatser after two seasons, which surprised me because he was one of the first to re-up. Oh well, in steps just4u2nv, with unenviable task of righting this team. It's going to take some work, but aside from promoting a few warm bodies, there has been little progress made so far. Look for a top 3 pick in season13.
Defense: A
Hitting: C-
Pitching:C-
Prediction: 56-106
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Heee's back and apparently has picked up a gambling bug which we all have to know about in excrutiating detail. domi has taken over for long time BPF member mb bengals, who shared the unfortunate talent evaluation skills as former division-mates turbohawk and drew124. That leaves domi not a helluva lot to work with.
Defense: C
Hitting: C+
Pitching:C+
Prediction: 72-90
AL East
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Pretty much the same team as last season. Dummy wayne and delino Hall plus a very good supporting cast, make Chicago a formidable squad match up against.
Defense: B+
Hitting: A-
Pitching: A-
Prediction: 100-62
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Oh the Glory Days, but a distant memory. The new normal is not so glorious. While still featuring some dynamite MLers, the price of success is showing and there aren't enough innings in this pitching staff. Nothing much in the minors due to years of scout killing payrolls and draft picks. Ahahahahahaha. Wait a minute, what's my payroll? Having Post out for 130+ more days doesn't help matters. At least there won't be a left handed second baseman turning to throw to first anymore.
Defense: C+
Hitting: C+
Pitching: Incomplete
Prediction: as is 70-92, pitching will die by the All star game.
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HAWKEYE has been a busy, busy boy this off season. Team still may not be enough to challenge Burlington or Chicago, or even a wildcard spot, but this team will not be a pushover, and if a bunch of players had career years 85 wins could be possible.Strength is the line up, weakness is the pitching and a lack of quality gloves at SS and CF. At least there's an effort being made, which is all I ask.
Defense: C+
Hitting: B
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81
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A sure sign of character is admitting when you are wrong, and brother, was I wrong. I don't know what I was looking at because this team looks pretty damn good on paper. jesus, one of my cats just took a shit, and my fuck, does it stink. Almost as much as paying $20 million per for a career .198 hitter in 116 post season at-bats. Maybe Avila won't disappear for jonboy like he did for me.
Defense: C+
Hitting: B
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 94-68
AL South
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Looks to be another long season in Houston. There is talent, just not much of it. Pitching looks like it will have control and fatigue issues. Still, I trust joe has a plan to imrprove, he's got payroll flexibility to quickly build up the minors and be a threat in a couple seasons.
Defense: C+
Hitting: C+
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 63-99
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ghutton stepped in last season after I questioned mesapitfan's handling of his franchise, and he bailed. that's happened a few times now. I like it. Anyways, this is ghutton's first full season in BPF and he's in control of what was an attempted tankjob. A few savvy trades and FA signings should slow the bleeding. The pitching remains a sore point, but the offense is improved. And budget room will allow for some scouting rewards, keep up the good work ghutton.
Defense: C+
Hitting: C+
Pitching: C
Prediction: 68-94
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Another season, another step forward for jcarver. No trade action, but a couple FA pitchers to bolster a very decent staff. Looks good for another division title for the Informers. Hitters look a touch weak ins splits, but enough power, contact and eye. Pitching looks surprisingly strong.
Defense: B+
Hitting: B-
Pitching: B+
Prediction: 94-68
 |
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(If you're squeamish or homophobic or sensitive, consider this a warning)
It was April 2005, sergei and I met at a hotel bar in Quncy, Massachusets. The attraction was mutual and instant. I felt my manbat stiffen when my eyes massaged his brickshithouse type body. I knew then and there I had to feel that Tagalog cock up my waste chute. I plied him with booze, until he was slurring, but I knew soon he would be slurping. Slurping up my testicular sea monkeys. My hand brushed gently against his, and our eyes locked. He looked at me and it was like two dicks were poking me in the eyes. "Do you want to see my mini-bar" I ask. "I shought you'd never ashk" he responds, before sweeping me up in his arms, throwing several Benjamins at the bartender, and carrying me over his shoulder to my hotel rooms, bumping my head several times in the elevator on the way. But the throbbing in my skull was nothing compared to the throvbbing of my raging loins. We rip at each others clothes, tearing like rabid animals, foaming at the mouth with mansexual desire. After that it goes black. I woke up the next morning with a bottle of champagne sticking out of my ass, all my money stolen, and my cock wrapped in tinfoil. and he never called me, even though I know I gave him my number. So the lesson here is, don't meet up with sergei for hot man action.
Defense: A+
Hitting: B-
Pitching: B-
Prediction: 87-75, and a bleeding rectum.
AL West
 |
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As usual I started the season wanting to trade for the future but once again that fell flat. Lost Lance Morris and the aforementioned Avila and replaced them with Howie Charles and Alfredo Saez, ugh. I'd link the players, but we all know no one clicks links. For the first time in a few seasons my expectations are much lower. In worlds that don't have a team like the Ueckers, this team might be a favourite, but as it is, it's an also-ran. If I had the ability to get people to give up their first born and any future earnings like foolsgold does it would be a different story. But since I usually only get offers I'd be willing accept if my IQ was less than half of it's current, I'm stuck with FA as the only way to reshape my team. You're all a bunch of fucking cocksuckers, selfish fucking pricks. Nothing personal.
Defense: B-
Hitting: A-
Pitching:A+
Prediction: More wins than losses, quick playoff exit
 |
| ||||||
This team has continued to improve every season, save season7, since shiish joined us in season5,. That's pretty impressive. Having said that, I'm not sure it will happen in season12. Defense is a strength in that it's good where it has to be, but the offense's mediocrity will be amplified by swinging in 81 games in Honolulu, while the pitching's mediocrity will be disguised by throwing in 81 games in Honolulu. I usually post last seasons predictions but my fiasco earlier took the wind out of my sails. I'm saying that because I think I underestimated this team last season.
Defense: B-
Hitting: C
Pitching: C
Prediction: 81-81
 |
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kemosabe is back mofos, deal wit' it, yo. He rep'asentin SLC, bitches. Yo, straight up, this be a rebuild, yo, but with respect. This is how we do. A'ight, yo, yo...ahhh fuck it, I don't know why i did that other than I'm going fucking nuts having sat here for 9 hours now, and losing half my previous work, just *poof* it's gone. Very good fielders to assist the yawn inducing pitching. The equally somnolent htiters won't do much to help out the fielders. Should see a good share of 4-2, 3-1 scores, but on the wrong side of the outcome. Plus, nine pitchers won't last the season.
Defense: A
Hitting: C
Pitching: Incomplete
Prediction: 69-93
And fina-fucking-ly,
 |
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Looks like another season of sorrow in Scottsdale. Oh those poor, imaginary fans. Must be a miserable existence being a Storm Trooper as the fans are ill-advisedly self-referred to as. Surely there must be light at the end of the tunnel. Go towards the light, that's it, go towards the light.
Defense: A
Hitting:C-
Pitching: C-
Prediction: 59-103
Well that's it. Good luck all.
And now some chick that could be your little sister, I dunno.
Simpsons connections to teams
Milwaukee:Episode DABF03, Sweets and Sour Marge, Springfield sets the world record for “World’s Fattest City” (“In your face, Milwaukee!”)
The city that gave us Laverne and Shirley, and Happy Days, continues to be shaked and baked. Foolsgold continues to co-erce owners to give up their first born, and bank account numbers, and his team continues to grow stronger. Huge departures have been offset with even huger arrivals.
Montreal:Episode KABF16, Treehouse of Horrors XIX, story 1 Untitled Robot Parody
Bart finds an Expos jersey in a bargain bin, weak I know.
Tacoma, Producers say Springfield is in the state of North Tacoma, apparently.
Portland: Matt Groening is from Portland and many characters and places are named after Portland Streets and landmarks.
New York: Episode 4F22, season 9 debut, The City of New York vs Homer Simpsons, there's kind of a squeamish moment in that one a guy yells "they stick all the jerks in Tower One" while Homer waits outside the World Trade Center.
Chicago: Episode JABF20, V,
Mr. Burns: So, Simpson, I hear you like pizza pie.
Homer: I do! My favorite is Chicago deep-dish.
Mr. Burns: Chicago, eh? Well, what if I took us there now?
Homer: Drive to Chicago? I don't have time for that. I have to be back at work by Monday and my boss is a total jerk.
Burlington: Episode HABF19, Moe 'NA' Lisa, Author Tom Wolfe calls Moe, inviting him to the fictional Wordloaf Literary Conference in Vermont, to honor his writing abilities.
Trenton: Episode 3GO1, the Springfield Files,
MULDER:Look at this Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
SCULLY:Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
MULDER:I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
Houston: Episode 5F13, The Little Wiggy,
Ralph Wiggum: I found a moonrock in my nose.
Bart Simpson: Houston, we have a booger.
Tampa Bay: MABF18, MoneyBART,
Bart: Look at me! I'm Tomakahzu Ohka of the Montreal Expos.
Milhouse: I'm Esteban Yan of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Richmond: No actual references or real connections that i could find and I'm too lazy to ensure that this is Richmond, Virginia, but Tom Wolfe appeared on the Simpsons and he's from Richmond, so suck on that.
Kansas City:
7G02 Homer is a little nervous about kissing Bart
7F07 Jimbo makes fun of Bart for liking Jebidiah by saying "He's your boyfriend!" {jk}
7F02 Harvey Fierstein guest-stars; his character, Karl, kisses Homer goodbye
7F15 Bart's "Homer Sexual" phone prank {hl}
7F15 Homer appraises Seymour Skinner as a "possible homer-sexual" {tm}
8F08 Some would say the "Flaming Moe" is a clever hint at Moe's sexuality (as well as the "Flaming Homer") {mf}
8F10 Homer accidentally tells Marge he's thinking about boys
8F12 Card catalog entry: "Football, homo-eroticism in"
8F16 Homer's three simple words: "I am gay" {hl}
8F18 Bart says Boswell of the "Worst Dressed" lists is "such a bitch" {hl}
8F23 Homer is afraid of hugging another man
9F04 Patty loses the last lingering thread of her heterosexuality after seeing Homer naked {hl}
9F06 Laura Powers suggests that Kearney and Dolph are boyfriends
9F07 Homer says some "Leave it To Beaver" cast members were gay {hl}
9F12 The "Bigger Brothers" made Tom sign a form promising he wouldn't kiss Bart
9F13 Homer's six simple words: "I'm not gay, but I'll learn" {hl}
9F15 Homer thinks Mr. Burns is coming on to him
9F15 Club "Adam and Adam" seen {ss}
9F22 McBain tells some off-color homosexual jokes {hl}
1F03 Chief Wiggum is cautious about making sure his inflatable women are really women
1F07 Lisa imagines that Homer may be obsessing over a man named Mandy
1F11 Homer comments lustily that Oliver North "was just POURED into that uniform!" {tm}
1F12 Lisa made the family march in gay rights parade {hl}
1F14 Carl thinks that Homer said that he and Flanders are gay {hl}
1F18 Bart instructs Skinner to make pass at his commanding officer {hl}
2F07 Homer accidently leafs through a Robert Mapplethorpe book {hl}
2F08 Homer wanders into the She/She Lounge (a lesbian bar) {hl}
2F09 Grampa is president of Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason {hl}
2F11 Kent Brockman lists who is gay {hl} (see below)
2F13 Homer reads "Uruguay" as "U-R-Gay" {hl}
2F31 Homer tricks Jay Sherman into telling Patty & Selma that MacGyver is gay {hl}
3F03 Home offers Dr. Hibbert "another hot beef injection"
3F12 Krusty's plane: the "I'm-on-a-Rolla-Gay"
3F15 Troy McClure tells Selma he's not gay but wished he was {hl}
3F16 Amendment-to-be threatens to tell that Ted Kennedy is gay {hl}
3F19 Baron von Wortzenberger yells to Bart and Grampa: "Hey, fun boys, get a room!," implying that they are gay
3F20 Homer says the "we're here, we're queer" chant {hl}
3F22 Lisa says Gore Vidal has kissed more boys than she ever will {hl}
3F22 Bart's "mystery date" is a boy ... who looks like Milhouse
3F24 Homer phones up a GBM (gay black male) he finds in the personal ads {hl}
3G02 Milhouse's file mentions several "flambouyantly homosexual tendencies" {eb}
3G04 The Navy is not allowed to ask Homer if he's a homosexual
3G04 At the Naval Reserve training Barney hung up a picture of Homer in some sort of lingerie (wonder how he got it) {cr}
3G04 The Village People perform a song
4F01 Lisa's band class chants "Uter likes Milhouse!" (cut in syndication) {tm}
4F01 Jimbo Jones says: "You kissed a girl! That is _so_ gay!"
4F06 Patty is photographed walking out of the Maison Derriere (a burlesque house aimed at men) {hl}
4F11 The episode explores Homer's homophobia. Many gay references throughout
One of three episodes with an overtly gay theme (see 4F11 and GABF04) {mh}
4F13 Title taken from "My Sister, My Sister," a movie about two lesbians
4F15 The gays and Italians are not a little bit Irish
4F20 The Love-o-Matic Grampa says Kearney is gay
5F12 Renee asks Moe if he's gay
5F14 Homer puts one of two unconscious government workers' hand on the other one's butt
5F16 Homer admires Ranier Wolfcastle's taut, rippling biceps
5F22 Nelson suggests that Bart wants to marry Milhouse
AABF06 Las Vegas theatrical productions: "Okla-Homo" and "Klon-Dyke"
AABF10 Homer trades away his "F-Series" Canyanero, afraid of seeming gay (he grasps Marge's purse with two hands as he says this)
AABF11 A few copies of "Jugs" will keep Captain MacCallister's men from resorting to homosexuality
AABF11 Possibly the most openly gay celebrity in the world, Elton John guest stars
AABF12 Marge writes "Krusty - Gay?" after hearing his story of picking up a transvestite
AABF15 Bart says he was a little attracted to Milhouse
AABF15 Lenny calls Carl "big guy" in the SNPP showers
AABF15 Akbar and Jeff, Matt Groening's supposedly gay "Life in Hell" characters, appear in a museam
AABF17 Jerry Rude has lesbian gladiators on his show {ss}
AABF17 Jerry Rude asks Mr. Burns about his first "gay" experience
AABF17 Arthur Fortune coerces two male pandas to mate successfully
AABF18 Posing for erotic photos, Homer says "It's time to get Homer-erotic."
AABF22 Skinner shows Bart a "king-sized flamer"
AABF22 Bart dresses up in cheerleaders' clothing from the pep closet ... Homer says "You might say he's coming out of the pep closet!"
AABF22 Marge hears about an adorable new bar where men dance with men
AABF23 Moe flirts with Mel Gibson
BABF04 Homer is disturbed and pre-occupied by Ned's skin-tight ski outfit, and utters "Stupid, sexy Flanders!"
BABF04 Homer and Bart see some gay guys get married in Hawaii
BABF07 Homer wants "a non-gay explanation" for Bart's and Milhouse's cross-dressing {em}
BABF08 Pirates mistake Burns' yacht for a homosexual party boat ("They always have such nice things!")
BABF10 Chief Wiggum would date Ned in a second if he were gay
BABF11 Qtoktok and Ak want to Marry Craig and Amy
BABF12 Bart and Lisa wander into the Gay Republicans' headquarters
Homer says he's a little turned on by Moe
BABF13 In the future, Ned Flanders is grateful that Bart hasn't outing Rod and Todd
Lisa becomes America's first straight female President
BABF14 To stay afloat, Moe's Bar is going to have to go "queer"
BABF19 Bart engages in "interracial homoeroticism", paying Lenny and Carl $,1000 each to kiss each other
BABF19 Apparently, Huckleberry Hound was in the closet
BABF21 Homer considers Lenny an attractive co-worker
BABF22 Homer's threat and aversion to "that cat making out with that mouse" are an abstract allusion to homophobia
CABF02 The Comic Book Guy crosses "the final frontier" and visits Mr. X's website, which he thinks contains male porn
CABF05 The other guys in prison told Jack Crowley that the strongmen were gay
CABF06 Bart misses the "Itchy & Scratchy" episode where they finally kiss
CABF14 A gentleman of high culture, Cletus tells Homer he could be "one of them TV magic queers"
CABF15 Nelson gets the wrong idea when Ned Flanders calls him "beautiful"
CABF17 The Simpsons' hobo friend impersonates two of his hobo friends kissing each other
EABF12 Homer is kissed by one of his gay roomates
One of three episodes with an overtly gay theme (see 4F11 and GABF04) {mh}
GABF04 Marge's sister Patty announces she is gay and intends to marry
One of three episodes with an overtly gay theme (see 4F11 and EABF12)
The first and only episode to have a parental advisory notice aired {mh}
GABF12 Bart and Lisa each claim the other is "gay for Moleman"; Moleman laments that "No one's gay for Moleman" {mh}
Vancouver: Episode MABF05, Boy Meets Curl
(First off a factoid I found: the avarage two level house in Vancouver sells for $987,500, holy fuck)
The whole episode weakly revolves around the family at the 2010 Winter Games. Yawn.
Honolulu: Episode BABF04, Little Big Mom
At the needle hut, Bart sits on a bench and enjoys the tranquil
beauty of Hawaii. The peaceful scene is marred only by Homer's
painful screams as he undergoes the leprosy treatment. A sign behind Bart reads, "Now needling: 01." Hearing his father's cries
Bart says to himself that he's glad it's not him. Then he looks at his own ticket, which reads, "02."
Salt Lake City: AABF01, Treehouse of Horror,
When the aliens Kang and Kodos knock on the Simpson's door, Homer answers and says "Great. Mormons!"
Scottsdale: JABF01, Kill Gil v1&2
A timely Chrismas episode wherein ol' Gil wears out his welcome and finds fleeting success in Scottsdale. I often get that "Happy Holidays" song stuck in my fucking head.
The city that gave us Laverne and Shirley, and Happy Days, continues to be shaked and baked. Foolsgold continues to co-erce owners to give up their first born, and bank account numbers, and his team continues to grow stronger. Huge departures have been offset with even huger arrivals.
Montreal:Episode KABF16, Treehouse of Horrors XIX, story 1 Untitled Robot Parody
Bart finds an Expos jersey in a bargain bin, weak I know.
Tacoma, Producers say Springfield is in the state of North Tacoma, apparently.
Portland: Matt Groening is from Portland and many characters and places are named after Portland Streets and landmarks.
New York: Episode 4F22, season 9 debut, The City of New York vs Homer Simpsons, there's kind of a squeamish moment in that one a guy yells "they stick all the jerks in Tower One" while Homer waits outside the World Trade Center.
Chicago: Episode JABF20, V,
Mr. Burns: So, Simpson, I hear you like pizza pie.
Homer: I do! My favorite is Chicago deep-dish.
Mr. Burns: Chicago, eh? Well, what if I took us there now?
Homer: Drive to Chicago? I don't have time for that. I have to be back at work by Monday and my boss is a total jerk.
Burlington: Episode HABF19, Moe 'NA' Lisa, Author Tom Wolfe calls Moe, inviting him to the fictional Wordloaf Literary Conference in Vermont, to honor his writing abilities.
Trenton: Episode 3GO1, the Springfield Files,
MULDER:Look at this Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
SCULLY:Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
MULDER:I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
Houston: Episode 5F13, The Little Wiggy,
Ralph Wiggum: I found a moonrock in my nose.
Bart Simpson: Houston, we have a booger.
Tampa Bay: MABF18, MoneyBART,
Bart: Look at me! I'm Tomakahzu Ohka of the Montreal Expos.
Milhouse: I'm Esteban Yan of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Richmond: No actual references or real connections that i could find and I'm too lazy to ensure that this is Richmond, Virginia, but Tom Wolfe appeared on the Simpsons and he's from Richmond, so suck on that.
Kansas City:
7G02 Homer is a little nervous about kissing Bart
7F07 Jimbo makes fun of Bart for liking Jebidiah by saying "He's your boyfriend!" {jk}
7F02 Harvey Fierstein guest-stars; his character, Karl, kisses Homer goodbye
7F15 Bart's "Homer Sexual" phone prank {hl}
7F15 Homer appraises Seymour Skinner as a "possible homer-sexual" {tm}
8F08 Some would say the "Flaming Moe" is a clever hint at Moe's sexuality (as well as the "Flaming Homer") {mf}
8F10 Homer accidentally tells Marge he's thinking about boys
8F12 Card catalog entry: "Football, homo-eroticism in"
8F16 Homer's three simple words: "I am gay" {hl}
8F18 Bart says Boswell of the "Worst Dressed" lists is "such a bitch" {hl}
8F23 Homer is afraid of hugging another man
9F04 Patty loses the last lingering thread of her heterosexuality after seeing Homer naked {hl}
9F06 Laura Powers suggests that Kearney and Dolph are boyfriends
9F07 Homer says some "Leave it To Beaver" cast members were gay {hl}
9F12 The "Bigger Brothers" made Tom sign a form promising he wouldn't kiss Bart
9F13 Homer's six simple words: "I'm not gay, but I'll learn" {hl}
9F15 Homer thinks Mr. Burns is coming on to him
9F15 Club "Adam and Adam" seen {ss}
9F22 McBain tells some off-color homosexual jokes {hl}
1F03 Chief Wiggum is cautious about making sure his inflatable women are really women
1F07 Lisa imagines that Homer may be obsessing over a man named Mandy
1F11 Homer comments lustily that Oliver North "was just POURED into that uniform!" {tm}
1F12 Lisa made the family march in gay rights parade {hl}
1F14 Carl thinks that Homer said that he and Flanders are gay {hl}
1F18 Bart instructs Skinner to make pass at his commanding officer {hl}
2F07 Homer accidently leafs through a Robert Mapplethorpe book {hl}
2F08 Homer wanders into the She/She Lounge (a lesbian bar) {hl}
2F09 Grampa is president of Gay and Lesbian Alliance for some reason {hl}
2F11 Kent Brockman lists who is gay {hl} (see below)
2F13 Homer reads "Uruguay" as "U-R-Gay" {hl}
2F31 Homer tricks Jay Sherman into telling Patty & Selma that MacGyver is gay {hl}
3F03 Home offers Dr. Hibbert "another hot beef injection"
3F12 Krusty's plane: the "I'm-on-a-Rolla-Gay"
3F15 Troy McClure tells Selma he's not gay but wished he was {hl}
3F16 Amendment-to-be threatens to tell that Ted Kennedy is gay {hl}
3F19 Baron von Wortzenberger yells to Bart and Grampa: "Hey, fun boys, get a room!," implying that they are gay
3F20 Homer says the "we're here, we're queer" chant {hl}
3F22 Lisa says Gore Vidal has kissed more boys than she ever will {hl}
3F22 Bart's "mystery date" is a boy ... who looks like Milhouse
3F24 Homer phones up a GBM (gay black male) he finds in the personal ads {hl}
3G02 Milhouse's file mentions several "flambouyantly homosexual tendencies" {eb}
3G04 The Navy is not allowed to ask Homer if he's a homosexual
3G04 At the Naval Reserve training Barney hung up a picture of Homer in some sort of lingerie (wonder how he got it) {cr}
3G04 The Village People perform a song
4F01 Lisa's band class chants "Uter likes Milhouse!" (cut in syndication) {tm}
4F01 Jimbo Jones says: "You kissed a girl! That is _so_ gay!"
4F06 Patty is photographed walking out of the Maison Derriere (a burlesque house aimed at men) {hl}
4F11 The episode explores Homer's homophobia. Many gay references throughout
One of three episodes with an overtly gay theme (see 4F11 and GABF04) {mh}
4F13 Title taken from "My Sister, My Sister," a movie about two lesbians
4F15 The gays and Italians are not a little bit Irish
4F20 The Love-o-Matic Grampa says Kearney is gay
5F12 Renee asks Moe if he's gay
5F14 Homer puts one of two unconscious government workers' hand on the other one's butt
5F16 Homer admires Ranier Wolfcastle's taut, rippling biceps
5F22 Nelson suggests that Bart wants to marry Milhouse
AABF06 Las Vegas theatrical productions: "Okla-Homo" and "Klon-Dyke"
AABF10 Homer trades away his "F-Series" Canyanero, afraid of seeming gay (he grasps Marge's purse with two hands as he says this)
AABF11 A few copies of "Jugs" will keep Captain MacCallister's men from resorting to homosexuality
AABF11 Possibly the most openly gay celebrity in the world, Elton John guest stars
AABF12 Marge writes "Krusty - Gay?" after hearing his story of picking up a transvestite
AABF15 Bart says he was a little attracted to Milhouse
AABF15 Lenny calls Carl "big guy" in the SNPP showers
AABF15 Akbar and Jeff, Matt Groening's supposedly gay "Life in Hell" characters, appear in a museam
AABF17 Jerry Rude has lesbian gladiators on his show {ss}
AABF17 Jerry Rude asks Mr. Burns about his first "gay" experience
AABF17 Arthur Fortune coerces two male pandas to mate successfully
AABF18 Posing for erotic photos, Homer says "It's time to get Homer-erotic."
AABF22 Skinner shows Bart a "king-sized flamer"
AABF22 Bart dresses up in cheerleaders' clothing from the pep closet ... Homer says "You might say he's coming out of the pep closet!"
AABF22 Marge hears about an adorable new bar where men dance with men
AABF23 Moe flirts with Mel Gibson
BABF04 Homer is disturbed and pre-occupied by Ned's skin-tight ski outfit, and utters "Stupid, sexy Flanders!"
BABF04 Homer and Bart see some gay guys get married in Hawaii
BABF07 Homer wants "a non-gay explanation" for Bart's and Milhouse's cross-dressing {em}
BABF08 Pirates mistake Burns' yacht for a homosexual party boat ("They always have such nice things!")
BABF10 Chief Wiggum would date Ned in a second if he were gay
BABF11 Qtoktok and Ak want to Marry Craig and Amy
BABF12 Bart and Lisa wander into the Gay Republicans' headquarters
Homer says he's a little turned on by Moe
BABF13 In the future, Ned Flanders is grateful that Bart hasn't outing Rod and Todd
Lisa becomes America's first straight female President
BABF14 To stay afloat, Moe's Bar is going to have to go "queer"
BABF19 Bart engages in "interracial homoeroticism", paying Lenny and Carl $,1000 each to kiss each other
BABF19 Apparently, Huckleberry Hound was in the closet
BABF21 Homer considers Lenny an attractive co-worker
BABF22 Homer's threat and aversion to "that cat making out with that mouse" are an abstract allusion to homophobia
CABF02 The Comic Book Guy crosses "the final frontier" and visits Mr. X's website, which he thinks contains male porn
CABF05 The other guys in prison told Jack Crowley that the strongmen were gay
CABF06 Bart misses the "Itchy & Scratchy" episode where they finally kiss
CABF14 A gentleman of high culture, Cletus tells Homer he could be "one of them TV magic queers"
CABF15 Nelson gets the wrong idea when Ned Flanders calls him "beautiful"
CABF17 The Simpsons' hobo friend impersonates two of his hobo friends kissing each other
EABF12 Homer is kissed by one of his gay roomates
One of three episodes with an overtly gay theme (see 4F11 and GABF04) {mh}
GABF04 Marge's sister Patty announces she is gay and intends to marry
One of three episodes with an overtly gay theme (see 4F11 and EABF12)
The first and only episode to have a parental advisory notice aired {mh}
GABF12 Bart and Lisa each claim the other is "gay for Moleman"; Moleman laments that "No one's gay for Moleman" {mh}
Vancouver: Episode MABF05, Boy Meets Curl
(First off a factoid I found: the avarage two level house in Vancouver sells for $987,500, holy fuck)
The whole episode weakly revolves around the family at the 2010 Winter Games. Yawn.
Honolulu: Episode BABF04, Little Big Mom
At the needle hut, Bart sits on a bench and enjoys the tranquil
beauty of Hawaii. The peaceful scene is marred only by Homer's
painful screams as he undergoes the leprosy treatment. A sign behind Bart reads, "Now needling: 01." Hearing his father's cries
Bart says to himself that he's glad it's not him. Then he looks at his own ticket, which reads, "02."
Salt Lake City: AABF01, Treehouse of Horror,
When the aliens Kang and Kodos knock on the Simpson's door, Homer answers and says "Great. Mormons!"
Scottsdale: JABF01, Kill Gil v1&2
A timely Chrismas episode wherein ol' Gil wears out his welcome and finds fleeting success in Scottsdale. I often get that "Happy Holidays" song stuck in my fucking head.
Monday, December 27, 2010
NL West S12
Albuquerque Sandias: 102-60 in S11, 1st in division, WS champs, 10 inch cocks
After winning the division four of the first five seasons, the franchise took a few steps back, only getting a wild card spot in two of the next five seasons, and even having a sub .500 record in S8. A trade here, a trade there, a signing over here, and S11 yielded the team's first 100+ win season, and their first world series title. Most of the key players are back, with Hemphill, Cerveza and Bailey being the FA losses. The team will look to the AAA ranks for replacements at SS and CF, and acquired Bailey's replacement when Austin Pfeffer came over in the Mendez trade. One of the top offenses last season, they led the NL in runs scored, and led the entire world in batting average and stolen bases. Nearly a top 5 ERA in the world, the pitching helped keep them in games when the offense couldn't bail them out. With so many pieces back from last season, they have to be an early favorite to make an apperance in the NLCS again.
Batting: A
Pitching: B+
Fielding: B-
Prediction: 94-68, 2nd in division
Salem Ownage: 94-68 in S11, 2nd in division, wild card
Division winner five of the last six seasons, Salem is not ready to hand over the crown to Albuquerque, as evidenced by another $130M+ payroll this season. Only $4M in prospect, is that even possible? Salem made one move during the offseason, acquiring Yamil Dali to help at catcher, and to give another big bat to the lineup. Otherwise the roster looks very similar to last season, with Singleton, Saez, Clarke and Ramirez providing most of the offense, while Greenberg and Collins fight over who gets the title of "ace" on the pitching staff.
Batting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 99-63, 1st in division
Las Vegas Bandits: 89-73 in S11, 3rd in division
The best season in franchise history still saw them come up short in their search for a playoff spot. 89 wins is nothing to sneeze at, but in the uber competitive NL, it wasn't quite enough. Vegas signed Jeff Hemphill to patrol their CF, but otherwise kept the roster very much like last season. Payton, Krivda, Aguilera, and Santiago are still smacking the shit out of the ball, and could give both Salem and Albuquerque a run for the title of "most prolific offense in the NL" this season. The question mark is their pitching staff, which has two or three good starters, and two or three good guys in the bullpen, but then a pretty sizeable drop off in talent.
Batting: A
Pitching: C
Fielding: B
Prediction: 90-72, 3rd in division
Colorado Swingers: 66-96 in S11, 4th in division
Eleven seasons, no playoffs. Colorado fans have suffered for a long time now. Their team can score runs and play .500 ball, but in this division, .500 ball doesn't cut it. Last season was the worst since the mesapitfan days, but it wasn't because of ownership not trying. Washington, Nathan, Nakajima and Strickland provide plenty of offense. And ownership has clearly targeted groundball pitchers, to help keep the opposition's HR count low, as every pitcher at the ML level has a GB/FB rating of no lower than 70. Serrano, Aguilera, and Wright lead the way for the pitching staff, but it's always hard to put up decent numbers in a ballpark like that. If your offense doesn't get you 10 runs, you have a hard time keeping pace with the other guys.
Batting: B
Pitching: C+
Fielding: B
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division
After winning the division four of the first five seasons, the franchise took a few steps back, only getting a wild card spot in two of the next five seasons, and even having a sub .500 record in S8. A trade here, a trade there, a signing over here, and S11 yielded the team's first 100+ win season, and their first world series title. Most of the key players are back, with Hemphill, Cerveza and Bailey being the FA losses. The team will look to the AAA ranks for replacements at SS and CF, and acquired Bailey's replacement when Austin Pfeffer came over in the Mendez trade. One of the top offenses last season, they led the NL in runs scored, and led the entire world in batting average and stolen bases. Nearly a top 5 ERA in the world, the pitching helped keep them in games when the offense couldn't bail them out. With so many pieces back from last season, they have to be an early favorite to make an apperance in the NLCS again.
Batting: A
Pitching: B+
Fielding: B-
Prediction: 94-68, 2nd in division
Salem Ownage: 94-68 in S11, 2nd in division, wild card
Division winner five of the last six seasons, Salem is not ready to hand over the crown to Albuquerque, as evidenced by another $130M+ payroll this season. Only $4M in prospect, is that even possible? Salem made one move during the offseason, acquiring Yamil Dali to help at catcher, and to give another big bat to the lineup. Otherwise the roster looks very similar to last season, with Singleton, Saez, Clarke and Ramirez providing most of the offense, while Greenberg and Collins fight over who gets the title of "ace" on the pitching staff.
Batting: A
Pitching: A
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 99-63, 1st in division
Las Vegas Bandits: 89-73 in S11, 3rd in division
The best season in franchise history still saw them come up short in their search for a playoff spot. 89 wins is nothing to sneeze at, but in the uber competitive NL, it wasn't quite enough. Vegas signed Jeff Hemphill to patrol their CF, but otherwise kept the roster very much like last season. Payton, Krivda, Aguilera, and Santiago are still smacking the shit out of the ball, and could give both Salem and Albuquerque a run for the title of "most prolific offense in the NL" this season. The question mark is their pitching staff, which has two or three good starters, and two or three good guys in the bullpen, but then a pretty sizeable drop off in talent.
Batting: A
Pitching: C
Fielding: B
Prediction: 90-72, 3rd in division
Colorado Swingers: 66-96 in S11, 4th in division
Eleven seasons, no playoffs. Colorado fans have suffered for a long time now. Their team can score runs and play .500 ball, but in this division, .500 ball doesn't cut it. Last season was the worst since the mesapitfan days, but it wasn't because of ownership not trying. Washington, Nathan, Nakajima and Strickland provide plenty of offense. And ownership has clearly targeted groundball pitchers, to help keep the opposition's HR count low, as every pitcher at the ML level has a GB/FB rating of no lower than 70. Serrano, Aguilera, and Wright lead the way for the pitching staff, but it's always hard to put up decent numbers in a ballpark like that. If your offense doesn't get you 10 runs, you have a hard time keeping pace with the other guys.
Batting: B
Pitching: C+
Fielding: B
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division
NL South S12
Jacksonville Jimmies: 99-63 in S11, 1st in division, lost in NLCS
Bouncing back from only the second sub .500 season in franchise history during S10, the Jimmies nearly won 100 games in S11. Their answer to a 4 games to 1 loss in the NLCS? Um, silence apparently. No movement in the FA market, no trades, virtually the same player salaries as last season, it looks like the Jimmies are coming into S12 with the same game plan as last season, and hoping they get a few more bounces their way. Future HOF Neal is still behind the plate, and the rest of the league is hoping he takes a back-swing to the head. But some of the team's supporting cast left via free agency, so it will be interesting to see how the team does this year. Yovani Rojas made a brief appearance last season, and should be a mainstay in the rotation this year.
Batting: B
Pitching: B+
Fielding: C-
Prediction: 88-74, 1st in division
El Paso Mancos: 97-65 in S11, 2nd in division, wild card
After a couple of down seasons, bluegreyjay has this squad heading in the right direction. The Mancos got a good deal on future HOFer Roosevelt Brower, and bullpen help with Stone Diggins. Combine Brower with the bats of Ryan, Shea, Nakajima and Ashley, the Mancos are looking at a pretty potent offense. Pitching wise, they're in good shape too, as long as none of their starters get injured. Could this be the year that the Mancos win the division? It hasn't happened for this franchise since season 1, back when jubs won the WS.
Batting: A-
Pitching: B
Fielding: C
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in division
Jackson Generals: 74-88 in S11, 3rd in division
It wasn't so much a splash, as it was a cannonball from the roof of the house into the pool, when the Generals signed Lance Morris to a max deal. A 40-40 guy playing a solid 2B or CF, he's the guy everyone in the South hoped wouldn't come to their division. The question is whether this one player is enough to turn around a franchise that has been steadily slipping since its WS appearance back in S5. They still have Wagner and Wilkerson to help out Morris, and their pitching is solid but lacking a true ace. Vladimir Vazquez is that ace, but he's still a year or two from the Bigs. Same goes for Scott Reames, who we won't see until S13 at the earliest.
Batting: B
Pitching: C+
Fielding: C
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division
New Orleans Posse: 73-89 in S11, 4th in division
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43rTTI_0rpI
A decent start for dennis was followed by three painfully bad seasons, until the team finally got their shit together with a near .500 season and then a division championship in S10. A bit of a slip last season put them back below .500 again. One trade so far this season helped them bring in Mo Kydd to help Lowell, Yearwood, Oliver, and Gonzales. Pitching wise, they have plenty of SP-caliber guys, lots of depth in the stamina department. Will it be enough to get them back to the division lead? They're in one of the toughest divisions in the entire world, so.....
Batting: B+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 80-82, 2nd in division
Bouncing back from only the second sub .500 season in franchise history during S10, the Jimmies nearly won 100 games in S11. Their answer to a 4 games to 1 loss in the NLCS? Um, silence apparently. No movement in the FA market, no trades, virtually the same player salaries as last season, it looks like the Jimmies are coming into S12 with the same game plan as last season, and hoping they get a few more bounces their way. Future HOF Neal is still behind the plate, and the rest of the league is hoping he takes a back-swing to the head. But some of the team's supporting cast left via free agency, so it will be interesting to see how the team does this year. Yovani Rojas made a brief appearance last season, and should be a mainstay in the rotation this year.
Batting: B
Pitching: B+
Fielding: C-
Prediction: 88-74, 1st in division
El Paso Mancos: 97-65 in S11, 2nd in division, wild card
After a couple of down seasons, bluegreyjay has this squad heading in the right direction. The Mancos got a good deal on future HOFer Roosevelt Brower, and bullpen help with Stone Diggins. Combine Brower with the bats of Ryan, Shea, Nakajima and Ashley, the Mancos are looking at a pretty potent offense. Pitching wise, they're in good shape too, as long as none of their starters get injured. Could this be the year that the Mancos win the division? It hasn't happened for this franchise since season 1, back when jubs won the WS.
Batting: A-
Pitching: B
Fielding: C
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in division
Jackson Generals: 74-88 in S11, 3rd in division
It wasn't so much a splash, as it was a cannonball from the roof of the house into the pool, when the Generals signed Lance Morris to a max deal. A 40-40 guy playing a solid 2B or CF, he's the guy everyone in the South hoped wouldn't come to their division. The question is whether this one player is enough to turn around a franchise that has been steadily slipping since its WS appearance back in S5. They still have Wagner and Wilkerson to help out Morris, and their pitching is solid but lacking a true ace. Vladimir Vazquez is that ace, but he's still a year or two from the Bigs. Same goes for Scott Reames, who we won't see until S13 at the earliest.
Batting: B
Pitching: C+
Fielding: C
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in division
New Orleans Posse: 73-89 in S11, 4th in division
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43rTTI_0rpI
A decent start for dennis was followed by three painfully bad seasons, until the team finally got their shit together with a near .500 season and then a division championship in S10. A bit of a slip last season put them back below .500 again. One trade so far this season helped them bring in Mo Kydd to help Lowell, Yearwood, Oliver, and Gonzales. Pitching wise, they have plenty of SP-caliber guys, lots of depth in the stamina department. Will it be enough to get them back to the division lead? They're in one of the toughest divisions in the entire world, so.....
Batting: B+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: B+
Prediction: 80-82, 2nd in division
NL East S12
St Louis Oxbows: 85-77 in S11, 1st in division
I had to google "oxbows" to figure out what the fuck this team name was. It brought me back to fifth grade, when I probably first heard the word in class. Can't imagine why I would forget a vocab word like that. jstnklly is running another big budget this year, with nearly $116M in player salaries right now, and room for a few more million if necessary. Other than the advanced scouting department, every other scout in the building was thrown out on their asses after S11, with the team running 0's across the board for college, high school, and international scouting. They instead chose to spend that money on David Canseco, who is likely their opening day 3B. Tex Lombardi was also a big winner in the FA market, getting a hair over $100M over the next five seasons. In order to make room for those guys, the Oxbows had to ditch Spahn's contract, so he and Hamilton went to Milwaukee for a shitty prospect and Brandon Carter. Big losers in that deal, St Louis is hoping Canseco and Lombardi can put up better numbers.
Batting: B+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 81-81, 1st in the division
Durham Bulls: 73-89 in S11, 2nd in the division
I'd love to see a poll of which owners in all of HBD have had a team named the Durham Bulls during their time playing this game. I've probably had two or three teams named after the Bulls. Is there a more popular team name? Maybe the Yankees or the Red Sox? Well after four really bad seasons in a row, the Bulls started to play near .500 ball the last two seasons. Going after Bubba Coles this offseason was certainly a sign that the franchise wants to make some noise in their division. They also brought in Dean Bailey to help their bullpen, and despite his AARP card, he should contribute to those late innings. Trading for Brent Singleton also gives some help to the bullpen. Bud Perez is hoping for a good sophomore season, and everyone in Durham is excited about his potential, along with that of Alexander Kelley. This young team is pretty scary already, and they're only going to get better with age.
Batting: B+
Pitching: B-
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 80-82, 2nd in division
Baltimore Terrapins: 71-91 in S11, 3rd in division
Slip sliding away, these guys have moved further and further down the standings each of the last few years. A world series appearance in S8, they then couldn't make it out of the first round the next season, and missed the playoffs altogether in seasons 10 and 11. Slashing salary left and right, they come into opening day with only $45M committed to player salaries. They stayed out of the FA market, but made a trade with KC that netted them the much sought after Dick King, along with Rich Moore and Ralph James. Hello rebuild.
Batting: C
Pitching: C-
Fielding: C-
Prediction: 65-97, 3rd in division
Hartford Insurance Men: 62-100 in S11, 4th in division
The first 100 loss season since the days of hbdgirl and her tank jobs, last season was the low-light for this proud franchise, and I was really crossing my fingers that I would find a big time FA signing or a major trade that I might have missed. But alas, the Insurance Men are still resting their hopes on the supple shoulders of Alejandro Lee, who was recently quoted as saying "I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Have you ever been to Hartford? It's a shit hole. My salary this season is enough that I could probably buy ten city blocks of this town, and all of the people living there. All I do is win silver slugger awards and MVP's, and these assholes can't get me any help. I love Vin, but he can't pitch everyday. Neil and Starr are gone. I wish they had traded me instead of Pizzaro, then maybe I'd have a world series under my belt." Sad, sad days in Hartford.
Batting: C
Pitching: C-
Fielding: D-
Prediction: 55-107, 4th in the division
I had to google "oxbows" to figure out what the fuck this team name was. It brought me back to fifth grade, when I probably first heard the word in class. Can't imagine why I would forget a vocab word like that. jstnklly is running another big budget this year, with nearly $116M in player salaries right now, and room for a few more million if necessary. Other than the advanced scouting department, every other scout in the building was thrown out on their asses after S11, with the team running 0's across the board for college, high school, and international scouting. They instead chose to spend that money on David Canseco, who is likely their opening day 3B. Tex Lombardi was also a big winner in the FA market, getting a hair over $100M over the next five seasons. In order to make room for those guys, the Oxbows had to ditch Spahn's contract, so he and Hamilton went to Milwaukee for a shitty prospect and Brandon Carter. Big losers in that deal, St Louis is hoping Canseco and Lombardi can put up better numbers.
Batting: B+
Pitching: B+
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 81-81, 1st in the division
Durham Bulls: 73-89 in S11, 2nd in the division
I'd love to see a poll of which owners in all of HBD have had a team named the Durham Bulls during their time playing this game. I've probably had two or three teams named after the Bulls. Is there a more popular team name? Maybe the Yankees or the Red Sox? Well after four really bad seasons in a row, the Bulls started to play near .500 ball the last two seasons. Going after Bubba Coles this offseason was certainly a sign that the franchise wants to make some noise in their division. They also brought in Dean Bailey to help their bullpen, and despite his AARP card, he should contribute to those late innings. Trading for Brent Singleton also gives some help to the bullpen. Bud Perez is hoping for a good sophomore season, and everyone in Durham is excited about his potential, along with that of Alexander Kelley. This young team is pretty scary already, and they're only going to get better with age.
Batting: B+
Pitching: B-
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 80-82, 2nd in division
Baltimore Terrapins: 71-91 in S11, 3rd in division
Slip sliding away, these guys have moved further and further down the standings each of the last few years. A world series appearance in S8, they then couldn't make it out of the first round the next season, and missed the playoffs altogether in seasons 10 and 11. Slashing salary left and right, they come into opening day with only $45M committed to player salaries. They stayed out of the FA market, but made a trade with KC that netted them the much sought after Dick King, along with Rich Moore and Ralph James. Hello rebuild.
Batting: C
Pitching: C-
Fielding: C-
Prediction: 65-97, 3rd in division
Hartford Insurance Men: 62-100 in S11, 4th in division
The first 100 loss season since the days of hbdgirl and her tank jobs, last season was the low-light for this proud franchise, and I was really crossing my fingers that I would find a big time FA signing or a major trade that I might have missed. But alas, the Insurance Men are still resting their hopes on the supple shoulders of Alejandro Lee, who was recently quoted as saying "I can't wait to get the fuck out of here. Have you ever been to Hartford? It's a shit hole. My salary this season is enough that I could probably buy ten city blocks of this town, and all of the people living there. All I do is win silver slugger awards and MVP's, and these assholes can't get me any help. I love Vin, but he can't pitch everyday. Neil and Starr are gone. I wish they had traded me instead of Pizzaro, then maybe I'd have a world series under my belt." Sad, sad days in Hartford.
Batting: C
Pitching: C-
Fielding: D-
Prediction: 55-107, 4th in the division
NL North S12
Philly Phanatics (83-79 in S11, 1st in the division)
The tenth season in a row that this franchise has run a $100M+ payroll, international scouts have stopped sending their resumes to Philadelphia, as they know it's a waste of money and paper and time at this point. The front office has fired more and more high school and college scouts over the years. Word on the street is that the high school scouting department is simply the owner's son, who sits in the mail room and reads Junior Baseball. The team's only "big" free agent signing was Vic Mota, who should see a fair amount of time at catcher this season, splitting time with Kaufman. Trading away Santiago Johnson hurts their firepower a little bit, but the primary goal of the trade he was involved in was to ditch some salary, as Philly dropped nearly $20M in salary, while only bringing back in about $8M. Crawford, Seneca, Blackley, and Treadway are still the team's leaders, with Matthews hoping to lend some help this season. The question is whether this addition-by-subtraction plan will work for the franchise.
Batting: C+
Pitching: C+
Fielding: C
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in division
Iowa City Corn-ish Hens (80-82 in S11, 3rd in Division, no WC)
Back and forth, back and forth, this squad has alternated from 3rd to 1st to 3rd to 1st to 3rd over the last five seasons. So they should win the division this season, right? Signing Alfredo Mendoza was a good start, and at a bargain price of $6.25M each of the next four seasons, that ain't too bad. Meanwhile, the Hens were on the other side of that trade with Philly that netted them Santiago Johnson, Al Navarro, and Dixie Logan. They took on a bunch of salary, but got some really solid players. Their other big deal saw them bring Julian Mendez in to play 2B. On top of that, they still have Suh, Howry, and Bong. I might have just talked myself into picking them for their bi-annual division win.
Batting: B-
Pitching: B-
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 88-74, 1st in the division
Helena Homies (80-82 in S11, 2nd in the division, no WC)
Hey andersaa, your team is running on AI right now. After chadtv posted a 243-405 record in four seasons with this franchise, andersaa has since thrown up a 235-251 record in three seasons, which ain't too shabby when you look at what he had to work with. Running around $75M in payroll, he's not pussy-footing and throwing around lines like "I'm gonna rebuild from the ground up," which we all know is code for "I'm gonna trade away everyone making more than the minimum, so my team will suck, and I'm gonna tank the shit out of this squad all the way to the first overall pick." And what's he using that cash on? Slugger Art Walker was a Type B they signed this offseason. Chris Matthews isn't getting any younger, but he's a bargain at $10.4M over two seasons, and he'll still get the team 175 quality innings this season before probably going to the bullpen in S13. One of the biggest trades this season brought Dan Hernandez, Dizzy Allen, and Omar Valdez to Helena. Allen is a 40-40 guy who OPS's at 1.000+ and is a 4-time MVP who is a sure thing for the HOF. I wish he was still in the AL.
Batting: A-
Pitching: B
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 84-78, 2nd in division
Cincinnati Red Thumpers: (76-86 in S11, 4th in the division)
The lowest payroll in the division at about $47M as this is written, the squad actually has $79M allocated to salaries, so maybe they will try to make a play for a big trade as the season moves along. Or $30M will get moved into the prospect pile. Considering the allocations are exactly the same as last season, me thinks statman527 missed budgeting day. Despite the money available to signing players, Cincy chose to stay out of the FA market and made no trades, meaning the team is coming into S12 with basically the same roster as last season. When everyone else in your division makes major changes, and you don't, and you finished in last place the season before....that doesn't bode well. Benny Lewis makes his ML debut this season, and the rest of the roster is full of young guns (only two guys on the ML roster are 30 or older), so the future looks bright. But S12, not so much.
Batting: C-
Pitching: C
Fielding: B
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in the division
The tenth season in a row that this franchise has run a $100M+ payroll, international scouts have stopped sending their resumes to Philadelphia, as they know it's a waste of money and paper and time at this point. The front office has fired more and more high school and college scouts over the years. Word on the street is that the high school scouting department is simply the owner's son, who sits in the mail room and reads Junior Baseball. The team's only "big" free agent signing was Vic Mota, who should see a fair amount of time at catcher this season, splitting time with Kaufman. Trading away Santiago Johnson hurts their firepower a little bit, but the primary goal of the trade he was involved in was to ditch some salary, as Philly dropped nearly $20M in salary, while only bringing back in about $8M. Crawford, Seneca, Blackley, and Treadway are still the team's leaders, with Matthews hoping to lend some help this season. The question is whether this addition-by-subtraction plan will work for the franchise.
Batting: C+
Pitching: C+
Fielding: C
Prediction: 78-84, 3rd in division
Iowa City Corn-ish Hens (80-82 in S11, 3rd in Division, no WC)
Back and forth, back and forth, this squad has alternated from 3rd to 1st to 3rd to 1st to 3rd over the last five seasons. So they should win the division this season, right? Signing Alfredo Mendoza was a good start, and at a bargain price of $6.25M each of the next four seasons, that ain't too bad. Meanwhile, the Hens were on the other side of that trade with Philly that netted them Santiago Johnson, Al Navarro, and Dixie Logan. They took on a bunch of salary, but got some really solid players. Their other big deal saw them bring Julian Mendez in to play 2B. On top of that, they still have Suh, Howry, and Bong. I might have just talked myself into picking them for their bi-annual division win.
Batting: B-
Pitching: B-
Fielding: A-
Prediction: 88-74, 1st in the division
Helena Homies (80-82 in S11, 2nd in the division, no WC)
Hey andersaa, your team is running on AI right now. After chadtv posted a 243-405 record in four seasons with this franchise, andersaa has since thrown up a 235-251 record in three seasons, which ain't too shabby when you look at what he had to work with. Running around $75M in payroll, he's not pussy-footing and throwing around lines like "I'm gonna rebuild from the ground up," which we all know is code for "I'm gonna trade away everyone making more than the minimum, so my team will suck, and I'm gonna tank the shit out of this squad all the way to the first overall pick." And what's he using that cash on? Slugger Art Walker was a Type B they signed this offseason. Chris Matthews isn't getting any younger, but he's a bargain at $10.4M over two seasons, and he'll still get the team 175 quality innings this season before probably going to the bullpen in S13. One of the biggest trades this season brought Dan Hernandez, Dizzy Allen, and Omar Valdez to Helena. Allen is a 40-40 guy who OPS's at 1.000+ and is a 4-time MVP who is a sure thing for the HOF. I wish he was still in the AL.
Batting: A-
Pitching: B
Fielding: C+
Prediction: 84-78, 2nd in division
Cincinnati Red Thumpers: (76-86 in S11, 4th in the division)
The lowest payroll in the division at about $47M as this is written, the squad actually has $79M allocated to salaries, so maybe they will try to make a play for a big trade as the season moves along. Or $30M will get moved into the prospect pile. Considering the allocations are exactly the same as last season, me thinks statman527 missed budgeting day. Despite the money available to signing players, Cincy chose to stay out of the FA market and made no trades, meaning the team is coming into S12 with basically the same roster as last season. When everyone else in your division makes major changes, and you don't, and you finished in last place the season before....that doesn't bode well. Benny Lewis makes his ML debut this season, and the rest of the roster is full of young guns (only two guys on the ML roster are 30 or older), so the future looks bright. But S12, not so much.
Batting: C-
Pitching: C
Fielding: B
Prediction: 75-87, 4th in the division
Christmas and the start of S12
Here we go fucktards, yet another season of Sag's Swingers Memorial BPF World. Over this Christmas weekend, I was sitting on the couch, stroking my cock, while looking at the ratings for Buck and Jumbo and Humberto and Rico, and I thought about how lucky we are to play in this world with so many good owners and such little drama and such quick rollovers after I win the WS. Not everyone is as fortunate as we are. Did you know some worlds don't fill all of their ownership spots within the first 24 hours? I know, I was shocked too. Did you know there are some worlds that have allowed reigny to lose 100+ games for ten consecutive seasons? The horror! And did you know they have what are called "public leagues," where any idiot can join without a password?!? I hope you're sitting down while you read this. We are very fortunate to play in a world like this, and you should at least think about thanking your commish for keeping this world running as smoothly as it does. I won't thank him, but maybe you should. And on that note, here are some Christmas videos you should click on if you don't want the terrorists to win. If you've already seen them, watch them again, assholes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nbyej2_50Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GA3HPlMhOE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6GGAEP9A7A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afbLb8A6oSE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nbyej2_50Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GA3HPlMhOE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6GGAEP9A7A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afbLb8A6oSE
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